Hey! It's another edition of Way Back Wednesday! I wonder... what was happening in August of 1981...
Listen up, dweebs! A new cable network just started up called Music Television. What's cable? I don't know! Only 25% of American households have it, and only 800,000 of those people can see this new "MTV," but that doesn't matter, because it's cool! How do we know? Well, it's broadcasting out of a studio in Fort Lee, New Jersey. That's pretty cool, right?
Speaking of cool, Washington Post reporter Lou Cannon just coined a new nickname for President Reagan: "The Great Communicator." It replaces his old nickname: "Good Talker Guy."
What else is new? Well, in California, lingerie designer Frederick's of Hollywood introduced a brand new style of ladies' underpants to Americans, called a "thong." It's designed to finally answer the question, "what's it like to get a paper cut on your anus?" Oh, fashion.
Earlier this month, President Reagan fired over 11,000 professional air traffic controllers who went on strike, demanding, among other things, increased rest periods between shifts. Well, glad that got cleared up. Buncha sissies, asking for sleep.
IBM unveiled a new "personal computer" this month. It's packed with 16 kilobytes of random access memory, a price tag of $1,565 and comes pre-loaded with three different viruses. Oh, and it's also got porn.
In France, the national government finally relaxed it's monopoly on radio stations. Congratulations, France: now you, too, can enjoy all the crappy radio morning shows that define a democracy.
Back in America, the Major League Baseball strike ended without the President firing them all. The season will play out normally from this point, with all teams at a record of 0-0, which is the best position Cubs have had this late in the season for decades.
And lastly, the deep space probe Voyager 2 passed within 41,000 kilometers of Saturn this month, which was sadly not quite close enough to drop off the two tons of Chinese take-out menus it carried from Cape Canaveral. Next time, boys.
Okay, that's all! Let's all go watch The Empire Strikes Back!
Till then, have a great day.
Showing posts with label air traffic controllers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label air traffic controllers. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Wednesday Morning Monologue - June 22, 2011
Happy Wednesday! Every day gets shorter from here on out! Yay, summer! Okay, that's really tiring. Whatever. It's hot. Here's some jokes.
Rapper and actor 50 Cent is writing an anti-bullying book for teens. It's called Quit Picking on that Kid, or I'll Beat You Up.
Prolific musical satirist Weird Al Yankovic released a parody of Lady Gaga this week, which is strange considering that Lady Gaga is now a parody of Lady Gaga.
In aviation news, Virgin Atlantic pilots announced they will go on strike. Air traffic controllers hailed the move, saying "does that mean we get another 15 minutes of sleep?" Ha ha ha, no, it doesn't.
Popular musician Britney Spears kicked off her summer tour this week, and one lucky man from the audience was treated to a lap dance on stage during one of the songs. On the downside though, the dance cost him $20 plus a $10 Ticketmaster surcharge.
Former Oasis bandleader Noel Gallagher is not inviting his brother Liam to his upcoming wedding. It makes sense, though, considering how much trouble it is just having one of those assholes at your wedding. No reason to punish yourself with both.
A young Emperor penguin turned up in New Zealand recently after swimming way, way off course. Veterinarians made sure the animal was in good health, and Peter Jackson immediately added him to the cast of The Hobbit.
Ryan Murphy, the creator of Glee, revealed this week that the characters on his show will age normally and graduate from high school on schedule. So, in that sense, the show is unlike real high schools.
Lastly, in Oregon, a small town dumped 8 million gallons of drinking water from a reservoir after a young man was caught peeing in it. At least he wasn't throwing in a burger from Jack in the Box. BOOM! CALLBACK!
That's all for now! See you again tomorrow!
Eat some fruit and have a great day!
Rapper and actor 50 Cent is writing an anti-bullying book for teens. It's called Quit Picking on that Kid, or I'll Beat You Up.
Prolific musical satirist Weird Al Yankovic released a parody of Lady Gaga this week, which is strange considering that Lady Gaga is now a parody of Lady Gaga.
In aviation news, Virgin Atlantic pilots announced they will go on strike. Air traffic controllers hailed the move, saying "does that mean we get another 15 minutes of sleep?" Ha ha ha, no, it doesn't.
Popular musician Britney Spears kicked off her summer tour this week, and one lucky man from the audience was treated to a lap dance on stage during one of the songs. On the downside though, the dance cost him $20 plus a $10 Ticketmaster surcharge.
Former Oasis bandleader Noel Gallagher is not inviting his brother Liam to his upcoming wedding. It makes sense, though, considering how much trouble it is just having one of those assholes at your wedding. No reason to punish yourself with both.
A young Emperor penguin turned up in New Zealand recently after swimming way, way off course. Veterinarians made sure the animal was in good health, and Peter Jackson immediately added him to the cast of The Hobbit.
Ryan Murphy, the creator of Glee, revealed this week that the characters on his show will age normally and graduate from high school on schedule. So, in that sense, the show is unlike real high schools.
Lastly, in Oregon, a small town dumped 8 million gallons of drinking water from a reservoir after a young man was caught peeing in it. At least he wasn't throwing in a burger from Jack in the Box. BOOM! CALLBACK!
That's all for now! See you again tomorrow!
Eat some fruit and have a great day!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Wednesday Morning Monologue - April 20, 2011
Let's see what's on the blog today.
In Michigan, a 12 year old girl held up a grocery store with a stolen gun recently. In her defense, the store did drive her lemonade stand out of business.
In Arizona, unlikely Governor Jan Brewer vetoed two pieces of legislation that allowed guns on college campuses and required presidential candidates to produce birth certificates before being allowed on the ballot in Arizona. The only question I have is this: who is blackmailing Jan Brewer?
In New York, the less-than-great Mets are having a hard time enticing people to come to their games. A recent failed promotion: Free Tickets Night. There was initial excitement, though, until it became clear that the tickets were, in fact, for the Mets.
In other sports news, a man fell five stories while watching the Boston Marathon in an accident that clearly has nothing to do with alcohol. The young man survived with serious injuries but remained conscious. As runners passed his ambulance, he was heard to yell, "who's hardcore now?!"
Speaking of loudmouths, Paul Allen, co-founder of Microsoft, recently compared working with Bill Gates to "being in Hell." Apparently Paul Allen thinks that Hell is really nerdy and overly-concerned with malaria.
In Finland, the Finnish Nationalist Party made significant gains in a recent election, leading to speculation in America that Finland might actually be a nation.
In a signal that the economy is "totally recovering," gold reached $1,500 per ounce for the first time ever, which is great news for pirates and terrible news for Flava Flav, who is now being hunted by pirates. He should invest in a laser gun.
And lastly, a plane carrying First Lady Michelle Obama was forced to abort it's planned landing yesterday when it flew too close to an Army C-130 transport plane bound for the same airport. After learning that the cause of the near miss was air traffic controller error, President Obama said "fine, I get it. We'll give you guys nap time. Now please don't kill my family."
That's all for now. Hope you liked it, told your friends, blah blah blah. Have a great day no matter what time of day, and we'll see you again tomorrow!
In Michigan, a 12 year old girl held up a grocery store with a stolen gun recently. In her defense, the store did drive her lemonade stand out of business.
In Arizona, unlikely Governor Jan Brewer vetoed two pieces of legislation that allowed guns on college campuses and required presidential candidates to produce birth certificates before being allowed on the ballot in Arizona. The only question I have is this: who is blackmailing Jan Brewer?
In New York, the less-than-great Mets are having a hard time enticing people to come to their games. A recent failed promotion: Free Tickets Night. There was initial excitement, though, until it became clear that the tickets were, in fact, for the Mets.
In other sports news, a man fell five stories while watching the Boston Marathon in an accident that clearly has nothing to do with alcohol. The young man survived with serious injuries but remained conscious. As runners passed his ambulance, he was heard to yell, "who's hardcore now?!"
Speaking of loudmouths, Paul Allen, co-founder of Microsoft, recently compared working with Bill Gates to "being in Hell." Apparently Paul Allen thinks that Hell is really nerdy and overly-concerned with malaria.
In Finland, the Finnish Nationalist Party made significant gains in a recent election, leading to speculation in America that Finland might actually be a nation.
In a signal that the economy is "totally recovering," gold reached $1,500 per ounce for the first time ever, which is great news for pirates and terrible news for Flava Flav, who is now being hunted by pirates. He should invest in a laser gun.
And lastly, a plane carrying First Lady Michelle Obama was forced to abort it's planned landing yesterday when it flew too close to an Army C-130 transport plane bound for the same airport. After learning that the cause of the near miss was air traffic controller error, President Obama said "fine, I get it. We'll give you guys nap time. Now please don't kill my family."
That's all for now. Hope you liked it, told your friends, blah blah blah. Have a great day no matter what time of day, and we'll see you again tomorrow!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Earnest's Weekend Monologue - April 17, 2011
Hey, guys, gas is over four dollars a gallon in LA, which means I’m only leaving my apartment when absolutely necessary, and on those occassions, I’m just going to fill up with Red Bull and run. What else is going on?
Well, for starters, Nicholas Cage was arrested in New Orleans Saurday. After posting bail, his lawyer told him he had to appear in court, and his immediate reaction was “Is Michael Bay directing? If so, I’m in!” Actually, here’s a strange little tidbit of info for you: Dog The Bounty Hunter bailed Nicholas Cage out of jail. I really hope this is how the next National Treasure starts. “We’re huntin’ the biggest bounty of all... John Wilkes Boothe’s reainimated corpse!”
There FAA announced it is creating new rules for air traffic controllers that should make the airways safer. The first new rule is no one works past bedtime.... Of course, you know there have been a lot of scandals lately with air traffic controllers sleeping on the job. You’d think that the first time an air traffic controller was caught sleeping that would’ve set off some alarms. Of course, if they’d set alarms in the first place, they wouldn’t have gotten caught sleeping. I don’t want to make light of the situation though. Sleepairtrafficcontrolling is a very serious condition whose only real cure is unemployment.
Religious leaders are upset about Lady Gaga because she sings that she loves Judas in her new song. Meanwhile Judas is getting a little tired of Lady Gaga. Apparently, somewhere around the eighth remix for “Born This Way” he was just over her. Judas is famous for betraying Jesus Christ on a really memorable night when Jesus called dibbs, but Judas went after Gaga anyway. Apparently, the church has never gotten over it.
Speaking of things hard to get over... All My Children was cancelled this week. So was One Life To Live. They were both soap operas that had been on the air for decades. Now the only soap operas left are General Hospital and the budget talks between the Republicans and Democrats. Which ever you choose to watch, you’re going to be able to see old people get screwed... Boy, if my grandma knew that they were cancelling these soaps, she’d roll over in her grave and say “Leave my stories on!” Then I’d be mad because cartoons would be on, and I’m tired of watching soaps all day, and why do I have to be here, anyway, because I’m old enough to be left home alone... Sorry, that took me back to a dark place.
That’s all this weekend. Come back Monday through Friday for jokes from Seth and Spence!
Well, for starters, Nicholas Cage was arrested in New Orleans Saurday. After posting bail, his lawyer told him he had to appear in court, and his immediate reaction was “Is Michael Bay directing? If so, I’m in!” Actually, here’s a strange little tidbit of info for you: Dog The Bounty Hunter bailed Nicholas Cage out of jail. I really hope this is how the next National Treasure starts. “We’re huntin’ the biggest bounty of all... John Wilkes Boothe’s reainimated corpse!”
There FAA announced it is creating new rules for air traffic controllers that should make the airways safer. The first new rule is no one works past bedtime.... Of course, you know there have been a lot of scandals lately with air traffic controllers sleeping on the job. You’d think that the first time an air traffic controller was caught sleeping that would’ve set off some alarms. Of course, if they’d set alarms in the first place, they wouldn’t have gotten caught sleeping. I don’t want to make light of the situation though. Sleepairtrafficcontrolling is a very serious condition whose only real cure is unemployment.
Religious leaders are upset about Lady Gaga because she sings that she loves Judas in her new song. Meanwhile Judas is getting a little tired of Lady Gaga. Apparently, somewhere around the eighth remix for “Born This Way” he was just over her. Judas is famous for betraying Jesus Christ on a really memorable night when Jesus called dibbs, but Judas went after Gaga anyway. Apparently, the church has never gotten over it.
Speaking of things hard to get over... All My Children was cancelled this week. So was One Life To Live. They were both soap operas that had been on the air for decades. Now the only soap operas left are General Hospital and the budget talks between the Republicans and Democrats. Which ever you choose to watch, you’re going to be able to see old people get screwed... Boy, if my grandma knew that they were cancelling these soaps, she’d roll over in her grave and say “Leave my stories on!” Then I’d be mad because cartoons would be on, and I’m tired of watching soaps all day, and why do I have to be here, anyway, because I’m old enough to be left home alone... Sorry, that took me back to a dark place.
That’s all this weekend. Come back Monday through Friday for jokes from Seth and Spence!
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