Hey, it's International Blog Week! No, it's probably not. But it's a new week, with new jokes.
And they are...
James Cameron boarded a submarine yesterday and journeyed to the deepest part of the Earth. It's like he's a metaphor for not his films.
President Obama warned North Korea against restarting their missile program, saying it would accomplish nothing and only serve to further isolate them from the rest of the world. In that sense, a ballistic missile program is just like decades of ignorance and racism in Mississippi.
Dick Cheney got a heart transplant over the weekend, so there's one less runaway on the streets. By the way, great work, Science.
Geraldo Rivera said on FOX News last week that Trayvon Martin's hoodie had a contributing role in his shooting death. Like all those monks that keep getting blown away.
Perhaps he'd change his tune if the hoodie lobby were pumping more money into conservative politics...
Gallagher survived a heart attack, but announced his retirement from comedy. This shocking development left comedy fans around the world wondering "how was Gallagher still around?"
Film director Todd Phillips said that the next Hangover film will be the last. Which is oddly similar to what alcoholics say.
In Vienna last week, musicians performed a recently discovered piece written by Mozart as a child. The long lost work was called "Symphony for Anna, the Booger Eater."
In Mexico, Pope Benedict XVI held an open-air mass, where he condemned the country's violent drug trade. Because what kind of monsters would use violence to make sure people used their drugs? That would be positively medieval.
Ugh, my hand got so heavy as I typed that.
And finally, a Finnish study found that people who live alone are 80% more likely to experience depression that those who live with others. The numbers are even worse for people who live in Finland.
...and scene. Come back tomorrow! Until then, thank you for reading, and have a great day!
Showing posts with label finland. Show all posts
Showing posts with label finland. Show all posts
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Wednesday Morning Monologue - April 20, 2011
Let's see what's on the blog today.
In Michigan, a 12 year old girl held up a grocery store with a stolen gun recently. In her defense, the store did drive her lemonade stand out of business.
In Arizona, unlikely Governor Jan Brewer vetoed two pieces of legislation that allowed guns on college campuses and required presidential candidates to produce birth certificates before being allowed on the ballot in Arizona. The only question I have is this: who is blackmailing Jan Brewer?
In New York, the less-than-great Mets are having a hard time enticing people to come to their games. A recent failed promotion: Free Tickets Night. There was initial excitement, though, until it became clear that the tickets were, in fact, for the Mets.
In other sports news, a man fell five stories while watching the Boston Marathon in an accident that clearly has nothing to do with alcohol. The young man survived with serious injuries but remained conscious. As runners passed his ambulance, he was heard to yell, "who's hardcore now?!"
Speaking of loudmouths, Paul Allen, co-founder of Microsoft, recently compared working with Bill Gates to "being in Hell." Apparently Paul Allen thinks that Hell is really nerdy and overly-concerned with malaria.
In Finland, the Finnish Nationalist Party made significant gains in a recent election, leading to speculation in America that Finland might actually be a nation.
In a signal that the economy is "totally recovering," gold reached $1,500 per ounce for the first time ever, which is great news for pirates and terrible news for Flava Flav, who is now being hunted by pirates. He should invest in a laser gun.
And lastly, a plane carrying First Lady Michelle Obama was forced to abort it's planned landing yesterday when it flew too close to an Army C-130 transport plane bound for the same airport. After learning that the cause of the near miss was air traffic controller error, President Obama said "fine, I get it. We'll give you guys nap time. Now please don't kill my family."
That's all for now. Hope you liked it, told your friends, blah blah blah. Have a great day no matter what time of day, and we'll see you again tomorrow!
In Michigan, a 12 year old girl held up a grocery store with a stolen gun recently. In her defense, the store did drive her lemonade stand out of business.
In Arizona, unlikely Governor Jan Brewer vetoed two pieces of legislation that allowed guns on college campuses and required presidential candidates to produce birth certificates before being allowed on the ballot in Arizona. The only question I have is this: who is blackmailing Jan Brewer?
In New York, the less-than-great Mets are having a hard time enticing people to come to their games. A recent failed promotion: Free Tickets Night. There was initial excitement, though, until it became clear that the tickets were, in fact, for the Mets.
In other sports news, a man fell five stories while watching the Boston Marathon in an accident that clearly has nothing to do with alcohol. The young man survived with serious injuries but remained conscious. As runners passed his ambulance, he was heard to yell, "who's hardcore now?!"
Speaking of loudmouths, Paul Allen, co-founder of Microsoft, recently compared working with Bill Gates to "being in Hell." Apparently Paul Allen thinks that Hell is really nerdy and overly-concerned with malaria.
In Finland, the Finnish Nationalist Party made significant gains in a recent election, leading to speculation in America that Finland might actually be a nation.
In a signal that the economy is "totally recovering," gold reached $1,500 per ounce for the first time ever, which is great news for pirates and terrible news for Flava Flav, who is now being hunted by pirates. He should invest in a laser gun.
And lastly, a plane carrying First Lady Michelle Obama was forced to abort it's planned landing yesterday when it flew too close to an Army C-130 transport plane bound for the same airport. After learning that the cause of the near miss was air traffic controller error, President Obama said "fine, I get it. We'll give you guys nap time. Now please don't kill my family."
That's all for now. Hope you liked it, told your friends, blah blah blah. Have a great day no matter what time of day, and we'll see you again tomorrow!
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