During a recent speech, Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky defended his stance on the civil rights movement, saying that his support for the Civil Rights Act has "never wavered." Nope, it's stayed perfectly stable at "zero."
In the UK, Iron Man 3's premier date was pushed back so as not to compete with funeral proceedings for the late Margaret Thatcher. So that's Iron Lady 1, Iron Man 0.
In other Thatcher news, plans are already underway for a memorial library. It will immediately be sold off to a private company and stripped of its valuable parts.
Happy Birthday and Mazeltov to Israel! The unlikely nation just turned 65, while Palestine turned into an even shittier place to live.
In Venezuela, early vote-rigging shows acting President Maduro winning the election by a razor-thin margin. Said Maduro, "don't worry, we'll get better at that for next time."
Jenna Bush just gave birth to her first child, and a PAC has already started soliciting donations for her 2064 presidential bid.
A recent medical study found that people who carry an excess of weight in the torso, called the "Apple" body type, are more likely to suffer from kidney disease and patent-infringement lawsuits from Apple Computers.
And finally, Steven Hawking visited a Los Angeles medical research firm that specializes in applying stem cell research to combating Lou Gehrig's Disease. Hawking praised them for their valuable contribution to medicine and also invited them to "please hurry the fuck up."
Okay, go finish your taxes!
Showing posts with label palestine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label palestine. Show all posts
Monday, April 15, 2013
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Thursday Morning Monologue - November 29, 2012
In Asia, a man walked 5,000 miles using Google Maps as his only guide. In a related story, another man attempted the same trek with Apple Maps and died of exhaustion after walking in a circle for a week straight. His goal was to be the man who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door.
CNN is looking to rehabilitate their brand, and reached out to Jeffrey Zucker recently to lead the company. So, apparently CNN never pays attention to entertainment news. In a related story, Jay Leno will be taking over Anderson Cooper 360.
In Brussels, angry farmers protested falling milk prices by spraying milk all over police protecting the EU Parliament. In a related story, a group of male porn stars were preemptively denied a permit to protest their working conditions.
Germany is pushing forward anti-bestiality legislation. In a related story, IT'S STILL LEGAL TO HAVE SEX WITH ANIMALS IN GERMANY.
In Egypt, crowds are beginning to protest President Morsi for taking emergency powers recently. It's great news for people who didn't get a chance to protest the last time. Also, no one is surprised.
The U.K. representative to the U.N. said that the country will sit out the upcoming vote on Palestinian statehood, citing the horrible outcome the last time they played that game in the region.
In Rome, a protective barrier has been set up around the Coliseum, to keep people from being hit by falling stones from the ancient structure. Sadly, it looks like this will be the end of a millennia-long tradition of killing people there.
In Israel, many young people are protesting against circumcision. They're being real schmucks about it.
And that's the end.
CNN is looking to rehabilitate their brand, and reached out to Jeffrey Zucker recently to lead the company. So, apparently CNN never pays attention to entertainment news. In a related story, Jay Leno will be taking over Anderson Cooper 360.
In Brussels, angry farmers protested falling milk prices by spraying milk all over police protecting the EU Parliament. In a related story, a group of male porn stars were preemptively denied a permit to protest their working conditions.
Germany is pushing forward anti-bestiality legislation. In a related story, IT'S STILL LEGAL TO HAVE SEX WITH ANIMALS IN GERMANY.
In Egypt, crowds are beginning to protest President Morsi for taking emergency powers recently. It's great news for people who didn't get a chance to protest the last time. Also, no one is surprised.
The U.K. representative to the U.N. said that the country will sit out the upcoming vote on Palestinian statehood, citing the horrible outcome the last time they played that game in the region.
In Rome, a protective barrier has been set up around the Coliseum, to keep people from being hit by falling stones from the ancient structure. Sadly, it looks like this will be the end of a millennia-long tradition of killing people there.
In Israel, many young people are protesting against circumcision. They're being real schmucks about it.
And that's the end.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)