Okay, it's Tuesday. Nothing you can do about it, so you might as well laugh. To that end, may I interest you in some jokes?
McDonald's announced it is hiring 50,000 new workers as part of a planned expansion across America. The news sent stock prices skyrocketing for companies that manufacture fat pants.
Speaking of fat pants, looks like Kevin Smith dodged a bullet when he got booted off a Southwest flight for being overweight, as it turns out their planes are made of fatigued steel and good intentions. Not a great place for a big guy.
In television news news, CBS anchor Katie Couric is leaving the network to pursue her first love: undergoing colonoscopies and making people watch the video.
President Obama announced this weekend he is seeking reelection. It's great that he's taken on the work of campaigning, because he's had way too much free time lately.
A rumor is circulating that princess-to-be Kate Middleton may have to sign a prenup agreement. When reached for comment, Prince William simply said "I ain't no chump."
In Kazakhstan, President Nazarbayev won a completely fair and transparent election recently, taking 95.5% of the vote. In a related story, 4.5% of Kazakhstani people just got really nervous.
After a disastrous opening night in Detroit, Charlie Sheen's not-at-all-insane live tour got rave reviews in Chicago. Why? Because he's bi-polar. He's mentally ill, and he needs help.
Lastly, a record was set this past week for modern Chinese art, when a Chinese artist sold a triptych of paintings for $10 million. It was originally a tetrad, but censors confiscated the fourth painting. Because they're totalitarian!
Okay, that's all from me. Keep slogging away, friends! Share the "joy" with your friends and acquaintances and come back for more tomorrow! And as always, have a great day!
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