Hey, happy Monday, and happy End of Prohibition Day! On this day in 1933, Prohibition ended, legalizing the sale and possession of alcoholic beverages in the United States. It would be the last time America wasted its time, money and energy on an unwinnable war against human desires. Glad that's over. Okay, back to today. What happened this weekend? Who knows!
Speaking of prohibition, a man in Deltona, Florida, was arrested after trying to order drugs at a Burger King. So much for having it your way. In a related story, there are no Taco Bell locations in Deltona, Florida.
In Spartanburg, South Carolina, a woman was arrested after a routine traffic stop when she revealed she had two crack pipes hidden between her butt cheeks. Look like someone took the name "crack" too literally.
In Saudi Arabia, a conservative religious group predicted that if women are allowed to drive, there will be no virgins in the country within ten years. It should be noted that this assertion was made after watching Grease and is, of course, based upon the premise that Saudi Arabian women are insatiable whores.
A government study in England found that "anger at police" was a major cause of the country's riots earlier this year. The study also found that water is wet.
Two Chinese Pandas arrived in Edinburgh, Scotland, this weekend. Their move to Edinburgh serves as a stern warning to other Pandas that they'd better behave, or they might end up in Scotland.
A new company is offering toy rentals this holiday season, just like Netflix's DVD-by-mail service. Parents can queue up toys for their kids and send back toys their done with so other kids can play with them. A similar program was scrapped by Adam & Eve.
On Facebook, a condom company is creating profiles for fake, yet-to-be-conceived children to try and sell condoms. If they really want their marketing to go viral, they should be sending out invites from Syphilis' account.
And finally, Charlie Sheen's ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, was arrested in Aspen for assault and cocaine possession with intent to distribute. Looks like someone wants to reconcile!
Buzzer. We're out of time, kiddos. More tomorrow! Until then, have a great day! (and maybe a cocktail)
Showing posts with label riots. Show all posts
Showing posts with label riots. Show all posts
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Thursday Morning Monologue - August 18, 2011
Welcome to Thursday, everyone! This is going to be the best day we have all day, so I hope you enjoy it. That sentence meant absolutely nothing. I might run for President. Is that a joke? Who knows! These next things are, though.
Today is a great day for me. The Qdoba in my neighborhood is reopening after having some work done. It's kinda like Courtney Cox returning to television.
Police in London arrested the 1000th person in connection to the riots. Lucky number 1000 got his picture in the paper, a gift certificate to Harrods, and a savage beating from the cops. Congratulations!
Vice President Biden is in China discussing U.S.-Chinese debt. It doesn't look good for the talks. Rumor has it that Chinese negotiators had a pay toilet installed in Biden's hotel room.
Former Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi quashed rumors of a Black Sabbath reunion this week. Ozzy actually said the same thing last week, but no one could understand him. And he was taking to a dog at the time.
Anticipation is building for the new Microsoft operating system, Windows 8, which insiders say will totally revolutionize personal computing. Apparently it features a completely redesigned Blue Screen Of Death.
A new biography alleges that French fashion designer Coco Chanel was a Nazi agent during World War II. The first clue was her extensive portfolio of haute couture arm bands and jackboots.
Russian pilots carried out test flights on a new stealth plane this month. It's a big departure from the old Soviet designs. You see, in Soviet Russia, stealth plane flies you.
And finally, in more Russian news, former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbechev came out with harsh criticism of Russia's progress toward democracy and Vladimir Putin in particular. A confused Putin said "wait a minute, didn't I already kill him? Come on, Vlad! Get it together!" He then strangled a walrus with his bare hands.
Okay, that's the end. Of the blog. For today. Spencer is here tomorrow, and I'll be back Monday.
Till then, have a great day!
Today is a great day for me. The Qdoba in my neighborhood is reopening after having some work done. It's kinda like Courtney Cox returning to television.
Police in London arrested the 1000th person in connection to the riots. Lucky number 1000 got his picture in the paper, a gift certificate to Harrods, and a savage beating from the cops. Congratulations!
Vice President Biden is in China discussing U.S.-Chinese debt. It doesn't look good for the talks. Rumor has it that Chinese negotiators had a pay toilet installed in Biden's hotel room.
Former Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi quashed rumors of a Black Sabbath reunion this week. Ozzy actually said the same thing last week, but no one could understand him. And he was taking to a dog at the time.
Anticipation is building for the new Microsoft operating system, Windows 8, which insiders say will totally revolutionize personal computing. Apparently it features a completely redesigned Blue Screen Of Death.
A new biography alleges that French fashion designer Coco Chanel was a Nazi agent during World War II. The first clue was her extensive portfolio of haute couture arm bands and jackboots.
Russian pilots carried out test flights on a new stealth plane this month. It's a big departure from the old Soviet designs. You see, in Soviet Russia, stealth plane flies you.
And finally, in more Russian news, former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbechev came out with harsh criticism of Russia's progress toward democracy and Vladimir Putin in particular. A confused Putin said "wait a minute, didn't I already kill him? Come on, Vlad! Get it together!" He then strangled a walrus with his bare hands.
Okay, that's the end. Of the blog. For today. Spencer is here tomorrow, and I'll be back Monday.
Till then, have a great day!
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