Okay, Monday. I don't like you, and you don't like me. So let's get this over with and go our separate ways. I wonder how many blind dates this week will at some point include that sentiment.
In Washington State, high school janitor Tyrone Curry donated $40,000 to the school to complete a new race track for the students. In his honor, the cafeteria will now serve Tyrone Curry Chicken every Tuesday. In a related story, Mr. Curry will now be teaching Economics at the school, or as it will be known in the classes, "Tyron-omics."
In his Easter sermon this weekend, Pope Benedict turned the power of the Papacy to events in Africa, and urged for diplomacy in Libya to end the violence. This is great news, as things have always improved for Africans once Europeans decide to get involved their lives. Oh, and how's that whole AIDS vs. Condoms thing working out?
A new museum, called MoMath, is being planned for New York. The goal of the organization is to encourage math appreciation among visitors. A spokesman for the organization said "hey, you guys! Let me out of this locker! And gimme back my underpants! Come on!"
In Afghanistan, local authorities are stepping up efforts to curtail the illegal trade in stolen and fake police uniforms. At least, they said they were local authorities...
In politics, GOP Presidential hopeful Rick Santorum said this weekend that he still regrets voting for the extension of Medicare Part D benefits, as that vote makes it harder for voters to take him seriously when talking about reducing the deficit. Also making it harder for voters to take him seriously: Google.
Elsewhere in politics, Sen. James Coburn (R-OK) said that he was in favor increasing government fundraising through the closing of existing tax loopholes. The Senator assured his supporters, however, that "despite supporting this clearly logical position, I am still as batshit crazy as ever."
In entertainment news, television personality and host of X Factor, Simon Cowell, responded this weekend to rumors that Paula Abdul would be a guest star on the program. He clarified by saying "Paula Abdul will not be a judge on X Factor. What I actually said was, all the X she's on will be a factor in Paula Abdul's judgment. She likes pills, people! Why are we not staging an intervention!"
And lastly, a small plane filled with cocaine crashed into a New Mexico lake this weekend. Local authorities became suspicious when they noticed that fish in the lake would not stop talking.
That's it. Take it for what it's worth. See you tomorrow, and hope you have a great day!
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