Funny business found below:
Mobile phone giant T-Mobile is buying MetroPCS, because apparently its easier to purchase an entire company than it is to get an iPhone.
Hallmark is closing its Topeka, Kansas plant, and laying off 300 workers. Thankfully, there's a card for that. Sadly, they don't make them anymore.
In Germany, police are cracking down on Hells Angels members. Apparently something about big, leather-clad dudes wearing Swastikas and storming around the countryside was making them nervous.
Also in Germany, 3.6 million visitors flocked to Oktoberfest this month. No word yet on the final vomit numbers.
Speaking of Teutons, Arnold Schwarzenegger said in his new memoir that he is an "expert at living in denial." Not sure if that meant he ignored his family or what he did to California. Either way.
There's a new contender in the New York City 2013 mayor's race: Kool-Aid Man.
Because of the sugary drink law.
In Florida, a new company is renting out alligators for children's pool parties. The name of that company: Impending Horror, LLC.
And finally, New Zealand cancelled Mike Tyson's visa after it was revealed that he was Mike Tyson.
Funny business found above:
Showing posts with label t-mobile. Show all posts
Showing posts with label t-mobile. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Thursday Morning Monologue - June 28, 2012
You know what this is? This is my first blog post as a married man. Sorry for the extended vacation, but now I'm back, with all the wisdom and experience that only comes with four whole days of marriage. And jokes.
A bunch of irate gunmen rammed a van full of gasoline cans into Microsoft's Greek headquarters yesterday. No one was injured, thankfully, as the RAM failed.
In Germany, a judge outlawed male circumcision, ruling that the act constituted bodily injury. But rugby and Oktoberfest are still just fine.
T-Mobile's chairman stepped down yesterday after just two years. He would have quit earlier, but didn't want to pay the $175 early termination fee.
A study found that Apple users are shown pricier hotels on Orbitz.com than Windows users, while Linux users are shown their parents' basement.
A Del Taco cashier recently stabbed a patron, allegedly, over a dispute regarding the customer's order. It was the first time a Del Taco employee ever cared about the job.
Darden Restaurants, owners of Red Lobster and The Olive Garden, is trying to turn around sales at the struggling chains, apparently going so far as to flirt with the idea of serving delicious food. Just flirt with it.
Speaking of seafood, this week marked the first time that seafood from the Fukushima region of Japan was sold since the nearby nuclear power plant suffered a near-meltdown last year. Chefs are excited to begin using the newly available Gojira steaks.
And finally, beverage maker Anheuser-Busch InBev is close to purchasing a controlling share in the makers of Corona beer, proving that no one at Anheuser-Busch InBev has ever had a Corona.
C'est fini. Let's do this again sometime.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Tuesday Morning Monologue - March 22, 2011
It's Two-Two-Tuesday And you know what that means! Good, then we don't have to talk about it. On with the blog!
Coalition forces bombing Tripoli nearly hit Colonel Gaddhafi's personal tent with a smart bomb this weekend in what some observers are calling a targeted attempt to kill the obviously nuts dictator. A spokesman for the coalition forces denied that Gaddhafi was being targeted personally by the bombing campaign, and further went on to say "wink!"
Back in America, T-Mobile has been fielding questions from consumers who are concerned about the impending purchase of the company by AT&T. The most popular question is, of course, will T-Mobile be offering iPhones? The answer, sadly, is no. However, T-Mobile customers can look forward to the same awful service that iPhone users have "enjoyed" for years. Thanks, Ma Bell!
The presidential election in Haiti wrapped up this week without serious incident. International observers were shocked to learn, though, that at least two people still wanted to be the president of Haiti.
Former rock singer Sammy Hagar has a new book out. Wait, that's not the weird part. Mr. Hagar revealed in the book that he's been abducted by aliens, on multiple occasions, beginning when he was four years old. It's at that point the story gets fishy. Really, Sammy, the aliens kept coming back for years to abduct you? Come on, you know everyone gets sick of you after one song.
In San Antonio, a man flipped out at Taco Bell when he discovered the price of his burrito had gone up since the last time he visited. First, he fired a BB gun at the cashier, then went to his car and got an assault rifle, which he fired at police and then barricaded himself inside until the cops threw tear gas inside. All over the price of a burrito at Taco Bell. Can you imagine what this guy did when he found out about Santa Claus?
Good news from Hollywood, as writers and studios reached a tentative agreement to continue working for the next three years. Writers will receive pay raises, as well as increased revenue from royalties. In Wisconsin, Governor Scott Walker said "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Elsewhere in Hollywood, actress Kate Walsh, the celebrated star of Private Practice and Grey's Anatomy said in an interview that at 43 years old, she feels like a loser for not having children. She then went on to add, "thank God I've still got my amazing television career. I mean, if I were 43, didn't have children and didn't have a successful television show, we'll I'd probably just kill myself."
Finally, Sarah Palin has been visiting Israel this week, but she's staying very far away from the press. 'Cause they're controlled by the you-know-who... Happy Purim, everyone!
That's all I can bring myself to write. Hope you enjoyed it! Click those buttons below, share us with your friends and come back tomorrow for more joyful tidings and jokes and things. Have a great day everyone!
Coalition forces bombing Tripoli nearly hit Colonel Gaddhafi's personal tent with a smart bomb this weekend in what some observers are calling a targeted attempt to kill the obviously nuts dictator. A spokesman for the coalition forces denied that Gaddhafi was being targeted personally by the bombing campaign, and further went on to say "wink!"
Back in America, T-Mobile has been fielding questions from consumers who are concerned about the impending purchase of the company by AT&T. The most popular question is, of course, will T-Mobile be offering iPhones? The answer, sadly, is no. However, T-Mobile customers can look forward to the same awful service that iPhone users have "enjoyed" for years. Thanks, Ma Bell!
The presidential election in Haiti wrapped up this week without serious incident. International observers were shocked to learn, though, that at least two people still wanted to be the president of Haiti.
Former rock singer Sammy Hagar has a new book out. Wait, that's not the weird part. Mr. Hagar revealed in the book that he's been abducted by aliens, on multiple occasions, beginning when he was four years old. It's at that point the story gets fishy. Really, Sammy, the aliens kept coming back for years to abduct you? Come on, you know everyone gets sick of you after one song.
In San Antonio, a man flipped out at Taco Bell when he discovered the price of his burrito had gone up since the last time he visited. First, he fired a BB gun at the cashier, then went to his car and got an assault rifle, which he fired at police and then barricaded himself inside until the cops threw tear gas inside. All over the price of a burrito at Taco Bell. Can you imagine what this guy did when he found out about Santa Claus?
Good news from Hollywood, as writers and studios reached a tentative agreement to continue working for the next three years. Writers will receive pay raises, as well as increased revenue from royalties. In Wisconsin, Governor Scott Walker said "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Elsewhere in Hollywood, actress Kate Walsh, the celebrated star of Private Practice and Grey's Anatomy said in an interview that at 43 years old, she feels like a loser for not having children. She then went on to add, "thank God I've still got my amazing television career. I mean, if I were 43, didn't have children and didn't have a successful television show, we'll I'd probably just kill myself."
Finally, Sarah Palin has been visiting Israel this week, but she's staying very far away from the press. 'Cause they're controlled by the you-know-who... Happy Purim, everyone!
That's all I can bring myself to write. Hope you enjoyed it! Click those buttons below, share us with your friends and come back tomorrow for more joyful tidings and jokes and things. Have a great day everyone!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Monday Morning Monologue - March 21, 2011
Happy Monday, everybody, and happy beginning of Spring! Wanna see if this season is as funny as the last one? Let's dive in.
In communication news, AT&T is attempting to buy T-Mobile for $39 billion. Guess those commercials with the girl in the polka dot dress really worked.
In Belize, increased international demand for the grain quinoa has raised the price so much that the farmers growing the staple food are no longer able to afford eating it themselves. One local grower said "damn it! This is exactly what happened with cocaine!"
In Utah, the governor designated the Browning model M1911 handgun as the official state firearm. He also changed the state motto to "BLAM!"
In entertainment news, former actor Kevin Costner has officially joined the production of the new Superman movie. He immediately denied all rumors that the film would be "any good at all."
In legal news, an international pedophile ring was busted this week, netting over 300,000 suspected pedophiles. So, if the creepy guy who lives down down the street is still there, he's probably legit.
In diplomatic news, Carlos Pascual, America's ambassador to Mexico, has resigned after saying the Mexican government was proving ineffective in the war on drugs. He also confirmed that, yes, that dress does makes his wife's ass look a little fat.
In other romantic news, Tiger Woods has a new girlfriend. The famed golfer says he's happy to be in a relationship, and is looking forward to just cheating on one woman at a time.
In lastly, Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen just bought a refurbished MiG-29 fighter jet, meaning things are about to get very bad for anyone who ever gave him a wedgie.
In the end, that's all I've got for you today. Share us with your friends and networks through the magical buttons below, tell us what's on your mind, and come back soon!
Have a great day!
In communication news, AT&T is attempting to buy T-Mobile for $39 billion. Guess those commercials with the girl in the polka dot dress really worked.
In Belize, increased international demand for the grain quinoa has raised the price so much that the farmers growing the staple food are no longer able to afford eating it themselves. One local grower said "damn it! This is exactly what happened with cocaine!"
In Utah, the governor designated the Browning model M1911 handgun as the official state firearm. He also changed the state motto to "BLAM!"
In entertainment news, former actor Kevin Costner has officially joined the production of the new Superman movie. He immediately denied all rumors that the film would be "any good at all."
In legal news, an international pedophile ring was busted this week, netting over 300,000 suspected pedophiles. So, if the creepy guy who lives down down the street is still there, he's probably legit.
In diplomatic news, Carlos Pascual, America's ambassador to Mexico, has resigned after saying the Mexican government was proving ineffective in the war on drugs. He also confirmed that, yes, that dress does makes his wife's ass look a little fat.
In other romantic news, Tiger Woods has a new girlfriend. The famed golfer says he's happy to be in a relationship, and is looking forward to just cheating on one woman at a time.
In lastly, Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen just bought a refurbished MiG-29 fighter jet, meaning things are about to get very bad for anyone who ever gave him a wedgie.
In the end, that's all I've got for you today. Share us with your friends and networks through the magical buttons below, tell us what's on your mind, and come back soon!
Have a great day!
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