Welcome back! Let's see, where were we? Oh, yeah.
This weekend, the Archbishop of Canterbury used his time at the pulpit to publicly attack what he called "welfarism" in the UK, saying that it is unhealthy for people to depend on handouts from the government. Donation plates were then passed around.
In London, a woman was charged with breaking into Simon Cowell's house. Not only is she facing jail time, but also a withering rebuke-filled assessment of her performance in the crime from Mr. Cowell. Time served, I say.
Remember Mike Daisey and The Agony and the Ecstasy of Steve Jobs? Remember how Change.org started a petition online to protect Chinese workers' rights? Well, now that the story has been discredited, organizers are trying to recall the petition. But mainly because they think that most of the 250,000 signatures are names that Mike Daisey made up.
Dolly Parton's workplace musical 9 to 5 is set for its UK debut, although it is now being promoted as a fantasy, due to the fact that all the characters have full-time jobs.
Blogging website Tumblr will start banning all blogs devoted to "harming oneself," which means they'll be taking down all the Jersey Shore recaps. Amirite?! Also, people cutting themselves and engaging in eating disorders. Which are marginally more disgusting than Paulie D.
Mad Men is back, so now we can all get back to pretending it's our favorite show.
Correction from yesterday: Gallagher is not retiring, he's just refocusing on his health. And if he goes after his health with the same focus and dedication he applied to improving his comedy, he'll be dead in a week.
And finally, drivers for a medical marijuana delivery company reported that a group of men "dressed as ninjas" robbed their truck recently. Yeah, of course they did.
Okay, that's all. Come back tomorrow for more free entertainment worth every penny!
Showing posts with label mike daisey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mike daisey. Show all posts
Monday, March 26, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Tuesday Morning Monologue - March 20, 2012
Good Tuesday to you! Has your bracket exploded yet? What about some other sporty terms? Yeah, you know it! Okay, how about a joke or eight?
In election news, Mitt Romney won the Puerto Rico primary, despite pandering awkwardly to the electorate by saying that he loves reggaeton and not being able to vote in presidential elections.
Business news! UPS just bought rival TNT Express for $6.77 billion. Just to be clear, TNT Express is a European delivery service, whereas TNT Network is a Law and Order delivery service.
Monologist Mike Daisey got a standing ovation at his final performance of The Agony and the Ecstasy of Steve Jobs. At least, that's what he said.
A British medical study found that spaceflight may cause brain and eye damage. Guess it's a good thing we never went to space, right? Also the world is flat.
Comedian Gallagher suffered a heart attack last week, but is reportedly doing much better. Doctors said he came out of his medically induced coma and began immediately telling jokes. We applaud the doctors for resisting the urge to put him back under.
The judge in the Desperate Housewives trial declared a mistrial yesterday, because nothing associated with Desperate Housewives has a reasonable, satisfying conclusion.
The Somali National Theatre reopened this week after being closed for two decades due to the Somali civil war. They would have reopened sooner, actually, but their first production was directed by Julie Taymor.
And finally, the owners of the New York Mets have reached an agreement to repay over $162 million to investors who were duped in the Bernie Madoff scandal. No word yet on reparations for those who were duped into being Mets fans.
That's all! See you tomorrow!
In election news, Mitt Romney won the Puerto Rico primary, despite pandering awkwardly to the electorate by saying that he loves reggaeton and not being able to vote in presidential elections.
Business news! UPS just bought rival TNT Express for $6.77 billion. Just to be clear, TNT Express is a European delivery service, whereas TNT Network is a Law and Order delivery service.
Monologist Mike Daisey got a standing ovation at his final performance of The Agony and the Ecstasy of Steve Jobs. At least, that's what he said.
A British medical study found that spaceflight may cause brain and eye damage. Guess it's a good thing we never went to space, right? Also the world is flat.
Comedian Gallagher suffered a heart attack last week, but is reportedly doing much better. Doctors said he came out of his medically induced coma and began immediately telling jokes. We applaud the doctors for resisting the urge to put him back under.
The judge in the Desperate Housewives trial declared a mistrial yesterday, because nothing associated with Desperate Housewives has a reasonable, satisfying conclusion.
The Somali National Theatre reopened this week after being closed for two decades due to the Somali civil war. They would have reopened sooner, actually, but their first production was directed by Julie Taymor.
And finally, the owners of the New York Mets have reached an agreement to repay over $162 million to investors who were duped in the Bernie Madoff scandal. No word yet on reparations for those who were duped into being Mets fans.
That's all! See you tomorrow!
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