Let's make Thursday awesome, okay? OKAY!
Arnold Schwarzenegger is back to acting again. Let's see if he can act like someone who makes good decisions.
Hallmark just added job loss cards to its line of products. Well, at least someone got a job out of it.
In television news, Monday's GOP debate drew more viewers than NBC's The Biggest Loser, so don't be surprised if Anna Kournikova has to spend all of next week's episode defending her ridiculous flat-tax proposal.
Leonard Cohen is set to release a new album this year because "people are too happy these days."
Social Security recipients will get a 3.6% raise next year, which means the GDP of Florida is about to skyrocket.
A Chinese school was recently ordered to stop forcing poorly-behaved students to wear green scarves as punishment. Instead, they'll go back to the old system: sending the kids to America.
Herman Cain said yesterday that he could see a situation where he would need to negotiate with terrorists. Yeah, we know. The Tea Party loves you.
And lastly, George Clooney said this week that he won't run for office. Too bad. Just imagine what kind of tail he could get if he... oh, right. Never mind, George.
And that's what I'm closing with. Maybe Spencer has something better for you tomorrow? Yeah, probably so. And I'll be back on Monday! Till then, have a great day.
Showing posts with label anna kournikova. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anna kournikova. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Wednesday Morning Monologue - October 12, 2011
Hi everybody. I'm all bantered out right now. So let's just have some jokes.
In an interview this week, tennis star and fitness guru Anna Kournikova said she may never marry her longtime beau, Enrique Iglesias. Finally, something she and I have in common.
In political news, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie endorsed Mitt Romney for the GOP presidential nomination yesterday, which will make the campaign more difficult for Governor Christie when he eventually decides to run this year.
In happier news, model/actress Naomi Nelson and actor/stuntman Johnny Knoxville welcomed their first daughter, Arlo, this week. Her birth was overseen by a midget in a giant dog costume filled with snakes. And they were all on fire.
Former LOST star Evangeline Lilly said this week that when she gave birth, she was in labor for 30 hours straight. She said she didn't mind, though, because after all that time and emotional investment there was a great payoff. She was unfamiliar with that sensation before.
In other baby news, Brooklyn artist Marni Kotak is planning to give birth at an art gallery, in front of an audience. No word yet which gallery will host that child's eventual psychotherapy.
Wal-Mart unveiled a new Facebook app designed to give users detailed information about deals at their nearest Wal-Mart store. The app was programmed, of course, in China.
Tracy Morgan went on the Late Show and told host David Letterman this week that the uproar over his homophobic jokes in concert this summer was a "big, big misunderstanding." He went on to explain "yeah, gay people aren't very smart. So of course they misunderstood. What? No, don't edit this out!"
And finally, a Texas man was arrested for hitting his wife because she didn't "Like" his Facebook status update. In her defense, his status update was "About to hit my wife in teh face! #winning!" As a result of the attack, he'll be spending some time in prison, where he will probably get "Poked." Maybe even "Super Poked."
Yeah, I'm not sure how to feel about that one. Whatever. It's a numbers game. No one bats 1.000. Unless they get a hit their first at bat and then retire. Maybe it's happened once, but where's the fun in that? Anyway, that's all for now! Come back tomorrow, why don't you?
Till then, have a great day!
In an interview this week, tennis star and fitness guru Anna Kournikova said she may never marry her longtime beau, Enrique Iglesias. Finally, something she and I have in common.
In political news, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie endorsed Mitt Romney for the GOP presidential nomination yesterday, which will make the campaign more difficult for Governor Christie when he eventually decides to run this year.
In happier news, model/actress Naomi Nelson and actor/stuntman Johnny Knoxville welcomed their first daughter, Arlo, this week. Her birth was overseen by a midget in a giant dog costume filled with snakes. And they were all on fire.
Former LOST star Evangeline Lilly said this week that when she gave birth, she was in labor for 30 hours straight. She said she didn't mind, though, because after all that time and emotional investment there was a great payoff. She was unfamiliar with that sensation before.
In other baby news, Brooklyn artist Marni Kotak is planning to give birth at an art gallery, in front of an audience. No word yet which gallery will host that child's eventual psychotherapy.
Wal-Mart unveiled a new Facebook app designed to give users detailed information about deals at their nearest Wal-Mart store. The app was programmed, of course, in China.
Tracy Morgan went on the Late Show and told host David Letterman this week that the uproar over his homophobic jokes in concert this summer was a "big, big misunderstanding." He went on to explain "yeah, gay people aren't very smart. So of course they misunderstood. What? No, don't edit this out!"
And finally, a Texas man was arrested for hitting his wife because she didn't "Like" his Facebook status update. In her defense, his status update was "About to hit my wife in teh face! #winning!" As a result of the attack, he'll be spending some time in prison, where he will probably get "Poked." Maybe even "Super Poked."
Yeah, I'm not sure how to feel about that one. Whatever. It's a numbers game. No one bats 1.000. Unless they get a hit their first at bat and then retire. Maybe it's happened once, but where's the fun in that? Anyway, that's all for now! Come back tomorrow, why don't you?
Till then, have a great day!
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