Senate Republicans are demanding that Ambassador Rice testify before Congress over misinformation she may have spread related to events in the middle east. "I'm not an ambassador," said Condoleeza Rice.
President Obama recently visited Myanmar, defending his choice to visit the repressive, undemocratic nation by saying that the trip was not an endorsement of the current regime and was intended to spread democracy. He went on to say that if it works in Myanmar, he might even try visiting Florida.
A judge in California ruled against Nicollette Sheridan's wrongful termination lawsuit against producers of Desperate Housewives. Furthermore, she was forced to pay a hefty fine for making the people continue to think about Desperate Housewives.
San Francisco city council is considering a ban on public nudity, which must mean that the population is finally getting older.
The University of Tennessee just fired its football coach. Probably because they didn't want to pay for his healthcare costs. Thanks a lot, Obama.
Governor Bobby Jindal said this weekend that the key to the GOP regaining power and relevance in American politics is to simply start liking people again. In response, former Vice President Dick Cheney told him to go fuck himself.
Actress Shannon Elizabeth is the new spokesperson for Farm Sanctuary's adopt-a-turkey program. She's hoping to become the Angelina Jolie of turkeys.
And finally, in Scotland archaeologists found evidence of a 10,000 year old dwelling, giving strong evidence to suggest that humanity has been suffering from clinical depression far longer than originally thought.
That's it!
Showing posts with label san fransisco. Show all posts
Showing posts with label san fransisco. Show all posts
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Thursday Morning Monologue - April 28, 2011
So, this is Thursday, traditionally known as Ladies' Night. Congratulations, ladies. Make it count. Okay, whatever. Enjoy these jokes.
President Obama released his full birth certificate yesterday, and it turns out he's actually from America. And his birthday is coming up. I'm sure Orily Taitz will be getting him a great birthday present. 'Cause she's so damn classy.
Lindsay Lohan said she wants an Oscar by the time she's 30. Apparently she's already staked out Marisa Tomei's house.
She also said she was numb after hearing that she would have to go to jail. In a related story, Bernie Madoff would give anything for certain parts of himself to be numb.
A new company is marketing low-proof booze. It's sold along with novocaine condoms and decaf espresso.
In Washington, Rep. Dean Heller will fill John Ensign's empty Senate seat. Hope he washes it first.
Steven Tyler, formerly of Aerosmith and currently of American Idol, said in a recent interview that he joined the show to prove a point to his former bandmates: that he can ruin music without them.
In San Francisco, a group is lobbying to ban circumcisions. They had trouble gaining popular support with their first slogan, though: "hands off our penises."
And finally, doctors in the southwest found that armadillos are spreading leprosy, which would explain why Jesus is spending so much time with them.
That's it for me! Spencer is here tomorrow, and Ernest is here on Sunday, so come back and get your fill of funny.
And if you're in Hoboken or the NYC area this weekend, come see me at The Clam Broth House in Hoboken, Friday at 9 pm or Saturday at 7 pm at the Eastville Comedy Club. Do it!
And gave a great day.
President Obama released his full birth certificate yesterday, and it turns out he's actually from America. And his birthday is coming up. I'm sure Orily Taitz will be getting him a great birthday present. 'Cause she's so damn classy.
Lindsay Lohan said she wants an Oscar by the time she's 30. Apparently she's already staked out Marisa Tomei's house.
She also said she was numb after hearing that she would have to go to jail. In a related story, Bernie Madoff would give anything for certain parts of himself to be numb.
A new company is marketing low-proof booze. It's sold along with novocaine condoms and decaf espresso.
In Washington, Rep. Dean Heller will fill John Ensign's empty Senate seat. Hope he washes it first.
Steven Tyler, formerly of Aerosmith and currently of American Idol, said in a recent interview that he joined the show to prove a point to his former bandmates: that he can ruin music without them.
In San Francisco, a group is lobbying to ban circumcisions. They had trouble gaining popular support with their first slogan, though: "hands off our penises."
And finally, doctors in the southwest found that armadillos are spreading leprosy, which would explain why Jesus is spending so much time with them.
That's it for me! Spencer is here tomorrow, and Ernest is here on Sunday, so come back and get your fill of funny.
And if you're in Hoboken or the NYC area this weekend, come see me at The Clam Broth House in Hoboken, Friday at 9 pm or Saturday at 7 pm at the Eastville Comedy Club. Do it!
And gave a great day.
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