Hey hey! Sorry for the delay. Let's jump right into the funny.
Remember the Spice Girls? They're reuniting to perform for Queen Elizabeth's upcoming jubilee and to remind the nation that the Queen no longer has the power to jail or execute her subjects at will.
In Chicago, a man was arrested for sleeping in a parked SUV surrounded by empty beer cans. After his arrest, he peed on the floor at the police station and then entertained the officers with a rousing bit of air piano. You can see him next season on America's Got Talent.
Glee star Chris Colfer said that the upcoming Michael Jackson tribute episode was traumatic for him, probably because he's the one who got to star in their Pepsi commercial/Atavin mashup.
In North Korea, state media is reporting that new dear leader Kim Jong-Un is receiving "rock star treatment" from the military, which probably means he's been kidnapped from South Korea.
Also in Asia, the Japanese population is projected to drop by one million each year until at least 2060. Although the human/body pillow hybrid population is expected to skyrocket.
In Ohio, Willie Nelson is campaigning for Dennis Kucinich, which is exactly what both of them need to be taken more seriously.
In India, film censors have banned The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo for violent and sexual content, as well as an unacceptably low number of show-stopping song and dance numbers.
And finally, Julian Assange will be on The Simpsons' 500th episode! The story was released by blah blah blah wikileaks.
And that's it! Enjoy your morning, and I'll see you tomorrow!
Showing posts with label assange. Show all posts
Showing posts with label assange. Show all posts
Monday, January 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Thursday Morning Monologue - August 11, 2011
Welcome back to the 21st Century! Did you all have fun with your hilarious history trip yesterday? I sure hope so! Since I can write those things in advance, it means I can take a night off, so you'll be visiting another hilarious year next week, too. Twenty-three-skidoo! Okay, here's some "current" jokes for you.
Arnold Schwarzenegger's oldest daughter (that we know of) said in an interview this week that she is "way closer" to Maria. I'm sure Arnold was bummed out, until he realized that he can just have another daughter. In fact, he probably already has.
On Tuesday, an ebook about Wikileaks founder Julian Assange was released, unlike Assange who is in jail! Wait, what? He got out. You'd think someone would have mentioned it. Oh, and blah blah blah hackers brought down Amazon.com... with book orders!
As part of an effort to stop prisoners from issuing online threats while in prison, Facebook is now deleting prisoner profiles. But they can keep their Myspace page.
Bad news from science. It seems that a strain of European mice has developed a resistance to most poisons. The so-called super mice are vulnerable to only two things: mouse Kryptonite, and shoes.
In The Day The Music Died news, Wal-Mart is closing its MP3 store. This is terrible news for all the old guys who worked as greeters for the web store. Maybe Napster will hire them. Because it's old, too.
The hacker group "Anonymous" issued a threat to Facebook, saying they'll bring the site down on November 5th, or as I call it "the day I'll have to actually do my job."
You guys remember China? Chinese artist, dissident and critic Ai Weiwei, recently released from Chinese prison for being ornery, has resumed his vocal criticism of the Chinese government, because he apparently left his lucky toothbrush back in the prison.
And lastly, LeAnn Rimes had her wedding vows turned into a temporary tattoo last week. It's a fitting tribute to the institution of marriage, and how temporary it becomes once LeAnn Rimes gets involved.
That's it! Love it or leave it, people. Feel free to nominate your favorite year for the next Way Back Wednesday. Spencer is in tomorrow, and I'll be back Monday. So rejoice!
And have a great day!
Arnold Schwarzenegger's oldest daughter (that we know of) said in an interview this week that she is "way closer" to Maria. I'm sure Arnold was bummed out, until he realized that he can just have another daughter. In fact, he probably already has.
On Tuesday, an ebook about Wikileaks founder Julian Assange was released, unlike Assange who is in jail! Wait, what? He got out. You'd think someone would have mentioned it. Oh, and blah blah blah hackers brought down Amazon.com... with book orders!
As part of an effort to stop prisoners from issuing online threats while in prison, Facebook is now deleting prisoner profiles. But they can keep their Myspace page.
Bad news from science. It seems that a strain of European mice has developed a resistance to most poisons. The so-called super mice are vulnerable to only two things: mouse Kryptonite, and shoes.
In The Day The Music Died news, Wal-Mart is closing its MP3 store. This is terrible news for all the old guys who worked as greeters for the web store. Maybe Napster will hire them. Because it's old, too.
The hacker group "Anonymous" issued a threat to Facebook, saying they'll bring the site down on November 5th, or as I call it "the day I'll have to actually do my job."
You guys remember China? Chinese artist, dissident and critic Ai Weiwei, recently released from Chinese prison for being ornery, has resumed his vocal criticism of the Chinese government, because he apparently left his lucky toothbrush back in the prison.
And lastly, LeAnn Rimes had her wedding vows turned into a temporary tattoo last week. It's a fitting tribute to the institution of marriage, and how temporary it becomes once LeAnn Rimes gets involved.
That's it! Love it or leave it, people. Feel free to nominate your favorite year for the next Way Back Wednesday. Spencer is in tomorrow, and I'll be back Monday. So rejoice!
And have a great day!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Wednesday Morning Monologue - January 12, 2011
Alright, let's get to it.
Myspace announced today that they will be letting go half of their workforce. The announcement initially went out as a Myspace message, but no one read it, as they assumed it was just another invitation to see a concert from a band they used to like five years ago. It did, however, eventually turn up in Rupert Murdoch's Twitter feed.
Myspace announced today that they will be letting go half of their workforce. The announcement initially went out as a Myspace message, but no one read it, as they assumed it was just another invitation to see a concert from a band they used to like five years ago. It did, however, eventually turn up in Rupert Murdoch's Twitter feed.
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