It's Thursday! Some stuff happened, and continues to happen. Let's make fun of it.
Many film fans were confused this week by the DVD packing for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, which is made to look like a burned disc. I'm thinking if you can't figure out the DVD packaging, you're probably going to have a hard time following the movie. Maybe try Twilight?
In Zimbabwe, six activists narrowly avoided jail time for inciting violence by talking about the Arab Spring. They were, unfortunately, convicted on separate charges of talking about Fight Club.
Huh, already have two David Fincher jokes. I wonder if I can make it to Se7en. Nope. Just three.
In Alaska, a broken toilet stranded a United Airlines flight for two days. Or, as United calls it, "a short layover."
Children in the UK will soon be able to play at Angry Birds activity parks popping up all over the country, because even children have data worth mining.
Users of the new iPad complain that the machine can heat up to 116 degrees, making it the most expensive heating pad you are ever likely to buy. Also, it's the year's hottest new blah blah blah stupid joke.
PayPal Here, a new service that allows people and stores to read credit cards with smart phones, has already signed up thousands of users. The main selling point is that you can put real human interaction back into identity theft.
Former actor Kirk Cameron went on "Fox and Friends" to defend his reputation yesterday against charges of homophobia and bullying. And let's be clear, he's not a bully. He's just a guy who doesn't understand the Bible.
And finally, in other religious news, one of Mexico's most brutal drug cartel pledged to hold off on any violence during Pope Benedict XVI's visit. Not sure if that's because they're afraid of him or not. But whatever the reason, can we get the Pope to move to Mexico?
Alright, that's it. More to come, whenever it does. Till then, have a great day!
Showing posts with label kirk cameron. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kirk cameron. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Monday Morning Monologue - May 23, 2011
Welcome back to the Internet, friends! What a great weekend, right? It was so great, that I've been left without the ability to banter. Can you believe that? I can barely even make a comment about my new... suncreen. It's spf 100. That's a lot of screening. It's basically an a tube of eclipse. Ain't science grand? Okay, you've been very good to put up with this so far, so have some jokes.
Speaking of jokes, there was no rapture this weekend, which must really bother Kirk Cameron. No word yet on why the world wasn't destroyed, but I have to assume Dr. Who had something to do with it. You're welcome, nerds. Seriously, though, a lot of people must be super disappointed that the world didn't end. Does Hallmark make a sympathy card for that? But by far, the most troubling thing about this whole apocalypse hooplah is that now Scientology seems much more respectable by comparison. Tom Cruise still gives me the creeps, though. Right?
Speaking of creeps, on 60 Minutes this weekend a former teammate of Lance Armstrong accused the champion cyclist of engaging in doping and encouraging other riders to do the same. In fact, he said that Armstrong led a double life, with one half all about drugs and deceit that nearly ruined his life entirely. Scorsese is interested in the movie rights. His only concern is how to make Robert DeNiro look like a tall, lanky athlete from Texas.
In political news, Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels announced he will not be running for President, saying that he has to concentrate on completely ruining Indiana before moving on to the rest of the nation. Maybe 2016...
In other GOP news, former Godfather's Pizza CEO Herman Cain announced he is running for President. He's vowed to do for America what he did Godfather's: drive it into obscurity and bankruptcy.
Hey, Internet, guess what? Lady Gaga uses the Google Chrome web browser. Not really a surprise, though, considering her preferred bra material.
So, you heard about that guy from the International Monetary Fund who might have raped that woman? Or women? Well, he quit that job, and they might have found his replacement. Her name is Christine Lagarde, and she's the French Finance Minister. As Finance Minister, her policies have focused on emerging markets, new technologies, and not raping people. It's a bold new direction.
In lighter news, Family Guy "creator" Seth MacFarlane signed on to create a new Flintstones series for FOX. This should be easy for MacFarlane, considering how well he repackaged The Simpsons as Family Guy. BOOM! Take that, winner!
In America, and nowhere else, a retired prison guard successfully ate his 25,000th Big Mac last week. Yes, that's the record. Thank God. The man ate 25,000 Big Macs over 39 years. That works out to just over 641 Big Macs per year, or 1.75 Big Macs per day, every day, for 39 years. Good thing he doesn't get tired of the same crap, over and over. In a related story, he's looking forward to Seth MacFarlane's new Flintstones series. BOOM! Feel the sting, MacFarlane? You just got dissed in front of upwards of two dozen people and Internet search bots.
Okay, that's all for now. I'm going go put on some sunscreen. I suggest you do the same. And if you feel like it, tell your friends, too. While you're doing that, maybe tell them to check out the jokes?
Anyway, that's all for now. More tomorrow. Till then, have a great day!
Speaking of creeps, on 60 Minutes this weekend a former teammate of Lance Armstrong accused the champion cyclist of engaging in doping and encouraging other riders to do the same. In fact, he said that Armstrong led a double life, with one half all about drugs and deceit that nearly ruined his life entirely. Scorsese is interested in the movie rights. His only concern is how to make Robert DeNiro look like a tall, lanky athlete from Texas.
In political news, Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels announced he will not be running for President, saying that he has to concentrate on completely ruining Indiana before moving on to the rest of the nation. Maybe 2016...
In other GOP news, former Godfather's Pizza CEO Herman Cain announced he is running for President. He's vowed to do for America what he did Godfather's: drive it into obscurity and bankruptcy.
Hey, Internet, guess what? Lady Gaga uses the Google Chrome web browser. Not really a surprise, though, considering her preferred bra material.
So, you heard about that guy from the International Monetary Fund who might have raped that woman? Or women? Well, he quit that job, and they might have found his replacement. Her name is Christine Lagarde, and she's the French Finance Minister. As Finance Minister, her policies have focused on emerging markets, new technologies, and not raping people. It's a bold new direction.
In lighter news, Family Guy "creator" Seth MacFarlane signed on to create a new Flintstones series for FOX. This should be easy for MacFarlane, considering how well he repackaged The Simpsons as Family Guy. BOOM! Take that, winner!
In America, and nowhere else, a retired prison guard successfully ate his 25,000th Big Mac last week. Yes, that's the record. Thank God. The man ate 25,000 Big Macs over 39 years. That works out to just over 641 Big Macs per year, or 1.75 Big Macs per day, every day, for 39 years. Good thing he doesn't get tired of the same crap, over and over. In a related story, he's looking forward to Seth MacFarlane's new Flintstones series. BOOM! Feel the sting, MacFarlane? You just got dissed in front of upwards of two dozen people and Internet search bots.
Okay, that's all for now. I'm going go put on some sunscreen. I suggest you do the same. And if you feel like it, tell your friends, too. While you're doing that, maybe tell them to check out the jokes?
Anyway, that's all for now. More tomorrow. Till then, have a great day!
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