With the threat of war in Syria looming, the Pentagon is struggling to prepare ground troops for the horrors they would encounter in a hellish, bombed out urban landscape that has been utterly betrayed and devastated by its government. So they're sending the troops to Detroit for a week.
Speaking of Syria, the New York Times website was brought down again yesterday. The publisher blamed malicious attacks from supporters of the Assad regime, but it's more likely that people really just hate Maureen Dowd.
George Zimmerman wants the State of Florida to pay him $200,000 for his recent legal defense. And they should pay it if that's what it takes to keep him from murdering anyone else.
In Minnesota, a young man woke up on a camping trip to find a wolf biting his head and trying to eat him. After coming face to face with the predator, the man said he felt so threatened it must be what a woman feels like when Robin Thicke is around.
Scientists have found evidence for a new element with an atomic weight of 115. As is tradition, the element will be named after its discoverer. So all hail "Nerdium."
Wal-Mart will start offering same-sex couples the same health plan as heterosexual couples, which is to say, they will continue to offer them nothing.
The U.S. Treasury announced a printing error in making $100 bills may end up costing taxpayers $4 million. Too bad they can't find any money to deal with it.
And finally, scientists believe broccoli may slow the progression of arthritis, leading to speculation that arthritis hates the smell of farts.
Showing posts with label new york times. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new york times. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Monday Morning Monologue - February 28, 2011
Alright, let's get February over with.
Chestnust Hill College, a private Catholic school in Pennsylvania, fired an openly gay priest this week for making comments about his homosexuality. A spokesman for the school explained, saying "uh, yes, he was fired because he was openly gay. Duh! We can't have that. We really don't care what he, or any other Church employee, does in his own time, when no one is watching them. But the Church has a certain standard of behavior and repression to maintain, thank you very much."
In a related story, a nun was removed from her order because she was spending too much time on Facebook. "Next time," she said, "I'll stick with Myspace. No way will anyone spend too much time there!" Also, it seems that the Catholic Church has finally got its priorities properly sorted out.
In international news, the United Nations Security Council voted 15-0 to invoke sanctions against Libya. If this doesn't convince Gadaffi to give it up, nothing will.
In happier news, Kelsey Grammer and Kayte Walsh tied the knot this weekend in New York. This is the fourth marriage for Grammer, who said of the event "this wedding was just so much fun! I can't wait until my next one!"
Speaking of breakups, cable news host Kathleen Parker is leaving the CNN show Parker-Spitzer. Sources close to the show indicate that Parker really just underestimated how much she hates Elliott Spitzer.
A recent piece in the New York Times reports that blogs are quickly becoming passe; and that Twitter and Tumblr are cool now. Oh, and newspapers. Newspapers are totally cool, too. Unfortunately, no one read the story, because it was in a newspaper.
A burglar was arrested this week after posting photographs of himself with stolen goods on the original owners' Facebook page. After his arrest, he told the press, "my one mistake was sending proof of the crime and my identity to the victim. Oh, but hindsight is always 20/20, right?
Speaking of 20/20, notable cad Charlie Sheen has reneged on his promise to give his story exclusively to 20/20, and has recorded an interview with NBC. The UN Security Council condemned his actions by a vote of 15-0. That'll show him.
That's all for now. Check back tomorrow to see what happened today. Email us to your friends, post us on Twitter and Facebook (although clearly not Myspace) and as always, share your thoughts via the magic of comments. Thanks!
Chestnust Hill College, a private Catholic school in Pennsylvania, fired an openly gay priest this week for making comments about his homosexuality. A spokesman for the school explained, saying "uh, yes, he was fired because he was openly gay. Duh! We can't have that. We really don't care what he, or any other Church employee, does in his own time, when no one is watching them. But the Church has a certain standard of behavior and repression to maintain, thank you very much."
In a related story, a nun was removed from her order because she was spending too much time on Facebook. "Next time," she said, "I'll stick with Myspace. No way will anyone spend too much time there!" Also, it seems that the Catholic Church has finally got its priorities properly sorted out.
In international news, the United Nations Security Council voted 15-0 to invoke sanctions against Libya. If this doesn't convince Gadaffi to give it up, nothing will.
In happier news, Kelsey Grammer and Kayte Walsh tied the knot this weekend in New York. This is the fourth marriage for Grammer, who said of the event "this wedding was just so much fun! I can't wait until my next one!"
Speaking of breakups, cable news host Kathleen Parker is leaving the CNN show Parker-Spitzer. Sources close to the show indicate that Parker really just underestimated how much she hates Elliott Spitzer.
A recent piece in the New York Times reports that blogs are quickly becoming passe; and that Twitter and Tumblr are cool now. Oh, and newspapers. Newspapers are totally cool, too. Unfortunately, no one read the story, because it was in a newspaper.
A burglar was arrested this week after posting photographs of himself with stolen goods on the original owners' Facebook page. After his arrest, he told the press, "my one mistake was sending proof of the crime and my identity to the victim. Oh, but hindsight is always 20/20, right?
Speaking of 20/20, notable cad Charlie Sheen has reneged on his promise to give his story exclusively to 20/20, and has recorded an interview with NBC. The UN Security Council condemned his actions by a vote of 15-0. That'll show him.
That's all for now. Check back tomorrow to see what happened today. Email us to your friends, post us on Twitter and Facebook (although clearly not Myspace) and as always, share your thoughts via the magic of comments. Thanks!
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