According to the Iranian news agency, the nation's space program succeeded in launching a monkey into space. The monkey, which made it back to earth safely, was reportedly overjoyed at being shot into space and really enjoyed itself, until it figured out that it was going to have to come back down and live in Iran again.
A bizarre trial is getting underway in Russia for a whistleblower, Sergei Magnitsky, who is actually dead. Magnitsky's lawyers are hopeful for his chances, however. Best case scenario: he gets life.
Toyota announced that 2012 was a banner year. The auto behemoth managed to sell nearly 9.75 million vehicles, which is slightly more than they recalled.
The New York City school bus drivers union is undergoing a major overhaul, with seniority no longer playing as big a role in determining assignments. So, look for New York City school buses to stop driving with the left turn signal on.
In Norway, a tunnel will be closed for several weeks after a massive truckload of sweet cheese caught fire. Repair crews are standing by with little bits of bread and fruit.
A teacher in Ohio is in trouble for posting a picture online of a student whose mouth he had duct taped shut. Apparently teachers in the district are not supposed to use their cell phones at work.
At a school in Pennsylvania, male students must now ask for toilet paper each time they go to the bathroom. The school took the paper out of the bathrooms in an attempt to cut down on vandalism. They haven't, however, removed all of the Glade Potpourri Spray Paint cans.
And finally, the Boy Scouts of America announced they are considering allowing openly gay children and adults to be involved in the organization. Although, if they were really serious about getting gay people involved, they'd get rid of those ridiculous shorts.
And that's it!
Showing posts with label recall. Show all posts
Showing posts with label recall. Show all posts
Monday, January 28, 2013
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Monday Morning Monologue - July 23, 2012
Joy! It's joke time again!
Rumors are circulating that cell phone giant Nokia, lately beset with poor sales of the new Windows phone, is planning something new for September 7. Investors are hoping it's "profit."
Ford recalled 11,500 of their Escape SUVs, and told owners not to drive them, which is something that should have occurred to them as soon as they realized they were Fords.
A firefighter in Georgia rescues a baby boy from a storm drain last week. She was unable, unfortunately, to save any of the bathwater.
In New York, a bus driver caught a young girl who fell from her third floor apartment. The NY Mets have asked him to tell them how he did it.
Spain's King Juan Carlos I lost his title as head of the WWF over his participation in an elephant hunt. He's going to try to get it back next month in a pay-per-view tag team match.
Islamic and Hebrew leaders in Germany say they're being persecuted by the country's circumcision ban, to which Germany responded "just be glad you're not Scientologists."
Former President Bill Clinton met with the Greek Premier Antonis Samaras last week to discuss foreign investments in the country. Once it became clear that there wouldn't be any, Samaras then asked Clinton for any "hot tips."
And finally, Joe Paterno's family issued a statement this weekend, saying that Sandusky's sexual abuse victims would not helped by the removal of Joe Paterno's statue from the campus. Fortunately, the victims are well accustomed to receiving no help from Joe Paterno in any way. The statue will be removed, however, which is better than the original plan: leave it in place but put blinders on.
Yay! No more jokes! Wait, what?
Rumors are circulating that cell phone giant Nokia, lately beset with poor sales of the new Windows phone, is planning something new for September 7. Investors are hoping it's "profit."
Ford recalled 11,500 of their Escape SUVs, and told owners not to drive them, which is something that should have occurred to them as soon as they realized they were Fords.
A firefighter in Georgia rescues a baby boy from a storm drain last week. She was unable, unfortunately, to save any of the bathwater.
In New York, a bus driver caught a young girl who fell from her third floor apartment. The NY Mets have asked him to tell them how he did it.
Spain's King Juan Carlos I lost his title as head of the WWF over his participation in an elephant hunt. He's going to try to get it back next month in a pay-per-view tag team match.
Islamic and Hebrew leaders in Germany say they're being persecuted by the country's circumcision ban, to which Germany responded "just be glad you're not Scientologists."
Former President Bill Clinton met with the Greek Premier Antonis Samaras last week to discuss foreign investments in the country. Once it became clear that there wouldn't be any, Samaras then asked Clinton for any "hot tips."
And finally, Joe Paterno's family issued a statement this weekend, saying that Sandusky's sexual abuse victims would not helped by the removal of Joe Paterno's statue from the campus. Fortunately, the victims are well accustomed to receiving no help from Joe Paterno in any way. The statue will be removed, however, which is better than the original plan: leave it in place but put blinders on.
Yay! No more jokes! Wait, what?
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