Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Wednesday Morning Monologue - April 20, 2011

Let's see what's on the blog today.

In Michigan, a 12 year old girl held up a grocery store with a stolen gun recently. In her defense, the store did drive her lemonade stand out of business.

In Arizona, unlikely Governor Jan Brewer vetoed two pieces of legislation that allowed guns on college campuses and required presidential candidates to produce birth certificates before being allowed on the ballot in Arizona. The only question I have is this: who is blackmailing Jan Brewer?

In New York, the less-than-great Mets are having a hard time enticing people to come to their games. A recent failed promotion: Free Tickets Night. There was initial excitement, though, until it became clear that the tickets were, in fact, for the Mets.

In other sports news, a man fell five stories while watching the Boston Marathon in an accident that clearly has nothing to do with alcohol. The young man survived with serious injuries but remained conscious. As runners passed his ambulance, he was heard to yell, "who's hardcore now?!"

Speaking of loudmouths, Paul Allen, co-founder of Microsoft, recently compared working with Bill Gates to "being in Hell." Apparently Paul Allen thinks that Hell is really nerdy and overly-concerned with malaria.

In Finland, the Finnish Nationalist Party made significant gains in a recent election, leading to speculation in America that Finland might actually be a nation.

In a signal that the economy is "totally recovering," gold reached $1,500 per ounce for the first time ever, which is great news for pirates and terrible news for Flava Flav, who is now being hunted by pirates. He should invest in a laser gun.

And lastly, a plane carrying First Lady Michelle Obama was forced to abort it's planned landing yesterday when it flew too close to an Army C-130 transport plane bound for the same airport. After learning that the cause of the near miss was air traffic controller error, President Obama said "fine, I get it. We'll give you guys nap time. Now please don't kill my family."

That's all for now. Hope you liked it, told your friends, blah blah blah. Have a great day no matter what time of day, and we'll see you again tomorrow!

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