Better late than never? So sorry, but I fell asleep during the State of the Union last night. Had my own American dream. It's normal that I'm now concerned about all of our talking dog jobs being shipped overseas, right? And that those seas are full of sparkling fish-robots, right? That's normal? As per normal, here's some jokes.
Next year, Oscar voting will all be done online. Look for Ron Paul to be a big winner in several categories in 2013.
In Glenview, Illinois, a Lutheran pastor resigned yesterday over his use of "inappropriate language." I'm guessing it was Latin.
At auction, one of Liz Taylor's Dutch master sold for $2million! That must have been one unbelievable cigar.
In Oklahoma, singer Garth Brooks won back $1million he donated to a local hospital that failed to name its new building after his mother. In a related story, Chris Gaines can't afford health insurance.
In London, star of TV's
Scrubs, Zach Braff, is making his big theatre debut in the west end. In a related story, the U.K. still considers Braff to be a celebrity. Suckers...
American public school lunches are set to get more vegetables and whole grains, much to the delight of kids who like throwing quality food at the foreign students.
In Los Angeles, the mayor finally signed into law a bill requiring porn actors to use condoms. It's expected that the industry will pull out of Los Angeles.
And finally, Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney are neck and neck in Florida. The race intensified this week, when Romney announced he was switching to "attack mode," although we need to keep in mind that he's still governed by Asimov's Laws. So, he's not that dangerous.
Anyway, that's all for now. I'll be back real soon. Promise!
