The Greek government said yesterday it is committed to cutting the "bloated" public sector workforce, which is bad news for fat guys working government jobs in Greece.
Michael Jordan got married over the weekend. When asked if this would be his last time, the former NBA champ said "bet on it." Then quickly added "and when you do, can you put me down for twenty grand on the Nets?"
He likes to bet.
Former Afghan President Hamid Karzai confirmed that the CIA used to deliver bags of cash to his office, but reassured his supporters that it was "not nearly enough for any serious graft or corruption."
Engineers building better rescue technologies have paired a rescue dog with a robotic snake to search buildings. Pixar has been working on a film version since 2009.
The European Space Agency announced that it's orbiting telescope "Herschel" is out of commission, after it used up the last of its cooling fluid recently. I would have thought that anything named "Herschel" would just be naturally cool.
The Department of Defense sent additional medical personnel to Guantanamo Bay to assist with the growing hunger strike crisis. Yep, sending more people there seems to be the only tool in our belt on this.
Queen Beatrix of Holland abdicated the throne yesterday. She thanked the Dutch people for their support, and announced she would be pursuing her first love: cage fighting. She's already challenged Pope Benedict to a ladder fight.
And finally, prison officials in the UK announced that prisoners will have to "work much harder" for the privilege of having a television their cells. For instance, they've been ordered to stop stealing television sets.
And that's it!
Later, gater. In a while, crocodile.
Showing posts with label queen beatrix. Show all posts
Showing posts with label queen beatrix. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Wednesday Morning Monologue - January 30, 2013
Yahoo! announced increased revenue for 2012, largely attributed to their aggressive strategy of looking for coins in the office couch cushions.
In Toledo, a hospital is resuming transplant operations which were suspended when a nurse mistakenly threw out a healthy kidney. Yes, "mistakenly" threw it out, totally not planning to go get it from the trash later and take it home for dinner.
The Spanish olive harvest is down by 80%, meaning that canola oil will be the new standard for oil wrestling this year.
In celebrity news, rumor is that Frank Ocean and Chris Brown got into a fight recently over a parking space and Rihanna is recovering comfortably.
Chris Brown is an asshole.
New Orleans is preparing for the Super Bowl even though some areas of the city have still not recovered from Katrina. Some residents are proud of how far the city has come, others are frustrated at how much is still left ahead of them, but one thing they can all agree on: the city is lucky that it doesn't have to deal with Patriots fans. Those guys suck.
Bill Gates is partnering with the government of Germany on a new initiative to fight hunger. First up: teaching German people how to cook food that isn't awful.
Google Maps is adding secret North Korean prison camps to the Google Earth and Google Map projects. And of course, you can now check in to them on FourSquare.
And finally, rumors were swirling this week that Queen Elizabeth might follow the example of Quenn Beatrix, and abdicate the throne in favor of a younger monarch. Elizabeth put the rumors to rest this week when she had her crown bolted onto her skull. Said the wily old Queen, "come take it if you can, you little bitches."
And that's how we're ending today.
In Toledo, a hospital is resuming transplant operations which were suspended when a nurse mistakenly threw out a healthy kidney. Yes, "mistakenly" threw it out, totally not planning to go get it from the trash later and take it home for dinner.
The Spanish olive harvest is down by 80%, meaning that canola oil will be the new standard for oil wrestling this year.
In celebrity news, rumor is that Frank Ocean and Chris Brown got into a fight recently over a parking space and Rihanna is recovering comfortably.
Chris Brown is an asshole.
New Orleans is preparing for the Super Bowl even though some areas of the city have still not recovered from Katrina. Some residents are proud of how far the city has come, others are frustrated at how much is still left ahead of them, but one thing they can all agree on: the city is lucky that it doesn't have to deal with Patriots fans. Those guys suck.
Bill Gates is partnering with the government of Germany on a new initiative to fight hunger. First up: teaching German people how to cook food that isn't awful.
Google Maps is adding secret North Korean prison camps to the Google Earth and Google Map projects. And of course, you can now check in to them on FourSquare.
And finally, rumors were swirling this week that Queen Elizabeth might follow the example of Quenn Beatrix, and abdicate the throne in favor of a younger monarch. Elizabeth put the rumors to rest this week when she had her crown bolted onto her skull. Said the wily old Queen, "come take it if you can, you little bitches."
And that's how we're ending today.
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