Goodness, it's already Wednesday! Well done, everyone. We'll get through this together. And we'll get through this blog post, by gum. This message was brought to you by gum. BUY GUM! I think I need more sleep.
In Pennsylvania, a man filed a lawsuit against the makers of the Assassin's Creed videogame, accusing them of copyright infringement and demanding to stop the release of the newest installment of the popular series. And yes, he will be likely be assassinated by a nerd.
A recent medical study found deaths from measles are falling, which should make it easier to get to Oregon.
A survey of recent college graduates found that half of the graduates are currently jobless. The other half were not Liberal Arts majors.
In Burma, Aung San Suu Kyi is boycotting the Burmese parliament over an oath of office she refuses to honor. A junta spokesman offered to let her work from home instead.
Young people news! After reading the Hunger Games novels, school age children across America are showing an increased interest in archery and, as a result, puncture wounds.
A consortium of investors are coming together to explore the possibility of launching missions to space to blast apart asteroids in search of rare minerals. That name of the consortium? Atari.
Russian whalers and biologists have taken to the arctic sea in search of a rare, all-white killer whale, because that sort of thing always turns out well.
And finally, an 8-foot tall bronze statue of Willie Nelson was unveiled in Austin last week. It's surprising that the singer has been bronzed, considering how much time he spends stoned.
Wokka, wokka, wokka. See you tomorrow!
Showing posts with label willie nelson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label willie nelson. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Tuesday Morning Monologue - January 31, 2012
Hey hey! Sorry for the delay. Let's jump right into the funny.
Remember the Spice Girls? They're reuniting to perform for Queen Elizabeth's upcoming jubilee and to remind the nation that the Queen no longer has the power to jail or execute her subjects at will.
In Chicago, a man was arrested for sleeping in a parked SUV surrounded by empty beer cans. After his arrest, he peed on the floor at the police station and then entertained the officers with a rousing bit of air piano. You can see him next season on America's Got Talent.
Glee star Chris Colfer said that the upcoming Michael Jackson tribute episode was traumatic for him, probably because he's the one who got to star in their Pepsi commercial/Atavin mashup.
In North Korea, state media is reporting that new dear leader Kim Jong-Un is receiving "rock star treatment" from the military, which probably means he's been kidnapped from South Korea.
Also in Asia, the Japanese population is projected to drop by one million each year until at least 2060. Although the human/body pillow hybrid population is expected to skyrocket.
In Ohio, Willie Nelson is campaigning for Dennis Kucinich, which is exactly what both of them need to be taken more seriously.
In India, film censors have banned The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo for violent and sexual content, as well as an unacceptably low number of show-stopping song and dance numbers.
And finally, Julian Assange will be on The Simpsons' 500th episode! The story was released by blah blah blah wikileaks.
And that's it! Enjoy your morning, and I'll see you tomorrow!
Remember the Spice Girls? They're reuniting to perform for Queen Elizabeth's upcoming jubilee and to remind the nation that the Queen no longer has the power to jail or execute her subjects at will.
In Chicago, a man was arrested for sleeping in a parked SUV surrounded by empty beer cans. After his arrest, he peed on the floor at the police station and then entertained the officers with a rousing bit of air piano. You can see him next season on America's Got Talent.
Glee star Chris Colfer said that the upcoming Michael Jackson tribute episode was traumatic for him, probably because he's the one who got to star in their Pepsi commercial/Atavin mashup.
In North Korea, state media is reporting that new dear leader Kim Jong-Un is receiving "rock star treatment" from the military, which probably means he's been kidnapped from South Korea.
Also in Asia, the Japanese population is projected to drop by one million each year until at least 2060. Although the human/body pillow hybrid population is expected to skyrocket.
In Ohio, Willie Nelson is campaigning for Dennis Kucinich, which is exactly what both of them need to be taken more seriously.
In India, film censors have banned The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo for violent and sexual content, as well as an unacceptably low number of show-stopping song and dance numbers.
And finally, Julian Assange will be on The Simpsons' 500th episode! The story was released by blah blah blah wikileaks.
And that's it! Enjoy your morning, and I'll see you tomorrow!
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