Wednesday Morning Monologue - February 1, 2012

Three... Two... One... JOKE!

Comic book artists Neil Gaiman and Todd McFarlane finally settled a longstanding dispute over royalties from the comic book series Spawn. In a related story, no one is claiming responsibility for anything Rob Leifeld has ever done.

The U.K. Navy sent one of its destroyers to the Falkland Islands this week, which is the most outrageous viral marketing you're likely to see for Iron Lady.

Celebrity chefs from Pakistan and India are set to compete in a reality TV cooking show this season. The secret ingredient: enriched Uranium 235.

In America, Democratic senators are planning to push forward the "Buffett Rule" to raise the tax rate on capital gains and subsidize the sale of cheeseburgers in paradise.

France is honoring Shakira for her contributions to art and culture at Cannes. Seems appropriate considering how those contributions came mainly from her can. Yes. You get a pun today. Don't take it personally.

Bollywood filmmaker Shirish Kunder said he was roughed up at a recent party by actor Shah Rukh Khan. Or, more accurately, he stared into the distance and shouted "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

This clearly isn't my best day.

Twenty five abducted Chinese workers were freed from their captors in the Sudan this week. Said one freed worker, "that was the first vacation I've ever had."

And finally, Mitt Romney won the Florida primary election yesterday. In his victory speech, he thanked his greatest contributor: lowered expectations.

That's the end. Tomorrow brings more stuff. Come see!

Wednesday Morning Monologue - January 26, 2011

Alright, let's get to it.

In Mumbai, the offices of two Bollywood starlets were raided by income tax enforcement agents. Witnesses described the raid as having a great beat, catchy vocals and amazing choreography.