Former Egyptian "President" Hosni Mubarak is out of prison and under house arrest. He's looking forward to ruthlessly crushing the weeds in his backyard garden.
New Watergate tapes came out yesterday, giving more insight into President Nixon's state of mind leading up to the scandal. Also, this posthumous release has finally cemented his position as the Tupac of American presidents.
A 6.2-magnitude earthquake shook Acapulco, Mexico, yesterday, momentarily causing hundreds of American tourists to stand up straight.
Former Senator Scott Brown of Massachusetts denied rumors this week that he would run for governor, saying that he will instead get back to failing at things with his family instead.
In Texas, and American Airlines flight attendant trainee was arrested for calling in bomb threats to United Airlines. And that's why you don't haze flight attendant trainees, people.
The number of circumcisions performed in the United States is shrinking, but that's probably just because it was cold.
A new study found that kids who take anti-psychotic drugs are more likely to develop Type 2 Diabetes later in life, while kids who don't take anti-psychotic drugs are more likely to think they're Jesus.
And finally, new data indicates that the NSA has access to over 75% of all Internet traffic, so they probably know the one weird trick to reduce belly fat. And if they don't, then what the hell are we doing?
That's it!
Showing posts with label diabetes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label diabetes. Show all posts
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Wednesday Morning Monologue - July 31, 2013
Firefighters in London report a surge of handcuff-related injuries from people inspired to reenact scenes from Fifty Shades of Grey. Who would have guessed people who loved that book would be too dumb to work a pair of handcuffs?
Scientists found that a diabetes pill has an anti-aging effect in lab mice. "Great news!" said the diabetic lab mice. "We were hoping to drag out this existence as long as possible!"
A man arrested by the DEA and left abandoned in a windowless cell for four days was just awarded a $4.1 million settlement, and a co-creator credit for the reality series based on his experiences. The show is called Drink Your Own Urine.
Dock workers in Los Angeles found a cat stowed away in a freighter that arrived from the Philippines. So now cats are sneaking into the country to take all our pooping-in-boxes-and-sleeping-all-day jobs.
New York City's large soda ban was just ruled unconstitutional, under the "Full Faith and Fatass" clause.
Anthony Weiner released a video yesterday saying that he won't quit. He won't quit the race mayoral race, and he won't quit describing his dick to strange women on the Internet.
Time Warner Cable has decided not to pull CBS from its cable service, despite ongoing contract renegotiations. So don't worry, you'll still be greeted by the latest episode of NCIS when you visit your grandparents.
And finally, mass killing suspect and militant racist Anders Breivik just applied to attend university. He's going to be so pissed off when he learns about affirmative action.
That's it!
Scientists found that a diabetes pill has an anti-aging effect in lab mice. "Great news!" said the diabetic lab mice. "We were hoping to drag out this existence as long as possible!"
A man arrested by the DEA and left abandoned in a windowless cell for four days was just awarded a $4.1 million settlement, and a co-creator credit for the reality series based on his experiences. The show is called Drink Your Own Urine.
Dock workers in Los Angeles found a cat stowed away in a freighter that arrived from the Philippines. So now cats are sneaking into the country to take all our pooping-in-boxes-and-sleeping-all-day jobs.
New York City's large soda ban was just ruled unconstitutional, under the "Full Faith and Fatass" clause.
Anthony Weiner released a video yesterday saying that he won't quit. He won't quit the race mayoral race, and he won't quit describing his dick to strange women on the Internet.
Time Warner Cable has decided not to pull CBS from its cable service, despite ongoing contract renegotiations. So don't worry, you'll still be greeted by the latest episode of NCIS when you visit your grandparents.
And finally, mass killing suspect and militant racist Anders Breivik just applied to attend university. He's going to be so pissed off when he learns about affirmative action.
That's it!
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Friday Morning Podcast - June 1, 2012
Episode 08: Wherein we wrestle with the limitations and disappointments of this mortal plane.
And I may have, in fact, watched the entire video for Matchbox 20's "The Real World" twice upon the completion of this podcast. Don't judge me. Watching the video was punishment enough.
Twice.
Enjoy.
And I may have, in fact, watched the entire video for Matchbox 20's "The Real World" twice upon the completion of this podcast. Don't judge me. Watching the video was punishment enough.
Twice.
Enjoy.
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