Texas A&M wide receiver Thomas Johnson was found safely in Dallas yesterday after disappearing earlier in the week. Coaches were relieved to have him back, and will be more specific next time they tell him to go long.
United Airlines had a massive computer outage yesterday, forcing them to work without the technology that has made it so much easier for them to deliver shitty service. Just like the olden times.
eBay is testing a new same-day delivery service, for when you absolutely can't wait to have the things that you absolutely don't have to have.
In South Africa a man was arrested with 220 diamonds hidden in his stomach. Authorities accused him of smuggling, although it's likely he was planning to take the world's most expensive dump.
Seattle Police just published a guide to legal marijuana use. Fortunately it was printed on rolling papers.
New Scrabble boards include RFID chips to broadcast your games over the Internet, so that bullies will know exactly where to go to kick your ass.
A new study found that "exposure" to living in America increases the risk of diabetes for immigrants. More importantly, however, it increases the risk of exposure to Kardashians.
And finally, soccer star Luis Suarez said, following a trade from Manchester United to Liverpool, that he's happy to be in Liverpool, making him the only person who is happy to be in Liverpool.
That's it! See you next week!
Showing posts with label south africa. Show all posts
Showing posts with label south africa. Show all posts
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Tuesday Morning Monologue - September 11, 2012
I forgot to post this morning. Sorry about that. Enjoy this well-aged humor.
In iPhone rumor news, there are unconfirmed reports that Foxconn is using forced labor to make the new iPhone 5. Even worse, they're suspected of forcing the laborers to sign two-year contracts with AT&T.
In other Chinese news, the central government pledged to increase consumer spending to bolster the domestic economy. They're instituting a new "One Savings Account" per family rule.
This week, Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte will be honored with other Latino athletes at the ALMA awards. And next week, he'll be honored at the annual Douche Banquet.
Speaking of Latin culture, it's becoming extremely popular among Japanese youth, who are redefining the idea of East L.A.
In business news, Sharp just mortgaged its building to generate cash needed to stay in business. This is bad news for investors, but good news for you if you happen to land on one of their hotels.
Rocker Melissa Etheridge will soon be releasing her twelfth studio album, although she said she's really more interested in a box set.
Computer game maker Zynga is hoping for a big hit with their new Farmville 2. It's just like Farmville 1, except now there's a drought. Wait, no, that's America.
And finally, South Africa's Zulu King Zwelithini's said this week that his sixth wife "needs a palace." Just like a woman. AMIRITE, FELLAS!? This king knows what I'm talking about.
Okey dokey. More tomorrow, friends!
In iPhone rumor news, there are unconfirmed reports that Foxconn is using forced labor to make the new iPhone 5. Even worse, they're suspected of forcing the laborers to sign two-year contracts with AT&T.
In other Chinese news, the central government pledged to increase consumer spending to bolster the domestic economy. They're instituting a new "One Savings Account" per family rule.
This week, Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte will be honored with other Latino athletes at the ALMA awards. And next week, he'll be honored at the annual Douche Banquet.
Speaking of Latin culture, it's becoming extremely popular among Japanese youth, who are redefining the idea of East L.A.
In business news, Sharp just mortgaged its building to generate cash needed to stay in business. This is bad news for investors, but good news for you if you happen to land on one of their hotels.
Rocker Melissa Etheridge will soon be releasing her twelfth studio album, although she said she's really more interested in a box set.
Computer game maker Zynga is hoping for a big hit with their new Farmville 2. It's just like Farmville 1, except now there's a drought. Wait, no, that's America.
And finally, South Africa's Zulu King Zwelithini's said this week that his sixth wife "needs a palace." Just like a woman. AMIRITE, FELLAS!? This king knows what I'm talking about.
Okey dokey. More tomorrow, friends!
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