The Vatican announced that Pope John Paul II is moving through the process of sainthood, and could be declared a saint this year. His kids must be so proud.
In Canada, two people are being held in conjunction with a plot to detonate a bomb at Parliament in conjunction with Canada Day celebrations. In a related story, at least two people remembered Canada Day.
Christian Bale denied rumors this week that he would be playing Batman in upcoming Justice League films. We get it. You're just playing Bruce Wayne. *wink!*
New York City will soon have its own ".nyc" Internet domain name. It will be open to the public just as soon as they figure out how to digitize rats and garbage smells.
Edward Snowden is having terrible luck finding a nation to grant him asylum. Which may explain all the Craigslist ads posted under the category "M seeks Political Asylum."
In Chicago, Teamsters have gone on strike specifically in the funeral home industry. Additional workers have been brought in to try and break the strike. In the meantime, Chicagoans have been asked to please postpone their deaths until the dispute is resolved.
Computer maker Razer is debuting a new laptop built specifically for gaming and for gamers. Among its features are the Haswell-based Core i7-4702HQ processor, Nvidia GTX 765M graphics card, and a suped-up exhaust fan to blow Cheetos crumbs away from the hard drive.
And finally, American Olympic bobsledder Lolo Jones drew the ire of the Internet when she made fun of one of the witness in the George Zimmerman murder trial. The stunned athlete was overjoyed to find out that anyone knew who the hell she was.
Showing posts with label batman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label batman. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Thursday Morning Monologue - February 2, 2012
Yesterday I stayed home sick from work, and made the mistake of falling asleep while watching a two-hour documentary on Fatty Arbuckle. I had some weird dreams, and now I get nervous any time someone offers me a soda. Thankfully that doesn't happen often. Okay, now for some made up stuff mixed in with true stuff for comedic effect.
The newest issue of Psychological Science published a study linking low I.Q. to racism, prejudice and conservatism. No word yet if there's also a correlation to the enjoyment of Whitney.
Lisa Marie Presley said yesterday that she wants to make a better Elvis film than those that have previously been made. Also, she wants to pay her rent.
In earth news, geologists are trying to use recent volcanic eruptions to predict if and when a "super volcano" may erupt. Or, they could just watch SyFy on any Saturday afternoon.
French presidential candidate Francois Hollande was flour-bombed while on the campaign trail. Mimes are suspected.
Because of their white faces.
The New Jersey city of Hoboken officially denied filming permits to a new Jersey Shore spinoff. Mayor Zimmer was praised for taking this stand to defend the local douchebag industry.
Comic publisher DC is releasing a series of prequels to the seminal Watchmen series this summer. Writer Grant Morrison is demanding they include Batman.
Because he friggin' loves Batman.
In television news, Heather Locklear is set to join the cast of Downtown Abbey. Things are about to get sexy.
And finally, Mitt Romney said yesterday that he's "not focused on the poor," probably because they don't have any money. Thanks for the honesty, Mitt.
And that's it for me! I'll see you on Monday! Till then, have a Coke and a Smile!
The newest issue of Psychological Science published a study linking low I.Q. to racism, prejudice and conservatism. No word yet if there's also a correlation to the enjoyment of Whitney.
Lisa Marie Presley said yesterday that she wants to make a better Elvis film than those that have previously been made. Also, she wants to pay her rent.
In earth news, geologists are trying to use recent volcanic eruptions to predict if and when a "super volcano" may erupt. Or, they could just watch SyFy on any Saturday afternoon.
French presidential candidate Francois Hollande was flour-bombed while on the campaign trail. Mimes are suspected.
Because of their white faces.
The New Jersey city of Hoboken officially denied filming permits to a new Jersey Shore spinoff. Mayor Zimmer was praised for taking this stand to defend the local douchebag industry.
Comic publisher DC is releasing a series of prequels to the seminal Watchmen series this summer. Writer Grant Morrison is demanding they include Batman.
Because he friggin' loves Batman.
In television news, Heather Locklear is set to join the cast of Downtown Abbey. Things are about to get sexy.
And finally, Mitt Romney said yesterday that he's "not focused on the poor," probably because they don't have any money. Thanks for the honesty, Mitt.
And that's it for me! I'll see you on Monday! Till then, have a Coke and a Smile!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Thursday Morning Monologue - July 21, 2011
Hello, Thursday!
A Taliban spokesman denied reports yesterday that Mullah Omar had been killed. As proof, they provided pictures of him partying with Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman. I am unconvinced.
British Prime Minister David Cameron issued a statement today saying how he regretted hiring scandal-rife former News of the World editor Andy Coulson as his press secretary, and wouldn't have hired him had he known more about the man. It was the most awkward press release Mr. Coulson ever wrote.
The Batman stunt spectacular arena show suffered a setback this week after the Batmobile crashed. Don't worry, Julie Taymor has an airtight alibi.
The Crown Prince of Thailand's personal jet has been impounded by Germany over disputes between the Thai government and a German construction company, and the plane won't be allowed to leave unless a €20 million is paid. Oh, that reminds me. Can we make sure Air Force One doesn't touch down anywhere in China?
In other aviation news, Iran claims that it has brought down a U.S. spy drone near one of the country's nuclear enrichment sites. As proof, they showed pictures of the drone partying with Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman.
And in other other aviation news, American Airlines announced the purchase of 460 new planes from Boeing and Airbus. That's some serious retail therapy.
In music news, the Newport Folk Festival has sold out, for the first time in its history. I guess that means folk's gone mainstream? Is it too soon for hipsters to start hating Billy Bragg, and for disaffected high school kids to start shouting "Folk's not dead!"?
And lastly, in other music news, Boyz II Men released a new CD for their 20th anniversary. It's called "Yes, We Understand We're No Longer Boyz, and No, We're Not Changing The Name." It's a concept album.
That's it! Spencer's in tomorrow, I'm back on Monday, and in the meantime, I hope you have a great weekend!
A Taliban spokesman denied reports yesterday that Mullah Omar had been killed. As proof, they provided pictures of him partying with Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman. I am unconvinced.
British Prime Minister David Cameron issued a statement today saying how he regretted hiring scandal-rife former News of the World editor Andy Coulson as his press secretary, and wouldn't have hired him had he known more about the man. It was the most awkward press release Mr. Coulson ever wrote.
The Batman stunt spectacular arena show suffered a setback this week after the Batmobile crashed. Don't worry, Julie Taymor has an airtight alibi.
The Crown Prince of Thailand's personal jet has been impounded by Germany over disputes between the Thai government and a German construction company, and the plane won't be allowed to leave unless a €20 million is paid. Oh, that reminds me. Can we make sure Air Force One doesn't touch down anywhere in China?
In other aviation news, Iran claims that it has brought down a U.S. spy drone near one of the country's nuclear enrichment sites. As proof, they showed pictures of the drone partying with Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman.
And in other other aviation news, American Airlines announced the purchase of 460 new planes from Boeing and Airbus. That's some serious retail therapy.
In music news, the Newport Folk Festival has sold out, for the first time in its history. I guess that means folk's gone mainstream? Is it too soon for hipsters to start hating Billy Bragg, and for disaffected high school kids to start shouting "Folk's not dead!"?
And lastly, in other music news, Boyz II Men released a new CD for their 20th anniversary. It's called "Yes, We Understand We're No Longer Boyz, and No, We're Not Changing The Name." It's a concept album.
That's it! Spencer's in tomorrow, I'm back on Monday, and in the meantime, I hope you have a great weekend!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Fridays with Spencer: Don't Spit on That
He is risen! He is risen, indeed. That's what you say Sunday. Until then, enjoy the hell out of this, the true "black Friday."
Now for some jokes.
Christopher Nolan, Director of the upcoming Dark Knight Rises, has confirmed that Joseph Gordon-Levitt will join the film as beat cop John Blake. This, combined with Christian Bale's weird Batman voice, will make this the gayest and hardest to understand Batman film ever. Suck it Adam West.
Researchers in China have found the largest fossil spider yet. The spider is thought to be around 165 million years old — the oldest known species of golden orb-weavers. Scientist speculate that this spider had the ability to spell messages in it's web, which it used to save its friend Wilbur from being slaughtered.
An anonymous phone-sex company in Philadelphia now owns almost one quarter of the toll-free 800 numbers in the U.S. and Canada, according to public records. Suicide prevention hotlines complained about the lack of numbers, but really, phone sex is a great way to delay suicide.
Pope Benedict kicked off Holy Week celebrations with a warning for the Palm Sunday crowd. He said, “technology can't replace God.” The 84-year-old Pope said that though technology has improved the lives of many, it has also increased the possibilities for evil. In a related story, Steve Jobs pushed back the launch of Apple's new product, the iGod.
House Speaker John Boehner made a surprise trip to Baghdad on Saturday, meeting with Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki in his first visit since ascending to the role of speaker. Boehner is trying to fix the Iraq war, which everyone agree's is Bush's Boner.
Better or worse than asking for a rain dance? Texas Governor Rick Perry has called on his state’s citizens to pray for rain, as deadly wildfires continue to grip wide swaths of the state. Hey, Governor Perry, I think Jesus is a little busy today... what with celebrating the anniversary of dying for the world's sins and all.
Sources say Harry Potter star Emma Watson dropped out of Brown University because she was bullied. Fellow students say Watson was mercilessly taunted at school, with students making comments like “Three points for Gryffindor!” whenever she answered a question in class. Watson, 21, was reported to answer every question with, "I am a millionaire and this is an ivy league school!"
It’s not just iPhones that have been tracking your every move: Google’s Android smartphones have also been transmitting users’ locations and sending the results back to headquarters. In a related story, Skynet became self-aware yesterday.
Hugs and kisses! I love you all.
Now for some jokes.
Christopher Nolan, Director of the upcoming Dark Knight Rises, has confirmed that Joseph Gordon-Levitt will join the film as beat cop John Blake. This, combined with Christian Bale's weird Batman voice, will make this the gayest and hardest to understand Batman film ever. Suck it Adam West.
Researchers in China have found the largest fossil spider yet. The spider is thought to be around 165 million years old — the oldest known species of golden orb-weavers. Scientist speculate that this spider had the ability to spell messages in it's web, which it used to save its friend Wilbur from being slaughtered.
An anonymous phone-sex company in Philadelphia now owns almost one quarter of the toll-free 800 numbers in the U.S. and Canada, according to public records. Suicide prevention hotlines complained about the lack of numbers, but really, phone sex is a great way to delay suicide.
Pope Benedict kicked off Holy Week celebrations with a warning for the Palm Sunday crowd. He said, “technology can't replace God.” The 84-year-old Pope said that though technology has improved the lives of many, it has also increased the possibilities for evil. In a related story, Steve Jobs pushed back the launch of Apple's new product, the iGod.
House Speaker John Boehner made a surprise trip to Baghdad on Saturday, meeting with Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki in his first visit since ascending to the role of speaker. Boehner is trying to fix the Iraq war, which everyone agree's is Bush's Boner.
Better or worse than asking for a rain dance? Texas Governor Rick Perry has called on his state’s citizens to pray for rain, as deadly wildfires continue to grip wide swaths of the state. Hey, Governor Perry, I think Jesus is a little busy today... what with celebrating the anniversary of dying for the world's sins and all.
Sources say Harry Potter star Emma Watson dropped out of Brown University because she was bullied. Fellow students say Watson was mercilessly taunted at school, with students making comments like “Three points for Gryffindor!” whenever she answered a question in class. Watson, 21, was reported to answer every question with, "I am a millionaire and this is an ivy league school!"
It’s not just iPhones that have been tracking your every move: Google’s Android smartphones have also been transmitting users’ locations and sending the results back to headquarters. In a related story, Skynet became self-aware yesterday.
Hugs and kisses! I love you all.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Wednesday Morning Monologue - April 6, 2011
Did you all hear about what happened on DWTS? What's that? You don't even know what DWTS is? Well, we're going to get along just fine. How about enjoying these hand-crafted jokes?
Abstinence advocate Bristol Palin earned $262,500 last year working for abstinence-only organizations, making her one of the highest-paid sex workers in the country. Also, her message to kids was: "don't have sex, or your life might get ruined like mine."
Christopher Nolan will be filming the third Batman film in Pittsburgh, as it is the only city dark and hopeless enough provide the proper backdrop. Good work, Chamber of Commerce! Director Nolan has also asked that M. Night Shyamalan leave the state for the duration of filming "just in case."
In Las Vegas, former rocker and bloated spandex-proponent Vince Neil is facing two misdemeanor charges stemming from a fight with an ex-girlfriend. When asked for comment, Mr. Neil said "What do I care about misdemeanors? I once killed a guy! Bring it on!" He then offered to sign anyone's boobs.
In other music news, Liam Gallagher's new band, Beady Eye, released a cover of "Across the Universe" to raise money for a Japanese charity, thus cementing their place as best Beatles cover band in the world
Elsewhere in UK music, singer-songwriter Kate Bush finally got permission to use text from James Joyce's Ulysses in a song. She's planning to record the most boring, pointless song you've ever been forced to listen to in college.
In happier news, boxer Laila Ali gave birth to a daughter last week. She's already 3 - 0 with 1 knockout and she's cute as a button.
Actor and media pundit James Franco recently declared "social media is over,"and it was retweeted by hundreds of people within minutes.
And last, cinemas in the UK are planning to show an orchestral concert filmed entirely in 3D in an attempt to ruin any excitement anyone felt for the technology. Up next: an XBOX Kinect game that let's you fold laundry. There's gotta be a better way to get girls to buy games...
And with that, I bid you adieu for Wednesday. Feel free to share this blog via any of the social media buttons below, even though social media is dead, and come see us again tomorrow! In the meantime, have a great day, everybody!
Abstinence advocate Bristol Palin earned $262,500 last year working for abstinence-only organizations, making her one of the highest-paid sex workers in the country. Also, her message to kids was: "don't have sex, or your life might get ruined like mine."
Christopher Nolan will be filming the third Batman film in Pittsburgh, as it is the only city dark and hopeless enough provide the proper backdrop. Good work, Chamber of Commerce! Director Nolan has also asked that M. Night Shyamalan leave the state for the duration of filming "just in case."
In Las Vegas, former rocker and bloated spandex-proponent Vince Neil is facing two misdemeanor charges stemming from a fight with an ex-girlfriend. When asked for comment, Mr. Neil said "What do I care about misdemeanors? I once killed a guy! Bring it on!" He then offered to sign anyone's boobs.
In other music news, Liam Gallagher's new band, Beady Eye, released a cover of "Across the Universe" to raise money for a Japanese charity, thus cementing their place as best Beatles cover band in the world
Elsewhere in UK music, singer-songwriter Kate Bush finally got permission to use text from James Joyce's Ulysses in a song. She's planning to record the most boring, pointless song you've ever been forced to listen to in college.
In happier news, boxer Laila Ali gave birth to a daughter last week. She's already 3 - 0 with 1 knockout and she's cute as a button.
Actor and media pundit James Franco recently declared "social media is over,"and it was retweeted by hundreds of people within minutes.
And last, cinemas in the UK are planning to show an orchestral concert filmed entirely in 3D in an attempt to ruin any excitement anyone felt for the technology. Up next: an XBOX Kinect game that let's you fold laundry. There's gotta be a better way to get girls to buy games...
And with that, I bid you adieu for Wednesday. Feel free to share this blog via any of the social media buttons below, even though social media is dead, and come see us again tomorrow! In the meantime, have a great day, everybody!
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