Mumford & Sons announced they'll be taking a break from music to get back to their first passions: subsistence farming and drinking moonshine under the stars.
In Thailand, two men are facing prison after taking a picture of pop star Rihanna with an endangered primate. So in the E! True Hollywood Story of Rihanna's life, just so we're all clear, *this* is the moment when someone in her life might have to do hard time.
In Sydney, a Qantas flight was delayed after a single Mandarin Rat Snake was discovered on the plane. Apparently his visa was not in order.
The Volkswagen van is finally being "retired," unlike the people who drive VW vans. They're not retired, they're just hippies.
Sewer operators across the country are spreading the word that flushing hand wipes and paper towels down the toilet will lead to clogs and problems with the sewer systems. So, just as a reminder, the only things that can go down the toilet are waste, toilet paper, and the economy when John Boehner is around.
In Egypt, a high court has suspended all activities of The Muslim Brotherhood, including the new magazine "The Muslim Brotherhood's Highlights for Kids." That thing is full of activities.
The San Francisco 49ers just lost star linebacker Aldon Smith to injuries, perhaps for the rest of the season. A representative from the team said they will just have to find a way to not get to the playoffs without him.
And finally, parents are trying to find ways to break their children's addiction to smartphones, but no one seems to have the answer. It seems pretty obvious, though. Make them get a job and then set up the phone to get work emails. They'll throw that thing in a river ASAP.
That's all. Whatever.
Showing posts with label smartphone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label smartphone. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
Monday Morning Monologue - July 29, 2013
A new smartphone app is in development to tell users whether or not they're drunk. The name of the app is "Wanna Call Cheryl?"
Zoologists think that dolphins may use distinct noises to refer to each other, in effect meaning that they have their own names. And apparently dolphins think it's racist when we can't tell them apart.
In China, a woman got trapped between two walls of a home, and when she cried out for help the owners thought she was a ghost. Crazy, right? Everyone knows that ghosts rent.
Recently government agents seized $35 million worth of cocaine in Florida. So now's Florida's big chance to get back on the nation's good side.
A professional group representing academic historians is pushing for universities to withhold Ph.D. dissertations from distribution on the Internet for six years after publication. It's part of a new "no spoiler" policy for world history.
Pope Francis ended his tour of Brazil with the world's longest no-touching conga line in history. Also, he's the first Pontiff since 1540 to get a full back-wax during peace time.
In Washington D.C. thousands of people lined up to experience the "corpse flower." It's the most foul thing in the city that wasn't elected or appointed.
And finally, key players in the New York Democratic Party are telling Anthony Weiner to pull out of the mayoral race after his latest sexting scandal. However, judging from the content of his messages, it could get messy if Weiner pulls out at the wrong time.
Stay classy!
Zoologists think that dolphins may use distinct noises to refer to each other, in effect meaning that they have their own names. And apparently dolphins think it's racist when we can't tell them apart.
In China, a woman got trapped between two walls of a home, and when she cried out for help the owners thought she was a ghost. Crazy, right? Everyone knows that ghosts rent.
Recently government agents seized $35 million worth of cocaine in Florida. So now's Florida's big chance to get back on the nation's good side.
A professional group representing academic historians is pushing for universities to withhold Ph.D. dissertations from distribution on the Internet for six years after publication. It's part of a new "no spoiler" policy for world history.
Pope Francis ended his tour of Brazil with the world's longest no-touching conga line in history. Also, he's the first Pontiff since 1540 to get a full back-wax during peace time.
In Washington D.C. thousands of people lined up to experience the "corpse flower." It's the most foul thing in the city that wasn't elected or appointed.
And finally, key players in the New York Democratic Party are telling Anthony Weiner to pull out of the mayoral race after his latest sexting scandal. However, judging from the content of his messages, it could get messy if Weiner pulls out at the wrong time.
Stay classy!
Monday, May 28, 2012
Tuesday Morning Monologue - May 29, 2012
Welcome back, everyone! Anyone have a weekend? Yeah, that's good stuff. Anyone have any jokes?
In Denver, a middle-aged man found out during a recent CT-scan for kidney stones, that he was actually born with both male and female sex organs. The man is taking it in stride, saying the biggest change he's noticed is his public restroom options just doubled.
Also, free drinks on Thursday! Or, at least half-off.
Rumors are circulating that Facebook is working to create their own smartphone. They're planning on including a shrinking data plan and each phone's contact list will come pre-loaded with a bunch of people you don't really know.
The middle east is currently under attack by a new malware threat called "Flame." It's already leaked another ten pages from President Assad's diary.
Speaking of Syria, a representative for the Model United Nations offered to take over on the Syria issue since the regular United Nations isn't interested.
In the U.K., Tony Blair faced questioning over the media's relationship to politicians during his time in office. He said, while he was Prime Minister, he chose not to fight the media, which just goes to show that the media doesn't have oil.
Speaking of the U.K., a majority of its citizens said they think the country is worse off under Queen Elizabeth II than it was before her reign. In a related story, a majority of U.K. citizens don't know how their country's government works.
Back in America, hair-failure Donald Trump and baseball-fetishist George Will got in a heated war of words over the weekend. The real loser: words.
And finally, actor/director/hero Robert DeNiro gained an honorary doctorate from Bates College, as well as his mother's approval. At last.
That's all for now! G'day!
In Denver, a middle-aged man found out during a recent CT-scan for kidney stones, that he was actually born with both male and female sex organs. The man is taking it in stride, saying the biggest change he's noticed is his public restroom options just doubled.
Also, free drinks on Thursday! Or, at least half-off.
Rumors are circulating that Facebook is working to create their own smartphone. They're planning on including a shrinking data plan and each phone's contact list will come pre-loaded with a bunch of people you don't really know.
The middle east is currently under attack by a new malware threat called "Flame." It's already leaked another ten pages from President Assad's diary.
Speaking of Syria, a representative for the Model United Nations offered to take over on the Syria issue since the regular United Nations isn't interested.
In the U.K., Tony Blair faced questioning over the media's relationship to politicians during his time in office. He said, while he was Prime Minister, he chose not to fight the media, which just goes to show that the media doesn't have oil.
Speaking of the U.K., a majority of its citizens said they think the country is worse off under Queen Elizabeth II than it was before her reign. In a related story, a majority of U.K. citizens don't know how their country's government works.
Back in America, hair-failure Donald Trump and baseball-fetishist George Will got in a heated war of words over the weekend. The real loser: words.
And finally, actor/director/hero Robert DeNiro gained an honorary doctorate from Bates College, as well as his mother's approval. At last.
That's all for now! G'day!
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