Enjoy or don't. It's still gonna be here.
The former captain of the Costa Concordia showed up yesterday for his trial in an Italian court. It was a good day for him, though, because on his way to the court he only killed 12 people.
The Rolling Stones are going on tour for their 50th anniversary, because apparently even their IRAs have gone to hell.
ACLU accused Morgan Stanley of engaging in predatory lending practices. In a related story, they've also accused water of getting people wet.
Felix Baumgarter's free fall from outer space broke viewer records on YouTube, but probably because he sneakily titled the feed "Fat Guy Gets Pwned by Kittens."
North Koreans in China say that life has not improved for average people in North Korea, leading to speculation that Mitt Romney may try for a presidential run.
This year's Nobel Prizes have finally been awarded, so now you can finally find out who won your office Nobel Pool.
Doctors found recently that people who enjoy life tend to live longer than people who don't. So, good news to people who hate their lives. It'll be over soon.
And finally, White House party crasher Michaele Salahi just got engaged to be married. She will not be sending out invitations.
And that's all!
Showing posts with label michaele salahi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label michaele salahi. Show all posts
Monday, October 15, 2012
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Thursday Morning Monologue - March 10, 2011
Happy Thursday! We've got a great blog for you this morning. Let's get started.
In legal news, Illinois Governor Pat Quinn signed a law Wednesday banning the death penalty in the state. In his signing statement, Quinn said "look, I know that I'm the Governor of Illinois, so chances are good I'm gonna end up in prison at some point. This way, I figure I'll be pretty popular when I get there. Now, who wants to bribe me?"
In a story slightly less stomach-turning, Gwyneth Paltrow is finalizing a record deal, which is good news for people who were getting tired of just hating her in movies and television. Oh, and she had a cook book, right? Yeah, that probably irritated some people, too.
Speaking of irritating, MTV's Real World is about to begin its 25th season, proving that television really is a meritocracy.
In other non-music television news, Michaele Salahi, the insane woman who became famous by sneaking into a White House party, was recently kicked out of VH1's Celebrity Rehab for not actually having an addiction. Well done, VH1 "doctors." Anyone who lies her way onto Celebrity Rehab is clearly the picture of mental health and in no way in need of a psychiatric intervention. In a related story, Michaele just moved in with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.
In California, police have stepped up efforts to close down unlicensed medical marijuana shops. This is bad news for ferret-owners.
In legal news, Illinois Governor Pat Quinn signed a law Wednesday banning the death penalty in the state. In his signing statement, Quinn said "look, I know that I'm the Governor of Illinois, so chances are good I'm gonna end up in prison at some point. This way, I figure I'll be pretty popular when I get there. Now, who wants to bribe me?"
The Toyota Motor Company announced this week a new goal of selling 10 million vehicles each year. Also part of the goal: recalling fewer than 10 million vehicles per year. Dream big, Toyota.
Food safety inspectors in the UK ruled that ice cream made from human breast milk is safe for consumption. Also deemed edible by the UK: sausage made from coagulated blood and jelly made from eels.
Speaking of irritating, MTV's Real World is about to begin its 25th season, proving that television really is a meritocracy.
In other non-music television news, Michaele Salahi, the insane woman who became famous by sneaking into a White House party, was recently kicked out of VH1's Celebrity Rehab for not actually having an addiction. Well done, VH1 "doctors." Anyone who lies her way onto Celebrity Rehab is clearly the picture of mental health and in no way in need of a psychiatric intervention. In a related story, Michaele just moved in with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.
In California, police have stepped up efforts to close down unlicensed medical marijuana shops. This is bad news for ferret-owners.
And finally, Julie Taymor was fired this week from the troubled Broadway musical Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark. When asked what she would have done differently, knowing what she does now, she said "first, I wouldn't have let Bono pick that stupid-ass name, as it obviously cursed us. I believe in a just and loving God, and there's clearly no place in His world for a successful musical with a name that stupid. Good luck fixing that fuster-cluck, you Disney ass-clowns!" She then added, "anybody need a musical directed? Anybody? Crap."
That's it for me this week, but come back tomorrow and Sunday for hilarity from Spencer and Earnest, respectively.
Now, this is the spot where I normally ask you to repost this or email it, or whatever, but today, I'd rather you visit one (or more) of these sites:
and show your support for the effort to remove Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker from office, because he is a total douche bag, and in 299 days the good people of Wisconsin can recall his sorry ass. Add your voice to the chorus and let Wisconsin know we've got their back.
That's all for now! See you next time!
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