More jokes!
In Russia, an Islamist sect was found living underground for nearly a decade. Some of them had never seen the sun at all. It’s almost like they’d been playing World of Warcraft.
Gallup revealed that Congress’ approval rating is at an all-time low this year, making John Boenher and Harry Reid the Usain Bolt and Yohan Blake of sucking at government.
Stuntman and douchebag Bam Margera was detained and handcuffed at the airport this week for reeking of booze. He was also detained and handcuffed at Whole Foods for reeking of booze, and at the Zoo, and the mall... He’s got problems.
Zoologists in Florida captured a giant python this week, and found it was carrying over 80 eggs. They’re speculating that it was in Florida hoping to talk shop with the Octomom.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is set to deliver the keynote speech at this year’s GOP convention. It’s going to be the first time the speech has to be bleeped.
Things are looking bad at Groupon, the daily deals website. Rumor is that their salespeople are ready to jump ship, which would explain why the website is offering so many deals on cheap salesman rentals.
In India, police blocked famous yoga guru Baba Ramdev from marching on parliament to protest corruption. However, he was allowed to defiantly crabwalk on city hall. Baby steps.
And finally, according to a recent workplace satisfaction study, Facebook is no longer one of the greatest places to work. It is still one of the greatest ways to waste time at work.
More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label bam margera. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bam margera. Show all posts
Monday, August 20, 2012
Monday, October 31, 2011
Tuesday Morning Monologue - November 1, 2011
How's your sugar hangover? A little hair of the pixie that bit ya would help. Keep the sugar flowing! Also flowing, some mad sick jokes, yo.
GOP presidential hopeful Herman Cain was accused of sexual harassment recently. This could be because he patterned his behavior toward women after Leisure Suit Larry.
Comedian and television host Bill O'Reilly is writing two more books, just in case you were having trouble distinguishing which of your neighbors are douchebags.
There are now seven billion humans, which means that 7.71428571 × 10-9 percent of the Earth read my blog yesterday! WAHOO!
Andrew Madoff, son of world-class asshole Bernie Madoff, said the week that he never once suspected his father of running a Ponzi scheme. In a related story, Andrew Madoff has been cheated on by every woman he's ever dated.
A new economic report found that the world is "on verge of a new recession." This report was issued by the Institute of Stuff We Knew a Year Ago.
During the eulogy for the late Steve Jobs, his sister said "death didn't happen to Steve, he achieved it." I've never been so happy to be an underachiever.
A Spanish village is divided over whether or not to keep the "Smurf" makeover it received as part of the international promotion for the recent Smurfs film. Half of the residents want to keep the Smurfiness, while the other half aren't socially awkward children from 1984.
And finally, Jackass "star" Bam Margera's Porsche was sidewsiped recently, doing significant damage to the sports car and shaking up Margera. This is an awesome story until you realize that Bam Margera has a Porsche, and (probably) not syphilis. So, that's one more point against Karma.
Okay, that's all for me today. If you celebrate it, have a happy (?) Day of the Dead. And if not, maybe go home and watch Day of the Dead. It's a pretty sweet little movie. Otherwise, I'll see you again tomorrow for more timely hijinks. Until then, have a great day!
GOP presidential hopeful Herman Cain was accused of sexual harassment recently. This could be because he patterned his behavior toward women after Leisure Suit Larry.
Comedian and television host Bill O'Reilly is writing two more books, just in case you were having trouble distinguishing which of your neighbors are douchebags.
There are now seven billion humans, which means that 7.71428571 × 10-9 percent of the Earth read my blog yesterday! WAHOO!
Andrew Madoff, son of world-class asshole Bernie Madoff, said the week that he never once suspected his father of running a Ponzi scheme. In a related story, Andrew Madoff has been cheated on by every woman he's ever dated.
A new economic report found that the world is "on verge of a new recession." This report was issued by the Institute of Stuff We Knew a Year Ago.
During the eulogy for the late Steve Jobs, his sister said "death didn't happen to Steve, he achieved it." I've never been so happy to be an underachiever.
A Spanish village is divided over whether or not to keep the "Smurf" makeover it received as part of the international promotion for the recent Smurfs film. Half of the residents want to keep the Smurfiness, while the other half aren't socially awkward children from 1984.
And finally, Jackass "star" Bam Margera's Porsche was sidewsiped recently, doing significant damage to the sports car and shaking up Margera. This is an awesome story until you realize that Bam Margera has a Porsche, and (probably) not syphilis. So, that's one more point against Karma.
Okay, that's all for me today. If you celebrate it, have a happy (?) Day of the Dead. And if not, maybe go home and watch Day of the Dead. It's a pretty sweet little movie. Otherwise, I'll see you again tomorrow for more timely hijinks. Until then, have a great day!
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