The Indian government is razing a block of apartments in Mumbai that has been at the center of a corruption scandal. In a similar move, plans are underway to burn down several hospitals that are widely known centers of illness and disease.
On a recent episode of Oprah, the human Slip-N-Slide known as Nadya "Octomom" Suleman acknowledged that she was "addicted to babies." In an equally shocking development, Oprah revealed that for the last several decades, she has been an African American talk show host. Also, isn't "addicted to babies" something you might say to describe a monster from a German children's story? Or a pedophile?
A NASA astronaut may be removed from an upcoming space shuttle mission after sustaining an injury in a bike accident. When reached for comment, a NASA spokesman explained, "oh, he's fine. Yeah, nothing serious. We're just worried about putting him behind the controls of a space ship now that we found out he crashed his bike. Don't know if you knew this or not, but the Space Shuttle is substantially more complicated than a Huffy."
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is under investigation for allegedly paying an underage Moroccan girl for sex and using the power of his office to cover up the crime, although it is unlikely he will face any legal repercussions. In an unrelated story, people want to shoot President Obama for trying to give them free healthcare.
In Haiti, exiled dictator and world-class bastard Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier has returned to Haiti after a 25 year exile. So, good news Haiti! One more thing to add to the list of stuff will destroy the country.
RNC Chairman Michael Steele announced he will not be seeking another term. His tenure was plagued with verbal gaffes in the press and an inability to bring in the large donations usually made by key supporters. Steele explained the poor fundraising, citing the great difficulty he encountered in "getting old, rich white Republicans to give money to a black guy," he further added, "yeah, I know these cameras are on. You think I care?"
Lastly, some schools in the south are opening for class on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day this year to make up for for lost time due to snow days. When asked to comment on the perceived racism behind schools in the south ignoring MLK Day, representatives said "this decision was made purely on the basis of what is best for the students and has absolutely nothing to do with our rampant, decades-old, intractable institutional racism. Absolutely nothing. But make no mistake, we totally don't like black people. Hey, you wanna listen to Larry the Cable Guy?"
That's it. Enjoy your day off (if you get one).
No comments:
Post a Comment
Chime in!