Hi! Meteorologists report that this is so far the hottest summer on record for the northeast. It's probably because of my new haircut. Sorry, everyone.
Television viewers watching the Olympics in Usain Bolt's hometown in Jamaica panicked yesterday when the power went out just before Bolt's 100meter race. But, then they remembered that they weren't being forced to endure NBC's godawful commentary, and celebrations broke out.
According to a new study, neurologists found differences in the brain scans of hoarders. Seems that in certain parts of the brain that are usually empty, hoarders have a bunch of newspapers and old plates shoved in.
Gov. Romney is gaining on President Obama in the fundraising race. Remember, the first one to hit the "Buy it Now" price of the White House on eBay wins!
The NYPD has come under fire from women for pat downs by male officers that they claim have a "sexual overtone." Officers have been instructed to be more subtle when rubbing their semi-erect penises against suspect's bodies. And to quit patting themselves down in public.
That's a masturbation joke.
The company Kno is now offering high school textbooks on e-readers. And fortunately, you will still be able to draw pictures of wieners in the margins for the next user.
"Scientists" in a recent "study" found a person's eyes may indicate their sexual orientation, especially if the eyes won't stop looking at boobs or wangs.
Three dick jokes? Is this a record?
Organizers of a mosque in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, finally got a court order allowing them to continue building their mosque. Celebrations were tempered by the fact that they were still in Tennessee.
And finally, a Chevron oil refinery in California is currently burning. A representative from the company said they expect to have the fire contained just as soon as gas rises another $0.30 per gallon.
That's the end!
Showing posts with label hoarders. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hoarders. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Wednesday Morning Monologue - June 15, 2011
What's got two thumbs and eight jokes? I don't know. READ THE BLOG!
I saw a headline today that said more adults are being diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. That's about as far as I got in the story. Yeah, that's a crappy joke. So what?
In Japan, the government is giving school children devices to measure radiation. The devices are, by far, the creepiest thing that Hello Kitty! has ever made.
A report recently revealed that the majority of the guns used by Mexican drug cartels come from the United States. Finally, we're exporting something again!
Speaking of international relations, Defense Secretary Robert Gates urged patience in dealing with Pakistan. And by "patience" he meant "lots and lots of Hellfire missile strikes."
After "A Gay Girl In Damascus" turned out to be a 40 year old guy, yet another lesbian blogger called "Lez Get Real" turned out to be another man, confirming once again that every lesbian on the Internet is actually a middle-aged white dude.
Pandora, the popular Internet radio service, had their Initial Public Offering this week, and stock prices shot up to $16/share, proving there is money to be made off of people too lazy to steal their own music.
In California a man was sentenced to 30 years for stockpiling explosives in his home. In a related story, A&E just started filming the most exciting episode of Hoarders to date.
And last, sad news for Hugh Hefner, as his young fiancee Crystal Harris broke off their engagement just days before the wedding. I guess that means he's officially out of roofies.
Okay, that's that and I mean it. Let's make the rest of the day great, what do you say? Tell your friends, and come back tomorrow!
I saw a headline today that said more adults are being diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. That's about as far as I got in the story. Yeah, that's a crappy joke. So what?
In Japan, the government is giving school children devices to measure radiation. The devices are, by far, the creepiest thing that Hello Kitty! has ever made.
A report recently revealed that the majority of the guns used by Mexican drug cartels come from the United States. Finally, we're exporting something again!
Speaking of international relations, Defense Secretary Robert Gates urged patience in dealing with Pakistan. And by "patience" he meant "lots and lots of Hellfire missile strikes."
After "A Gay Girl In Damascus" turned out to be a 40 year old guy, yet another lesbian blogger called "Lez Get Real" turned out to be another man, confirming once again that every lesbian on the Internet is actually a middle-aged white dude.
Pandora, the popular Internet radio service, had their Initial Public Offering this week, and stock prices shot up to $16/share, proving there is money to be made off of people too lazy to steal their own music.
In California a man was sentenced to 30 years for stockpiling explosives in his home. In a related story, A&E just started filming the most exciting episode of Hoarders to date.
And last, sad news for Hugh Hefner, as his young fiancee Crystal Harris broke off their engagement just days before the wedding. I guess that means he's officially out of roofies.
Okay, that's that and I mean it. Let's make the rest of the day great, what do you say? Tell your friends, and come back tomorrow!
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