Over the weekend, Germany instituted stricter border controls to manage the influx of refugees from Austria. They had to bring out the riot police they normally keep in reserve for crowd control at David Hasslehoff concerts.
Yes, I made a Germans-love-David-Hasslehoff joke in 2015. No refunds.
Officials in Munich were concerned about the vast number of refugees relocated to their city. Violence, overflowing sewers, irritatingly loud ethnic music... the refugees had better leave quickly, or they'll be forced to endure all that and more during Oktoberfest.
Speaking of parties, Playboy just released its list of top US party schools, a vital tool for high school students looking to apply to the nation's best programs for pharmaceutical reps.
Nintendo picked a new president yesterday, Tatsumi Kimishima, who was praised by the board for his vision, energy, and ability to punch bricks so hard with his bare hands that coins fly out. Also, he's got the Triforce, so he can do pretty much whatever he wants now.
Kids are getting drunk off of alcohol-based hand sanitizers, according to poison control centers across the country. Still, they're probably better off than the kids in the 90s who had to drink Zima.
China announced plans to visit the dark side of the Moon, sparking a huge upsurge in applications to the country's space program after it was made known that the Moon currently has no smog. Or they're looking forward being the first humans to ever be in a traffic jam on the Moon. You pick.
The IRS says it will no longer accept checks of $100 million or more. But good news! If you have a tax bill of 100 million dollars or more, you're probably going to just spend that money on lobbyists to create loopholes so you don't have to pay anything at all cough cough Apple cough cough.
And finally, Jaguar announced their first ever official off-road vehicle. I say "official," because as any rock-star or Kelsey Grammer knows, any car can be an off-road vehicle if you drink enough.
And on with the show.
Showing posts with label irs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label irs. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Monday, April 11, 2011
Tuesday Morning Monologue - April 12, 2011
It's been a big day in the news, lots of stuff happened. Let's see if any of it is amusing.
China came under fire recently for cracking down on political and ideological dissidents. The White House issued a condemnation of the crackdown, saying "the Chinese government cannot stifle and oppress its people so harshly. Only Saudi Arabia can do that. So, China needs to get a lot more oil if they expect the rest of the world to stand idly by while a corrupt ruling class exploits the wealth of its country and people."
At a recent event in New Hampshire, when Vice President Joe Biden was asked how he would be assisting the President's re-election campaign he replied "What's that? Re-e-what-ion campaign? Oh, man, I need to read my email."
An accountant who turned his company in to the IRS last year for tax evasion got a reward of $1.4 million this year. He plans to start a non-profit organization devoted to cock-blocking.
In other financial news, Dish Network "won" a recent auction of the beleaguered Blockbuster Video chain, allowing them to finally corner the market in used Jean Claude Van Damme DVDs.
On the Today show last week, entrepreneur and hair pioneer Donald Trump said "I'm with the tea party," in a move that somehow simultaneously undermined the credibility of both Trump and the tea party movement.
The Department of Homeland Security is planning to use Facebook to post terror alerts online in users' news feeds. It's all part of a plan to root out terrorists by rounding up anyone who clicks "Like."
Speaking of terrorizing, a naked man in Florida, armed with an AK-47, opened fire on a robot used by the SWAT team as they tried to subdue him. He refused a lawyer, but did keep asking about Sarah Connor.
Lastly and at last, Pittsburgh Steeler and legendary lady's man Ben Roethlisberger announced last week that he will be tying the knot this summer. Hopefully that's not an allusion to a woman he's keeping tied to a chair in his house. If he is getting married, best of luck to the happy couple. Especially her. And to all you other ladies out there, looks like Pittsburgh just got a little safer.
That's it! Go out and have a great day! Thanks for stopping by, hope you had a laugh and if you did, share it with your friends. They'll think you're "cool." See you tomorrow!
China came under fire recently for cracking down on political and ideological dissidents. The White House issued a condemnation of the crackdown, saying "the Chinese government cannot stifle and oppress its people so harshly. Only Saudi Arabia can do that. So, China needs to get a lot more oil if they expect the rest of the world to stand idly by while a corrupt ruling class exploits the wealth of its country and people."
At a recent event in New Hampshire, when Vice President Joe Biden was asked how he would be assisting the President's re-election campaign he replied "What's that? Re-e-what-ion campaign? Oh, man, I need to read my email."
An accountant who turned his company in to the IRS last year for tax evasion got a reward of $1.4 million this year. He plans to start a non-profit organization devoted to cock-blocking.
In other financial news, Dish Network "won" a recent auction of the beleaguered Blockbuster Video chain, allowing them to finally corner the market in used Jean Claude Van Damme DVDs.
On the Today show last week, entrepreneur and hair pioneer Donald Trump said "I'm with the tea party," in a move that somehow simultaneously undermined the credibility of both Trump and the tea party movement.
The Department of Homeland Security is planning to use Facebook to post terror alerts online in users' news feeds. It's all part of a plan to root out terrorists by rounding up anyone who clicks "Like."
Speaking of terrorizing, a naked man in Florida, armed with an AK-47, opened fire on a robot used by the SWAT team as they tried to subdue him. He refused a lawyer, but did keep asking about Sarah Connor.
Lastly and at last, Pittsburgh Steeler and legendary lady's man Ben Roethlisberger announced last week that he will be tying the knot this summer. Hopefully that's not an allusion to a woman he's keeping tied to a chair in his house. If he is getting married, best of luck to the happy couple. Especially her. And to all you other ladies out there, looks like Pittsburgh just got a little safer.
That's it! Go out and have a great day! Thanks for stopping by, hope you had a laugh and if you did, share it with your friends. They'll think you're "cool." See you tomorrow!
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