Showing posts with label voter id laws. Show all posts
Showing posts with label voter id laws. Show all posts

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Friday Morning Monologue - August 31, 2012

Big week! Little jokes.

At the Republican National Convention, John Sununu said that gay marriage is "too complicated" to discuss at the convention, leading me to believe John Sununu has no idea how sex works.

Fact checkers analyzed Paul Ryan's convention speech, finding it to be rife with lies and misleading information. So, he's ready for national politics.

Rep. Ryan also promised to create 12 million new jobs in the next four years, leading to to much rejoicing in Mumbai.

In his acceptance speech at the RNC last night, Mitt Romney promised he will increase the return on investment for his donors.

Hurricane Isaac is slowing as it leaves Louisiana, probably because of all the booze and fried food.

A federal appeals court struck down the new Texas voter ID law, much to the anger of Texas lawmakers who accused the the court of subverting the democratic process. And that's the job of the Texas legislature.

Volvo is cutting their production of new cars by ten percent. In a related story, Kohl's is reducing their production of boring beige sweater vests.

And finally, a recent medical study found that monkeys who live on a reduced calorie diet don't live any longer than other monkeys. It just feels that way.

Speaking of feeling that way, I feel like this blog is over. Hope you tolerated it!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Thursday Morning Monologue - July 12, 2012

Let's make this quick. No promises for funny.

Canada ended the practice of granting work visas to exotic dancers coming to the country from overseas. So, just like your immune system, they're freaking out over foreign bodies.

Actress Sophia Vergara got engaged this week. At the wedding, she will be given away by her cleavage.

GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney said this week that he didn't know where his offshore investments were. Great, not only is he avoiding taxes, but he sucks at geography, too.

Speaking of Romney, he was booed yesterday by an audience at the NAACP. Thankfully for Romney, he was unfazed by the response as he is genetically incapable of hearing what black people say.

Attorney General Eric Holder said this week that new voter ID laws amount to a "poll tax." GOP lawmakers said it's not a tax, because it doesn't impact the wealthiest 1% of Americans.

Tour de France cyclist Remy di Gregorio faces doping charges, and will be subjected to a medical exam just as soon as organizers are able to catch him. Because he's going so fast.

And finally, Saudi Arabia is sending two female athletes to the London Olympics this summer, but only on the condition that they not be allowed to drive there.

Remember what I said about not promising funny? Yeah, there you go.