Earnest's Weekend Monologue - April 24, 2011

The White House is having an Easter egg hunt today with 30,000 guests showing up to look for Easter eggs. And of course the Republicans immediately blamed Barack for losing all the eggs. "They were there when he took office!" The Democrats fought back by cutting healthcare and offering to raise taxes a little.

The Pope gave an Easter speech in which he said humanity wasn't an accident. He said "If man were merely a random product of evolution in some place on the margins of the universe, then his life would make no sense or might even be a chance of nature," he said. "But no, reason is there at the beginning: creative, divine reason." To which I counter: Charlie Sheen.

The Russian Space Agency is denying rumors of secret sex experiments in space. They claim there's "no official or unoffical evidence of sexual intercourse in space, and it certainly wasn't awkward the next morning when everyone woke up but refused to discuss the events of the night before."

Texas governor Rick Perry is asking Texans to pray for rain. That's never going to work. If you've ever been to Texas, you know God gave up on it a long time ago.

Speaking of religion, the King James Bible turns 400 this year. The book has left a lasting legacy. It was the first reboot of an aging franchise. More people have pretended to read that book than any other book in the world.

The Paul Reiser Show was cancelled after just two episodes. Upon hearing that news, Texas Governer Rick Perry said his prayers had been answered.

Come back Monday through Friday for jokes from Seth and Spencer!