More jokes!
In Russia, an Islamist sect was found living underground for nearly a decade. Some of them had never seen the sun at all. It’s almost like they’d been playing World of Warcraft.
Gallup revealed that Congress’ approval rating is at an all-time low this year, making John Boenher and Harry Reid the Usain Bolt and Yohan Blake of sucking at government.
Stuntman and douchebag Bam Margera was detained and handcuffed at the airport this week for reeking of booze. He was also detained and handcuffed at Whole Foods for reeking of booze, and at the Zoo, and the mall... He’s got problems.
Zoologists in Florida captured a giant python this week, and found it was carrying over 80 eggs. They’re speculating that it was in Florida hoping to talk shop with the Octomom.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is set to deliver the keynote speech at this year’s GOP convention. It’s going to be the first time the speech has to be bleeped.
Things are looking bad at Groupon, the daily deals website. Rumor is that their salespeople are ready to jump ship, which would explain why the website is offering so many deals on cheap salesman rentals.
In India, police blocked famous yoga guru Baba Ramdev from marching on parliament to protest corruption. However, he was allowed to defiantly crabwalk on city hall. Baby steps.
And finally, according to a recent workplace satisfaction study, Facebook is no longer one of the greatest places to work. It is still one of the greatest ways to waste time at work.
More tomorrow!
Showing posts with label world of warcraft. Show all posts
Showing posts with label world of warcraft. Show all posts
Monday, August 20, 2012
Friday, February 25, 2011
Fridays with Spencer: Now with Vitriol
Virgins of the world, rejoice! China is building a theme park based on the World of Warcraft videogame, the park is called Joyland, and two of its five sections are “Terrain of Warcraft”. No word yet on why it's called "Joyland," seeing as how the demographic of Warcraft users are morose human slugs.
Starting next year, a federal law will effectively forbid the production of 100-watt incandescent light bulbs, which are so energy inefficient that they are better used as heating elements in Easy-Bake Ovens than as light sources. Well, Hasbro, after nearly half a century of injuring children and occasionally baking things, you'll have to find another way to tell little girls they belong in the kitchen.
An improv comedian and composer named Justin Moran will open his own Spider-Man musical on March 14—the day before Julie Taymor’s troubled Spider-Man production is scheduled to open. Moran says his show, The Spidey Project: With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility, will open at the Peoples Improv Theater in Manhattan. Moran said, "My play will be a trainwreck as well, but only because I'm a hack. You know all those crappy parody movies that come out when something is popular? It'll be like that... only less thought out and with a smaller budget."
Another black eye for the SEC: The agency’s top lawyer, David Becker, and his brothers inherited more than $1.5 million from their mother that she had earned in Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme. The trustee overseeing the case, Irving Picard, has demanded Becker return the money. “This is about my parents' investments. I had nothing to do with my parents' investments," Becker tells the New York Post. He is leaving the SEC next week for a private-sector job, no doubt for one of the firms he was supposed to be regulating.
Things are looking up for Ted Williams. The "golden-voiced" homeless man who became a YouTube star and national sensation, has closed a deal to star in his own reality-TV show that will begin shooting in two weeks. Producers say, "The show will be called Second Chances at Life, and will document how Williams went from having a promising radio career to being homeless, to becoming a national treasure, as well as his attempt to rebuild his career and personal life following his recent slip-up." There you have it America, to be a "National Treasure" you just have to be: drunk, belligerent, violent, and homeless. In a related story, Snooki said she is going to start living in her car.
Rahm Emanuel won Tuesday’s mayoral election. “I'm glad all my hard work PAID-OFF.” Emanuel said in his victory speech, as an aide continued to handout checks.
Kanye West, Twitter, and abortion? The rapper sent the following tweet Wednesday night: “an abortion can cost a ballin' nigga up to 50gs maybe a 100. Gold diggin' bitches be getting pregnant on purpose. #STRAPUP my niggas!” He then followed with the tweet with another message to clarify. “It ain’t happen to me but I know people.” Which leads me to believe that the people Kanye knows, don't know where to find an affordable abortion.
The Arizona legislature is preparing new immigration laws that would outlaw illegal immigrants from driving, attending school, and receiving public benefits. Many of these laws openly flout federal laws. Under the law, schools and hospitals would require IDs; illegal immigrants would be barred from all state licenses, including marriage; and landlords would be required to evict entire families if just one illegal immigrant is found to be living with them. What's better than illegal immigrants living in Arizona? Homeless, sick, uneducated illegal immigrants living in Arizona!
Starting next year, a federal law will effectively forbid the production of 100-watt incandescent light bulbs, which are so energy inefficient that they are better used as heating elements in Easy-Bake Ovens than as light sources. Well, Hasbro, after nearly half a century of injuring children and occasionally baking things, you'll have to find another way to tell little girls they belong in the kitchen.
An improv comedian and composer named Justin Moran will open his own Spider-Man musical on March 14—the day before Julie Taymor’s troubled Spider-Man production is scheduled to open. Moran says his show, The Spidey Project: With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility, will open at the Peoples Improv Theater in Manhattan. Moran said, "My play will be a trainwreck as well, but only because I'm a hack. You know all those crappy parody movies that come out when something is popular? It'll be like that... only less thought out and with a smaller budget."
Another black eye for the SEC: The agency’s top lawyer, David Becker, and his brothers inherited more than $1.5 million from their mother that she had earned in Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme. The trustee overseeing the case, Irving Picard, has demanded Becker return the money. “This is about my parents' investments. I had nothing to do with my parents' investments," Becker tells the New York Post. He is leaving the SEC next week for a private-sector job, no doubt for one of the firms he was supposed to be regulating.
Things are looking up for Ted Williams. The "golden-voiced" homeless man who became a YouTube star and national sensation, has closed a deal to star in his own reality-TV show that will begin shooting in two weeks. Producers say, "The show will be called Second Chances at Life, and will document how Williams went from having a promising radio career to being homeless, to becoming a national treasure, as well as his attempt to rebuild his career and personal life following his recent slip-up." There you have it America, to be a "National Treasure" you just have to be: drunk, belligerent, violent, and homeless. In a related story, Snooki said she is going to start living in her car.
Rahm Emanuel won Tuesday’s mayoral election. “I'm glad all my hard work PAID-OFF.” Emanuel said in his victory speech, as an aide continued to handout checks.
Kanye West, Twitter, and abortion? The rapper sent the following tweet Wednesday night: “an abortion can cost a ballin' nigga up to 50gs maybe a 100. Gold diggin' bitches be getting pregnant on purpose. #STRAPUP my niggas!” He then followed with the tweet with another message to clarify. “It ain’t happen to me but I know people.” Which leads me to believe that the people Kanye knows, don't know where to find an affordable abortion.
The Arizona legislature is preparing new immigration laws that would outlaw illegal immigrants from driving, attending school, and receiving public benefits. Many of these laws openly flout federal laws. Under the law, schools and hospitals would require IDs; illegal immigrants would be barred from all state licenses, including marriage; and landlords would be required to evict entire families if just one illegal immigrant is found to be living with them. What's better than illegal immigrants living in Arizona? Homeless, sick, uneducated illegal immigrants living in Arizona!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wednesday Morning Monologue - December 29, 2010
Alright, lets’ get to it.
In a diplomatic cable sent last year, Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai said he longs for the “golden age” of President Bush’s first few years in office. When asked to explain his comments, Karzai said “really, I just miss the music of N’Sync. Plus, we’ve got the bar set pretty low for ‘golden ages’ in a place like Afghanistan.”
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