It's been a long day. Let's make this quick and hilarious.
In Pennsylvania, a college campus is selling the morning after pill in vending machines. Unless the vending machine is Catholic.
On Sunday, over two million people streamed the Super Bowl live on the Internet. In Chat Roulette terms, that's over an hour's worth of penises.
Speaking of penises, Kris Humphries said this week that his marriage to Kim Kardashian was fake, to which Kim responded "Fake? Fake my ass!"
There's a new eating trend. And I'm going to tell you about it, then make fun of it. Okay. Buddhists are promoting "mindful eating" as a way to curb binge eating and help maintain a healthy weight. You know, like Buddha did.
In Indonesia, a commercial airline pilot tested positive for crystal meth. His company became suspicious after he took apart an entire 747.
Also in Indonesian, the national train company plans to discourage stowaways by hitting them with a noxious, disgusting goop. Or, as Southwest calls it: an in-flight snack. BOOM! TIMELY!
Internet firms in India have agreed to remove objectionable content from the Web, and to block objectionable foreign content. So, goodbye, Indian readers! You were make believe, but you were still awesome.
And finally, Rick Santorum won three primary elections this week. However, no delegates were awarded, which makes me think that this is just an elaborate episode of Punk'd.
End. More later! Have a great day!
Showing posts with label southwest airlines. Show all posts
Showing posts with label southwest airlines. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Monday, April 4, 2011
Tuesday Morning Monologue - April 5, 2011
Okay, it's Tuesday. Nothing you can do about it, so you might as well laugh. To that end, may I interest you in some jokes?
McDonald's announced it is hiring 50,000 new workers as part of a planned expansion across America. The news sent stock prices skyrocketing for companies that manufacture fat pants.
Speaking of fat pants, looks like Kevin Smith dodged a bullet when he got booted off a Southwest flight for being overweight, as it turns out their planes are made of fatigued steel and good intentions. Not a great place for a big guy.
In television news news, CBS anchor Katie Couric is leaving the network to pursue her first love: undergoing colonoscopies and making people watch the video.
President Obama announced this weekend he is seeking reelection. It's great that he's taken on the work of campaigning, because he's had way too much free time lately.
A rumor is circulating that princess-to-be Kate Middleton may have to sign a prenup agreement. When reached for comment, Prince William simply said "I ain't no chump."
In Kazakhstan, President Nazarbayev won a completely fair and transparent election recently, taking 95.5% of the vote. In a related story, 4.5% of Kazakhstani people just got really nervous.
After a disastrous opening night in Detroit, Charlie Sheen's not-at-all-insane live tour got rave reviews in Chicago. Why? Because he's bi-polar. He's mentally ill, and he needs help.
Lastly, a record was set this past week for modern Chinese art, when a Chinese artist sold a triptych of paintings for $10 million. It was originally a tetrad, but censors confiscated the fourth painting. Because they're totalitarian!
Okay, that's all from me. Keep slogging away, friends! Share the "joy" with your friends and acquaintances and come back for more tomorrow! And as always, have a great day!
McDonald's announced it is hiring 50,000 new workers as part of a planned expansion across America. The news sent stock prices skyrocketing for companies that manufacture fat pants.
Speaking of fat pants, looks like Kevin Smith dodged a bullet when he got booted off a Southwest flight for being overweight, as it turns out their planes are made of fatigued steel and good intentions. Not a great place for a big guy.
In television news news, CBS anchor Katie Couric is leaving the network to pursue her first love: undergoing colonoscopies and making people watch the video.
President Obama announced this weekend he is seeking reelection. It's great that he's taken on the work of campaigning, because he's had way too much free time lately.
A rumor is circulating that princess-to-be Kate Middleton may have to sign a prenup agreement. When reached for comment, Prince William simply said "I ain't no chump."
In Kazakhstan, President Nazarbayev won a completely fair and transparent election recently, taking 95.5% of the vote. In a related story, 4.5% of Kazakhstani people just got really nervous.
After a disastrous opening night in Detroit, Charlie Sheen's not-at-all-insane live tour got rave reviews in Chicago. Why? Because he's bi-polar. He's mentally ill, and he needs help.
Lastly, a record was set this past week for modern Chinese art, when a Chinese artist sold a triptych of paintings for $10 million. It was originally a tetrad, but censors confiscated the fourth painting. Because they're totalitarian!
Okay, that's all from me. Keep slogging away, friends! Share the "joy" with your friends and acquaintances and come back for more tomorrow! And as always, have a great day!
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