Taylor Swift performed for a packed crowd at Soldier Field this weekend. The singer said she loves Chicago, so we should expect an angry song about how the city wronged her sometime next year.
Scientists at the University of Pennsylvania have trained a dog to locate and identify the scent of ovarian cancer in women. The dog is 100% accurate in early tests. This is a big breakthrough for the science of smelling women's crotches.
Speaking of smelling things, workers at JFK airport were sickened by the fumes coming from a mysterious package yesterday. Authorities suspect it was either VX nerve gas, or Ron Artest's gym shorts.
In Switzerland, Oprah Winfrey was shocked when a high-end accessory store refused to show her a $35,000 handbag, saying "you can't afford it." Oprah said it was due to racism, and the store owner claimed it was just a misunderstanding, saying "we didn't understand that black people have money now."
Singer and self-help guru Chris Brown suffered a seizure this weekend. Doctors blame emotional stress and a lack of sleep. Sounds like Chris needs to quit beating himself up about things.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are refusing offers to sell photos of their baby, North. It's not clear if this is to protect North's privacy, or because they just don't want the added competition for the cameras.
A family from Arizona recently attempted to flee the religious persecution they saw in America for Mauritania. They set out on a small boat from San Diego, but were stranded at sea by a series of storms. They were rescued by fisherman and eventually flown home to the U.S., whereupon they realized "oh, right... airplanes."
And finally, The Mars One Project has received 100,000 applications from people hoping to take a one-way trip to colonize Mars. It's also spawned a new reality competition show: "WHO WANTS TO FREEZE TO DEATH ON MARS?" Great television.
Later!
Showing posts with label taylor swift. Show all posts
Showing posts with label taylor swift. Show all posts
Monday, August 12, 2013
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Wednesday Morning Monologue - June 13, 2012
Hey, how's it going? Didja miss me? Well, now I'm back, and thanks for waiting. Let's have some jokes.
In baseball news, Alex Rodriguez hit his 23rd grand slam, tying the record held by Yankee legend Lou Gehrig. A-Rod is currently also the all-time record-holder for STDs.
In news from Broadway, Cybil Shepherd, John Stamos and Kristin Davis are stepping in as the new principle cast in Gore Vidal's The Best Man, or as it will be now known, The Second-Best Man.
U.N. observers in Syria now say the country is in a civil war. Oh, sorry, wait, this is from a year ago. What's that? Yesterday? Awkward...
Fast food purveyors Burger King have announced a new bacon sundae for this summer. It's the central item on their new "You're Gonna Puke Menu."
Smashing Pumpkins' frontman Billy Corgan let loose on Radiohead this week, saying he would "piss" on the British rockers. He then went on to release a full album on time that was praised by fans and critics for its timely, evolved sound. Just kidding!
How about JPOP? Japanese girl-group AKB48 is rising in popularity, in part because of its reliance on fan voting to determine the band's ever-changing lineup. In a related story, Mitt Romney was recently seen wearing a Sailor Moon outfit.
Executives from ABC are urging a federal judge to quit blocking the premier of a new reality show this summer. Wait, judges can do that? I gotta go file some lawsuits.
And finally, musicianbag John Mayer said recently that he was upset Taylor Swift over her tell-off song "Dear John," which he assumes is about him. Swift clarified that the song isn't about him, but her B-side "Dear Douchebag, Here are the Reasons You Suck" may be about him. In a related story, the rest of us are upset with John Mayer over every crappy song he has ever recorded.
That's all! Thanks, everyone!
In baseball news, Alex Rodriguez hit his 23rd grand slam, tying the record held by Yankee legend Lou Gehrig. A-Rod is currently also the all-time record-holder for STDs.
In news from Broadway, Cybil Shepherd, John Stamos and Kristin Davis are stepping in as the new principle cast in Gore Vidal's The Best Man, or as it will be now known, The Second-Best Man.
U.N. observers in Syria now say the country is in a civil war. Oh, sorry, wait, this is from a year ago. What's that? Yesterday? Awkward...
Fast food purveyors Burger King have announced a new bacon sundae for this summer. It's the central item on their new "You're Gonna Puke Menu."
Smashing Pumpkins' frontman Billy Corgan let loose on Radiohead this week, saying he would "piss" on the British rockers. He then went on to release a full album on time that was praised by fans and critics for its timely, evolved sound. Just kidding!
How about JPOP? Japanese girl-group AKB48 is rising in popularity, in part because of its reliance on fan voting to determine the band's ever-changing lineup. In a related story, Mitt Romney was recently seen wearing a Sailor Moon outfit.
Executives from ABC are urging a federal judge to quit blocking the premier of a new reality show this summer. Wait, judges can do that? I gotta go file some lawsuits.
And finally, musicianbag John Mayer said recently that he was upset Taylor Swift over her tell-off song "Dear John," which he assumes is about him. Swift clarified that the song isn't about him, but her B-side "Dear Douchebag, Here are the Reasons You Suck" may be about him. In a related story, the rest of us are upset with John Mayer over every crappy song he has ever recorded.
That's all! Thanks, everyone!
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