So, this is Thursday, traditionally known as Ladies' Night. Congratulations, ladies. Make it count. Okay, whatever. Enjoy these jokes.
President Obama released his full birth certificate yesterday, and it turns out he's actually from America. And his birthday is coming up. I'm sure Orily Taitz will be getting him a great birthday present. 'Cause she's so damn classy.
Lindsay Lohan said she wants an Oscar by the time she's 30. Apparently she's already staked out Marisa Tomei's house.
She also said she was numb after hearing that she would have to go to jail. In a related story, Bernie Madoff would give anything for certain parts of himself to be numb.
A new company is marketing low-proof booze. It's sold along with novocaine condoms and decaf espresso.
In Washington, Rep. Dean Heller will fill John Ensign's empty Senate seat. Hope he washes it first.
Steven Tyler, formerly of Aerosmith and currently of American Idol, said in a recent interview that he joined the show to prove a point to his former bandmates: that he can ruin music without them.
In San Francisco, a group is lobbying to ban circumcisions. They had trouble gaining popular support with their first slogan, though: "hands off our penises."
And finally, doctors in the southwest found that armadillos are spreading leprosy, which would explain why Jesus is spending so much time with them.
That's it for me! Spencer is here tomorrow, and Ernest is here on Sunday, so come back and get your fill of funny.
And if you're in Hoboken or the NYC area this weekend, come see me at The Clam Broth House in Hoboken, Friday at 9 pm or Saturday at 7 pm at the Eastville Comedy Club. Do it!
And gave a great day.
President Obama released his full birth certificate yesterday, and it turns out he's actually from America. And his birthday is coming up. I'm sure Orily Taitz will be getting him a great birthday present. 'Cause she's so damn classy.
Lindsay Lohan said she wants an Oscar by the time she's 30. Apparently she's already staked out Marisa Tomei's house.
She also said she was numb after hearing that she would have to go to jail. In a related story, Bernie Madoff would give anything for certain parts of himself to be numb.
A new company is marketing low-proof booze. It's sold along with novocaine condoms and decaf espresso.
In Washington, Rep. Dean Heller will fill John Ensign's empty Senate seat. Hope he washes it first.
Steven Tyler, formerly of Aerosmith and currently of American Idol, said in a recent interview that he joined the show to prove a point to his former bandmates: that he can ruin music without them.
In San Francisco, a group is lobbying to ban circumcisions. They had trouble gaining popular support with their first slogan, though: "hands off our penises."
And finally, doctors in the southwest found that armadillos are spreading leprosy, which would explain why Jesus is spending so much time with them.
That's it for me! Spencer is here tomorrow, and Ernest is here on Sunday, so come back and get your fill of funny.
And if you're in Hoboken or the NYC area this weekend, come see me at The Clam Broth House in Hoboken, Friday at 9 pm or Saturday at 7 pm at the Eastville Comedy Club. Do it!
And gave a great day.
Low proof booze?! There's nothing funny about taking alcohol from alcohol.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's for high school kids.
ReplyDelete