German economists suspect that Greece will have to have another bailout to fully recover. That's the downside of having your bailouts provided by Lay's Potato Chips: no one can have just one!
In New York, a federal bankruptcy judge just gave the go ahead for Kodak to begin leaving bankruptcy. Observers are cautious, but they'll wait and see what develops.
If you didn't enjoy that joke, you're a horrible person.
In Brazil, a pet monkey was returned to its home of the past 40 years after environmental police confiscated it. They just needed to make sure that no one in the home was abusing the animal, and had to check out rumors that the monkey was being spanked.
Again, good people will enjoy that joke.
Also in Brazil, World Cup tickets just went on sale. They're expected to sell out, even with the outrageous "No-stabbing" surcharge.
In Japan, Tepco revealed that 300 million tons of radioactive waste have escaped containment at the Fukushima nuclear plant. To put that in perspective, it's almost the same amount of toxic waste generated each week by five separate Jack in the Box locations.
Doctors have found that patients' blood pressure drops when they are not charged a copay for their visits. From the journal Duh. Also lowering blood pressure: not paying for just about anything.
In London, the NHS is testing baking as a means of relieving depression. Next up, they're going to try being baked.
And finally, Texas Senator Ted Cruz found out that he may be half Canadian, due to the fact that he was born in Canada to an American mother. The Senator is taking this opportunity to run for Senate in Canada where he plans to increase border security and defund national healthcare.
God Save The Queen.
Showing posts with label monkey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label monkey. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Tuesday Morning Monologue - January 29, 2013
According to the Iranian news agency, the nation's space program succeeded in launching a monkey into space. The monkey, which made it back to earth safely, was reportedly overjoyed at being shot into space and really enjoyed itself, until it figured out that it was going to have to come back down and live in Iran again.
A bizarre trial is getting underway in Russia for a whistleblower, Sergei Magnitsky, who is actually dead. Magnitsky's lawyers are hopeful for his chances, however. Best case scenario: he gets life.
Toyota announced that 2012 was a banner year. The auto behemoth managed to sell nearly 9.75 million vehicles, which is slightly more than they recalled.
The New York City school bus drivers union is undergoing a major overhaul, with seniority no longer playing as big a role in determining assignments. So, look for New York City school buses to stop driving with the left turn signal on.
In Norway, a tunnel will be closed for several weeks after a massive truckload of sweet cheese caught fire. Repair crews are standing by with little bits of bread and fruit.
A teacher in Ohio is in trouble for posting a picture online of a student whose mouth he had duct taped shut. Apparently teachers in the district are not supposed to use their cell phones at work.
At a school in Pennsylvania, male students must now ask for toilet paper each time they go to the bathroom. The school took the paper out of the bathrooms in an attempt to cut down on vandalism. They haven't, however, removed all of the Glade Potpourri Spray Paint cans.
And finally, the Boy Scouts of America announced they are considering allowing openly gay children and adults to be involved in the organization. Although, if they were really serious about getting gay people involved, they'd get rid of those ridiculous shorts.
And that's it!
A bizarre trial is getting underway in Russia for a whistleblower, Sergei Magnitsky, who is actually dead. Magnitsky's lawyers are hopeful for his chances, however. Best case scenario: he gets life.
Toyota announced that 2012 was a banner year. The auto behemoth managed to sell nearly 9.75 million vehicles, which is slightly more than they recalled.
The New York City school bus drivers union is undergoing a major overhaul, with seniority no longer playing as big a role in determining assignments. So, look for New York City school buses to stop driving with the left turn signal on.
In Norway, a tunnel will be closed for several weeks after a massive truckload of sweet cheese caught fire. Repair crews are standing by with little bits of bread and fruit.
A teacher in Ohio is in trouble for posting a picture online of a student whose mouth he had duct taped shut. Apparently teachers in the district are not supposed to use their cell phones at work.
At a school in Pennsylvania, male students must now ask for toilet paper each time they go to the bathroom. The school took the paper out of the bathrooms in an attempt to cut down on vandalism. They haven't, however, removed all of the Glade Potpourri Spray Paint cans.
And finally, the Boy Scouts of America announced they are considering allowing openly gay children and adults to be involved in the organization. Although, if they were really serious about getting gay people involved, they'd get rid of those ridiculous shorts.
And that's it!
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