Showing posts with label prince charles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prince charles. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Wednesday Morning Monologue - October 17, 2012

Anybody see anything interesting on television last night?

In Cuba, the government is relaxing its travel policy, and will no longer require citizens to obtain an exit visa before leaving. They will be asked, however, to please not defect. No, seriously you guys. No defecting, okay?

Car battery company A123 is entering bankruptcy proceedings. Because they need a little jump start. Oh, that's terrible.

Beyonce will be providing halftime entertainment at this year's Super Bowl, and she said yesterday that she's ready for the big night. So, Beyonce, unlike the Cowboys' defensive line, is ready to play in the Super Bowl.

I made a sports joke!!!!!

Speaking of jokes, Rep. Paul Ryan recently paid a visit to an Ohio soup kitchen after everyone had been fed, left, and the serving hall had been completely cleaned, but still took photos of himself cleaning dishes that were already washed. Shows up late, does unnecessary work, then crows about it? Paul Ryan, are you sure you're not in a union?

In China, Foxconn said they found underage interns working in their factory. The interns have since been fired, and now workers have to get their own coffee.

Just kidding. They don't get any coffee.

In England, letters from Prince Charles to members of government will be kept secret, it was announced.
Probably for the better, as they're likely just more rambling from him about how he'd like to be a tampon.

Hulk Hogan is suing his his friend and a gossip website over the leaking of his sex tape on the Internet. Also suing: anyone who watched the tape.

And finally, Mattel profits soared this quarter on the strength of worthless pieces of plastic. Just like Citibank.

And that's it!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Wednesday Morning Monologue - May 4, 2011

Welcome to Wednesday, the day that's spelled like it doesn't sound. What a dumb day. Let's pretend it's Whensday. That sounds better, right? Oh, who cares. We've got jokes!

In political news, Rick Santorum formed a Presidential exploratory committee for 2012. Already they've determined his biggest obstacle will be overcoming the fact that he's a total tool.

In other shitty idea news, Jerry Spring announced he's going to take on Donald Trump and run for President. Someone needs to explain to both of these guys the pay cut they're in for. Oh, and also that they're both horribly unqualified for the job.

On Broadway, the new musical from Matt Stone and Trey Parker, The Book of Mormon, leads this season's Tony Awards with 14 nominations for songs which can never be played on network television. Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, despite not officially opening, picked up special nominations for most dangerous play and stupidest name.

Archaeologists and astronomers reported this week that the Mayan calendar, and its "prediction" of an impending apocalypse, may be off by 50 years or more. Also, it may be completely made up.

In California, former comedian Andy Dick got arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct at a Marie Calendar restaurant in a clear sign his career isn't completely over. It couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

In Washington, a statue of President Gerald Ford was unveiled at the Capitol building. It promptly fell over. We miss you, Gerry.

In other political news, Prince Charles in in America on and official visit, for some reason. He's not getting married, so no one really cares.

And lastly, YouTube is preparing to offer premium movie rentals, which will face stiff competition from the pirated versions that have already been uploaded.

That's all. Hope you enjoyed it! Tell your friends, and come see us again tomorrow. Until then, have a great day!