It's finally Thursday, everyone! No sketch this week, just some good old fashioned topical humor. "Enjoy!"
Yesterday, email service on the popular Blackberry devices went down for several hours, forcing angry customers to actually pay attention to their surroundings and, in some dire circumstances, children.
In happier news, the Chrysler Motor Company reached a labor agreement with the United Auto Workers union, keeping them on the job and averting a strike. In a rare double-whammy agreement, the UAW also agreed to play the first two weeks of games for the NBA season this year.
In Detroit, the so-called "Underpants bomber" plead guilty at trial yesterday. He remained defiant, however. When asked if he had any regrets about the attempted bombing, he told the judge to "blow it out your ass."
Medical news: scientists have recreated the genetic code of the Black Death, the virulent form of bubonic plague that killed a third of Europe's population several hundred years ago. Said one scientist, "pretty cool, right? Not sure what we're going to do with it. Man, sure hope that beaker doesn't fall over and break. Am I right!?"
Musician and poet Bob Dylan is taking up the bagpipes. A piece of advice: please don't go electric with this one.
The celebrity gossip blog TMZ is now offering a shame tour of Los Angeles for only $49. The bus tour will take tourists through all disgusting, sordid stories of Hollywood. It will also, quite likely, serve as a taxi service for Charlie Sheen.
Sony recalled some of their flatscreen TVs after owners noticed the units started smoking. Sony is investigating the problem, but early rumors attribute the problem to "peer pressure."
And lastly, a Google software engineer ripped the Google+ social networking platform, calling it a "complete failure." Fortunately he did it on Google+, so no one saw it.
And so it ends for me this week. Come back for some Spencer Hicks goodness tomorrow. I'll be back on Monday.
Til then, have a great day!
Showing posts with label tmz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tmz. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Tuesday Morning Monologue - May 24, 2011
Happy Tuesday! Let's get to it.
In Philadelphia, an alleged crime boss was arrested yesterday. In hindsight, his only mistake was being a crime boss.
Speaking of crime, a man in Colorado Springs robbed a Wells Fargo bank while on crutches. Witnesses reported feeling terrified and inspired.
In fake crime, a 44-year old Canadian man told his wife that he had been mugged, rather than admit that he was unable to secure tickets to Oprah Winfrey's last show. Too bad Oprah's going off the air, because that sounds like a good show topic.
Speaking of talk show hosts, Rikki Lake said recently that being in love has made her fat. Still no explanation as to what made her a terrible actress.
In end of the world news, Biblical math-enthusiast Harold Camping, the 89-year old who predicted the world would end on Saturday, clarified yesterday that the actual end of the world will occur on October 21st. It's amazing that Camping has stuck to his guns on the whole "I figured out when the world is going to end" business, rather than just admit that he doesn't understand metaphors.
In other news signaling the end of the world, let's talk about the Billboard Music Awards. At the ceremony this weekend, Rihanna's security detail kept little Justin Bieber from talking to the star at the end of the program. Bieber, obviously angered by the snub, kept his cool and didn't bite anyone. Are you taking notes, Chris Brown?
Speaking of taking notes, TMZ is reporting that the Schwarzenegger love child story was initially leaked to the press by Maria Shriver's people. Seems fair, seeing as how the whole thing started with a leak from Arnold.
And lastly, Mark Zuckerberg said this week that he thinks children under 13 should be allowed to use Facebook, due to the great potential for education afforded by the website. NAMBLA issued a statement of support.
That's all for now, I guess. See you tomorrow! Till, then, don't forget your sunblock, and have a great day!
In Philadelphia, an alleged crime boss was arrested yesterday. In hindsight, his only mistake was being a crime boss.
Speaking of crime, a man in Colorado Springs robbed a Wells Fargo bank while on crutches. Witnesses reported feeling terrified and inspired.
In fake crime, a 44-year old Canadian man told his wife that he had been mugged, rather than admit that he was unable to secure tickets to Oprah Winfrey's last show. Too bad Oprah's going off the air, because that sounds like a good show topic.
Speaking of talk show hosts, Rikki Lake said recently that being in love has made her fat. Still no explanation as to what made her a terrible actress.
In end of the world news, Biblical math-enthusiast Harold Camping, the 89-year old who predicted the world would end on Saturday, clarified yesterday that the actual end of the world will occur on October 21st. It's amazing that Camping has stuck to his guns on the whole "I figured out when the world is going to end" business, rather than just admit that he doesn't understand metaphors.
In other news signaling the end of the world, let's talk about the Billboard Music Awards. At the ceremony this weekend, Rihanna's security detail kept little Justin Bieber from talking to the star at the end of the program. Bieber, obviously angered by the snub, kept his cool and didn't bite anyone. Are you taking notes, Chris Brown?
Speaking of taking notes, TMZ is reporting that the Schwarzenegger love child story was initially leaked to the press by Maria Shriver's people. Seems fair, seeing as how the whole thing started with a leak from Arnold.
And lastly, Mark Zuckerberg said this week that he thinks children under 13 should be allowed to use Facebook, due to the great potential for education afforded by the website. NAMBLA issued a statement of support.
That's all for now, I guess. See you tomorrow! Till, then, don't forget your sunblock, and have a great day!
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