Fridays with Spencer: Don't Spit on That

He is risen! He is risen, indeed. That's what you say Sunday. Until then, enjoy the hell out of this, the true "black Friday."
Now for some jokes.

Christopher Nolan, Director of the upcoming Dark Knight Rises, has confirmed that Joseph Gordon-Levitt will join the film as beat cop John Blake. This, combined with Christian Bale's weird Batman voice, will make this the gayest and hardest to understand Batman film ever. Suck it Adam West.

Researchers in China have found the largest fossil spider yet. The spider is thought to be around 165 million years old — the oldest known species of golden orb-weavers. Scientist speculate that this spider had the ability to spell messages in it's web, which it used to save its friend Wilbur from being slaughtered.

An anonymous phone-sex company in Philadelphia now owns almost one quarter of the toll-free 800 numbers in the U.S. and Canada, according to public records. Suicide prevention hotlines complained about the lack of numbers, but really, phone sex is a great way to delay suicide.

Pope Benedict kicked off Holy Week celebrations with a warning for the Palm Sunday crowd. He said, “technology can't replace God.” The 84-year-old Pope said that though technology has improved the lives of many, it has also increased the possibilities for evil. In a related story, Steve Jobs pushed back the launch of Apple's new product, the iGod.

House Speaker John Boehner made a surprise trip to Baghdad on Saturday, meeting with Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki in his first visit since ascending to the role of speaker. Boehner is trying to fix the Iraq war, which everyone agree's is Bush's Boner.

Better or worse than asking for a rain dance? Texas Governor Rick Perry has called on his state’s citizens to pray for rain, as deadly wildfires continue to grip wide swaths of the state. Hey, Governor Perry, I think Jesus is a little busy today... what with celebrating the anniversary of dying for the world's sins and all.

Sources say Harry Potter star Emma Watson dropped out of Brown University because she was bullied. Fellow students say Watson was mercilessly taunted at school, with students making comments like “Three points for Gryffindor!” whenever she answered a question in class. Watson, 21, was reported to answer every question with, "I am a millionaire and this is an ivy league school!"

It’s not just iPhones that have been tracking your every move: Google’s Android smartphones have also been transmitting users’ locations and sending the results back to headquarters. In a related story, Skynet became self-aware yesterday.

Hugs and kisses! I love you all.