Hi! Meteorologists report that this is so far the hottest summer on record for the northeast. It's probably because of my new haircut. Sorry, everyone.
Television viewers watching the Olympics in Usain Bolt's hometown in Jamaica panicked yesterday when the power went out just before Bolt's 100meter race. But, then they remembered that they weren't being forced to endure NBC's godawful commentary, and celebrations broke out.
According to a new study, neurologists found differences in the brain scans of hoarders. Seems that in certain parts of the brain that are usually empty, hoarders have a bunch of newspapers and old plates shoved in.
Gov. Romney is gaining on President Obama in the fundraising race. Remember, the first one to hit the "Buy it Now" price of the White House on eBay wins!
The NYPD has come under fire from women for pat downs by male officers that they claim have a "sexual overtone." Officers have been instructed to be more subtle when rubbing their semi-erect penises against suspect's bodies. And to quit patting themselves down in public.
That's a masturbation joke.
The company Kno is now offering high school textbooks on e-readers. And fortunately, you will still be able to draw pictures of wieners in the margins for the next user.
"Scientists" in a recent "study" found a person's eyes may indicate their sexual orientation, especially if the eyes won't stop looking at boobs or wangs.
Three dick jokes? Is this a record?
Organizers of a mosque in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, finally got a court order allowing them to continue building their mosque. Celebrations were tempered by the fact that they were still in Tennessee.
And finally, a Chevron oil refinery in California is currently burning. A representative from the company said they expect to have the fire contained just as soon as gas rises another $0.30 per gallon.
That's the end!
Showing posts with label dick jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dick jokes. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Thursday Morning Monologue - March 24, 2011
Warm greeting! Banter, banter, banter... mildly humorous comment! Exhortation to read further!
A three-year-old boy in China recently weighed in at 132lbs. That sounds freakish, but he's also 5'10" and he's a gymnast. Yep, everything here is on the up and up.
The House of Windsor issued some etiquette guidelines for behavior at the upcoming royal wedding. One of the stand outs: don't tweet from inside the church. That's a good call, and clearly the people who would tweet during a wedding are very concerned with proper behavior.
The Pet Shop Boys produced a new ballet in London. Try to act surprised.
NBC is launching a new Paul Reiser series in April. Try to act surprised.
Libyan embarrassment Mohammar Gaddhafi remains defiant in the face of coalition attacks, saying "we are making fun of their rockets." I'm guessing that it's primarily dick jokes. At least that's how I'd make fun of rockets.
Showtime decided to pull their current shows from the popular Netflix streaming service, making them instead only available to Showtime subscribers. Apparently Showtime is laboring under the delusion that anyone actually thinks Weeds and United States of Tara are worth money.
MTV just signed up The Real World for seasons 27 and 28, meaning that if the show were a person, it would no longer understand itself.
Lastly, Ed Harris will be playing Senator John McCain in HBO's new miniseries Game Changer. He only got the part after scheduling conflicts forced the actual John McCain to drop out of the production. He was already set to star in the Pet Shop Boys' ballet.
That's all for me today! Hope you enjoyed this, and if you did tell your friends! If not, wait until we have a funnier post, then tell your friends. Come back for more jokes tomorrow with Spencer and Sunday with Earnest.
Have a great day!
A three-year-old boy in China recently weighed in at 132lbs. That sounds freakish, but he's also 5'10" and he's a gymnast. Yep, everything here is on the up and up.
The House of Windsor issued some etiquette guidelines for behavior at the upcoming royal wedding. One of the stand outs: don't tweet from inside the church. That's a good call, and clearly the people who would tweet during a wedding are very concerned with proper behavior.
The Pet Shop Boys produced a new ballet in London. Try to act surprised.
NBC is launching a new Paul Reiser series in April. Try to act surprised.
Libyan embarrassment Mohammar Gaddhafi remains defiant in the face of coalition attacks, saying "we are making fun of their rockets." I'm guessing that it's primarily dick jokes. At least that's how I'd make fun of rockets.
Showtime decided to pull their current shows from the popular Netflix streaming service, making them instead only available to Showtime subscribers. Apparently Showtime is laboring under the delusion that anyone actually thinks Weeds and United States of Tara are worth money.
MTV just signed up The Real World for seasons 27 and 28, meaning that if the show were a person, it would no longer understand itself.
Lastly, Ed Harris will be playing Senator John McCain in HBO's new miniseries Game Changer. He only got the part after scheduling conflicts forced the actual John McCain to drop out of the production. He was already set to star in the Pet Shop Boys' ballet.
That's all for me today! Hope you enjoyed this, and if you did tell your friends! If not, wait until we have a funnier post, then tell your friends. Come back for more jokes tomorrow with Spencer and Sunday with Earnest.
Have a great day!
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