Hey, it's International Blog Week! No, it's probably not. But it's a new week, with new jokes.
And they are...
James Cameron boarded a submarine yesterday and journeyed to the deepest part of the Earth. It's like he's a metaphor for not his films.
President Obama warned North Korea against restarting their missile program, saying it would accomplish nothing and only serve to further isolate them from the rest of the world. In that sense, a ballistic missile program is just like decades of ignorance and racism in Mississippi.
Dick Cheney got a heart transplant over the weekend, so there's one less runaway on the streets. By the way, great work, Science.
Geraldo Rivera said on FOX News last week that Trayvon Martin's hoodie had a contributing role in his shooting death. Like all those monks that keep getting blown away.
Perhaps he'd change his tune if the hoodie lobby were pumping more money into conservative politics...
Gallagher survived a heart attack, but announced his retirement from comedy. This shocking development left comedy fans around the world wondering "how was Gallagher still around?"
Film director Todd Phillips said that the next Hangover film will be the last. Which is oddly similar to what alcoholics say.
In Vienna last week, musicians performed a recently discovered piece written by Mozart as a child. The long lost work was called "Symphony for Anna, the Booger Eater."
In Mexico, Pope Benedict XVI held an open-air mass, where he condemned the country's violent drug trade. Because what kind of monsters would use violence to make sure people used their drugs? That would be positively medieval.
Ugh, my hand got so heavy as I typed that.
And finally, a Finnish study found that people who live alone are 80% more likely to experience depression that those who live with others. The numbers are even worse for people who live in Finland.
...and scene. Come back tomorrow! Until then, thank you for reading, and have a great day!
Showing posts with label Mississippi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mississippi. Show all posts
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Friday, May 13, 2011
Fridays with Spencer: Steven Tyler Perry
Bristol Palin admits her recent change in appearance was due to a procedure — but not plastic surgery. The 20-year-old daughter of Sarah Palin tells Us Weekly that she underwent corrective jaw surgery in December. Her face now appears thinner, with higher cheekbones and an angular jaw. She says she will soon be getting "corrective" breast implants.
Speaking of a vain generation, a newspaper in Atlanta reported the rise of teens using Botox before events like prom and senior pictures. Maybe that's why every date I got in high school was numb, expensive and incapable of showing emotion.
The adult sons of Osama bin Laden have lashed out at the United States, saying it violated the law by killing an unarmed man and saying he should have been tried like Saddam Hussein. If he wanted a trial, didn’t he have 10 years to surrender? Hey guys, it's best if you just let this one go.
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange was awarded Australia's Peace Prize. He can now add that to his list of achievements, along with publishing top-secret diplomatic documents and allegations of sex crimes. He truly is a renaissance man.
Before sentencing a former school bus driver to prison for molesting young boys, the judge ridiculed the defendant for claiming to be a heterosexual. Saying, “I think you were born gayer than a sweet smelling jock strap.” Wow, judge, you might not be the only one pretending to be straight.
The floods in Tennessee are starting to recede. The Mississippi River crested at 48 feet, six times it's normal width, but not to worry, it was mostly water weight.
A pre-dawn fire caused heavy damage at a historic public school in Detroit. It took hours for students and faculty to notice the damages.
After a report about California's air quality, the Golden State is enacting stricter tailpipe laws. No word yet on where the Mormon's stand in what gays will have to do with their tailpipes.
After years of struggling with his sexuality, Chaz Bono (born Chastity Bono, the daughter of Cher and Sonny Bono) finally opened up about his transition from female to male on the Oprah Winfrey show. Oprah then revealed that all the audience members will get a free sex change operation!
Speaking of a vain generation, a newspaper in Atlanta reported the rise of teens using Botox before events like prom and senior pictures. Maybe that's why every date I got in high school was numb, expensive and incapable of showing emotion.
The adult sons of Osama bin Laden have lashed out at the United States, saying it violated the law by killing an unarmed man and saying he should have been tried like Saddam Hussein. If he wanted a trial, didn’t he have 10 years to surrender? Hey guys, it's best if you just let this one go.
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange was awarded Australia's Peace Prize. He can now add that to his list of achievements, along with publishing top-secret diplomatic documents and allegations of sex crimes. He truly is a renaissance man.
Before sentencing a former school bus driver to prison for molesting young boys, the judge ridiculed the defendant for claiming to be a heterosexual. Saying, “I think you were born gayer than a sweet smelling jock strap.” Wow, judge, you might not be the only one pretending to be straight.
The floods in Tennessee are starting to recede. The Mississippi River crested at 48 feet, six times it's normal width, but not to worry, it was mostly water weight.
A pre-dawn fire caused heavy damage at a historic public school in Detroit. It took hours for students and faculty to notice the damages.
After a report about California's air quality, the Golden State is enacting stricter tailpipe laws. No word yet on where the Mormon's stand in what gays will have to do with their tailpipes.
After years of struggling with his sexuality, Chaz Bono (born Chastity Bono, the daughter of Cher and Sonny Bono) finally opened up about his transition from female to male on the Oprah Winfrey show. Oprah then revealed that all the audience members will get a free sex change operation!
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