Seriously, I'm done with banter. I won't even mention the new socks I got today. I won't talk about how they're both black and gray, nor will I mention the padding, stitching or elasticity. I also won't tweet any images of myself wearing the socks. Because that's been done to death. Okay, well, now is the time for jokes. Oh yeah, happy Wednesday.
Okay, nerds. Here's one for you. Sony is releasing 3D glasses for the Playstation 3. So now you can watch your identity get stolen in three dimensions!
So, the famous wrapper---excuse me, rapper---Eminem just released a new song where he slams Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga. The song is called "Hey, Remember Me? Eminem? Hey Guys!"
In other irrelevant news, President Obama's economic advisor Austan Goolsby is leaving the White House to take a teaching poisiton at the University of Chicago. He's looking forward to meeting the leaders of tomorrow, and giving them terrible economic advice. Fish gotta swim, right?
Speaking of fishy stories, television person Ann Curry will be taking over Meredith Viera on the Today show, proving once again that you don't have to be any good to succeed in life if you can just stick around long enough for everyone else to leave. Are you paying attention, kids?
In Zimbabwe, a homicide detective has been jailed for using Mugabe's toilet and faces a prison term of up to ten years for using the President's toilet. Well done, Zimbabwe! You're making great use of democracy.
Speaking of misusing your freedom, a university in Kyoto now offers students a Ph.D. in Manga, the popular Japanese comic book style. Even I think that's dorky, and I was once in a Renaissance Fair.
Pretend you don't know that.
Anyway, Kelly Bensimon, best known for her participation in Bravo's Real Housewives of New York City, recently posed for Playboy. The hardest part of the whole photo shoot was when the editors had to airbrush in some dignity. BOOM! Take THAT, person I've never met who is on a show I've never watched.
And lastly, a young woman in Florida was arrested yesterday for driving topless and drunk with a bag of marijuana sticking out of her purse. She was charged with one count of being nine months early for Spring Break.
Okay, that's the end of that. Come back tomorrow, okay? And tell your friends! Oh, and remember to use sunblock and have a great day!
Showing posts with label drunk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drunk. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Wednesday Morning Monologue - March 23, 2011
Welcome, everyone! Thanks for visiting the blog, it's great to have you here. We've got a pretty good post for you today, with timely jokes and such. Let's get to it!
Sharon Angle has a new book coming out. Wait, that's not the ridiculous part. The title is The Right Angle, which is actually a pretty appropriate encapsulation of Sharon Angle: it sounds like an okay idea at first, but the more you think about it, the more you realize Sharon Angle is a moron.
Speaking of morons, on Good Morning America yesterday, Zen master and musician Chris Brown went nuts back stage after Robin Roberts asked him questions about his famed "disagreement" with Rihanna in 2009. He broke a window, smashed furniture and left the studio, shirtless of course, without performing his second song as scheduled. Thank goodness he's got his anger issues taken care of, or that could have really gotten ugly. Oh, and nobody tell him that Taco Bell is raising their prices!
Venezuelan "President" Hugo Chavez suggested in a recent interview that capitalism may have killed off ancient life on Mars. He then blamed capitalism when he stood up and banged his funny bone on the chair.
In Edgewater, Florida, parents of grade school children are protesting the special measures required at the school to protect a first grade student with life-threatening peanut allergies. Said one parent, "I don't care what they have to do, home school, move or whatever, but I will be DAMNED if my kids don't get to eat the same crappy peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I did! This is America, and we eat peanuts!"
In Monticello, New York, a man showed up for his DWI hearing 90 minutes late, drunk, and with 4 unopened beers in his bag. He was jailed on one count of being incredibly sad.
Speaking of booze, a South African man is facing trial after allegedly pouring his whiskey drink on President Zuma. He's also been offered a reality show on Bravo.
Groupon COO Rob Solomon announced he will be stepping down from the company. Must have gotten a better offer.
And finally, Howard Stern is suing his employer, SIRIUS Satellite Radio, for not giving him the stock options he was promised in his contract. This marks the first time in years that anyone has shown any interest in getting SIRIUS stock.
And that's it for today! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed your time with us. Tell your friends, use the mighty share buttons if you feel like it, and come back for more tomorrow!
Sharon Angle has a new book coming out. Wait, that's not the ridiculous part. The title is The Right Angle, which is actually a pretty appropriate encapsulation of Sharon Angle: it sounds like an okay idea at first, but the more you think about it, the more you realize Sharon Angle is a moron.
Speaking of morons, on Good Morning America yesterday, Zen master and musician Chris Brown went nuts back stage after Robin Roberts asked him questions about his famed "disagreement" with Rihanna in 2009. He broke a window, smashed furniture and left the studio, shirtless of course, without performing his second song as scheduled. Thank goodness he's got his anger issues taken care of, or that could have really gotten ugly. Oh, and nobody tell him that Taco Bell is raising their prices!
Venezuelan "President" Hugo Chavez suggested in a recent interview that capitalism may have killed off ancient life on Mars. He then blamed capitalism when he stood up and banged his funny bone on the chair.
In Edgewater, Florida, parents of grade school children are protesting the special measures required at the school to protect a first grade student with life-threatening peanut allergies. Said one parent, "I don't care what they have to do, home school, move or whatever, but I will be DAMNED if my kids don't get to eat the same crappy peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I did! This is America, and we eat peanuts!"
In Monticello, New York, a man showed up for his DWI hearing 90 minutes late, drunk, and with 4 unopened beers in his bag. He was jailed on one count of being incredibly sad.
Speaking of booze, a South African man is facing trial after allegedly pouring his whiskey drink on President Zuma. He's also been offered a reality show on Bravo.
Groupon COO Rob Solomon announced he will be stepping down from the company. Must have gotten a better offer.
And finally, Howard Stern is suing his employer, SIRIUS Satellite Radio, for not giving him the stock options he was promised in his contract. This marks the first time in years that anyone has shown any interest in getting SIRIUS stock.
And that's it for today! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed your time with us. Tell your friends, use the mighty share buttons if you feel like it, and come back for more tomorrow!
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