Let's get serious. Right after this.
In Missouri, concern is growing that Rep. Todd Akin will succeed in taking Sen. Claire McCaskill's senate seat. But the thing you need to realize is that in "legitimate elections" the body politic has a means of shutting that whole thing down. Fingers crossed.
Google Wallet is coming to MetroPCS, so now you won't need to sign a contract to have your identity stolen.
In gyms around the country, drumming is becoming the hot new full-body workout. It's especially popular with people who are extremely annoying.
Speaking of annoying, NBC is somehow leading in television ratings this season. But don't worry, Whitney will premier soon enough.
In the UK, a dentist was told to remove old magazines from the waiting room because they posed an infection risk. Also, patients were asked to stop blowing their noses in the magazines.
Photos of Fidel Castro surfaced, purporting to show that the ageless dictator is still alive. It should be noted, though that in the pictures he was wearing super-dark sunglasses and seen hanging out with Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman.
In all seriousness, Fidel Castro still alive, and has promised the people of Cuba that even if he does pass away, they will still continue to be repressed.
And finally, police in Kuwait were accused of excessive force for firing teargas at protesters. It could have been worse, though. Their first plan was to send out Joe Biden.
Serious it up, yo!
Showing posts with label todd akin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label todd akin. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Monday, October 1, 2012
Tuesday Morning Monologue - October 2, 2012
Let's make this fast and weird.
Anyone following the Iranian financial markets? What a roller coaster! The rial fell 18% on Monday, to a new record low against the U.S. dollar. Iranian analysts are blaming the country's currency problems on a combination of fluctuating oil prices, increased sanctions and Jews.
In Missouri, Rep. Todd Akin said this week that employers should be allowed to pay women less than men. He then went on to say, "no, I've never heard of the 19th amendment."
But if he's serious about cutting spending, shouldn't Congress be 100% women? We'd save a fortune in salaries.
A new safety report found that Amtrak employees are failing drug tests more often than in previous years, which must mean that Amtrak employees got a raise.
The NHL lockout is still continuing, in case you were wondering.
The Compact Disc turned 30 years old this week. Incidentally, 30 years old is the youngest age of anyone who still buys CDs.
A recent medical study found that children's cognitive development may be harmed by exposure to "secondhand" television. Especially if it's Whitney.
Hotel Transylvania opened at number one in the American box office this weekend, bringing in $43 million and proving that American's can't be trusted with money.
And finally, Kodak announced it will no longer be selling inkjet printers. Instead, they'll be focusing on products that don't irritate the shit out of people.
That's all!
Anyone following the Iranian financial markets? What a roller coaster! The rial fell 18% on Monday, to a new record low against the U.S. dollar. Iranian analysts are blaming the country's currency problems on a combination of fluctuating oil prices, increased sanctions and Jews.
In Missouri, Rep. Todd Akin said this week that employers should be allowed to pay women less than men. He then went on to say, "no, I've never heard of the 19th amendment."
But if he's serious about cutting spending, shouldn't Congress be 100% women? We'd save a fortune in salaries.
A new safety report found that Amtrak employees are failing drug tests more often than in previous years, which must mean that Amtrak employees got a raise.
The NHL lockout is still continuing, in case you were wondering.
The Compact Disc turned 30 years old this week. Incidentally, 30 years old is the youngest age of anyone who still buys CDs.
A recent medical study found that children's cognitive development may be harmed by exposure to "secondhand" television. Especially if it's Whitney.
Hotel Transylvania opened at number one in the American box office this weekend, bringing in $43 million and proving that American's can't be trusted with money.
And finally, Kodak announced it will no longer be selling inkjet printers. Instead, they'll be focusing on products that don't irritate the shit out of people.
That's all!
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Friday Morning Monologue - August 24, 2012
Love it or leave it. Please love it!
Falling circumcision rate in U.S. could lead to billions of dollars in health costs over time, as well as billions more spent on foreskin soap.
Mexican authorities in Michoacan negotiating with a separatist religious group trying to block children from attending school. Who knew the GOP was in Mexico?
Hey, remember Syria?
The new IRISNotes 2 text recognition computer program promises to turn your most unintelligible chicken scratch writing into understandable text. As proof, the makers used the program to make sense of Romney's position on welfare.
Just kidding. Hey, no seriously, what ever happened with Syria?
Hurricane Isaac is revving up, getting ready to hit Florida in time for the GOP convention. Fortunately the party leadership is used to ignoring hurricanes. It's bad news for the party, but it's still not as awkward as if they got a visit from Todd Akin. Or a rape victim.
Manufacturing is slowing in China this quarter, which must be causing all manner of wicked beatings in the factories.
Did we fix that whole Syria/Assad/Civil War thing? Can't remember now.
Election observers in Venezuela report that Hugo Chavez has a distinct monetary advantage over his challenger. He also has a distinct "I might just throw you in prison" advantage, too.
A medical study found that older men pass on more genetic mutations to their offspring, which probably means the next time Larry King has sex, Wolverine will happen.
Were they at the Olympics? Surely the press would have said something.
And finally, photos released of Prince Harry revealed that he is aptly named, and possibly Irish.
That's all! Have a great weekend, friends!
Falling circumcision rate in U.S. could lead to billions of dollars in health costs over time, as well as billions more spent on foreskin soap.
Mexican authorities in Michoacan negotiating with a separatist religious group trying to block children from attending school. Who knew the GOP was in Mexico?
Hey, remember Syria?
The new IRISNotes 2 text recognition computer program promises to turn your most unintelligible chicken scratch writing into understandable text. As proof, the makers used the program to make sense of Romney's position on welfare.
Just kidding. Hey, no seriously, what ever happened with Syria?
Hurricane Isaac is revving up, getting ready to hit Florida in time for the GOP convention. Fortunately the party leadership is used to ignoring hurricanes. It's bad news for the party, but it's still not as awkward as if they got a visit from Todd Akin. Or a rape victim.
Manufacturing is slowing in China this quarter, which must be causing all manner of wicked beatings in the factories.
Did we fix that whole Syria/Assad/Civil War thing? Can't remember now.
Election observers in Venezuela report that Hugo Chavez has a distinct monetary advantage over his challenger. He also has a distinct "I might just throw you in prison" advantage, too.
A medical study found that older men pass on more genetic mutations to their offspring, which probably means the next time Larry King has sex, Wolverine will happen.
Were they at the Olympics? Surely the press would have said something.
And finally, photos released of Prince Harry revealed that he is aptly named, and possibly Irish.
That's all! Have a great weekend, friends!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
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