Monday, April 18, 2011

Tuesday Morning Monologue - April 19, 2011

We all need a distraction from time to time. Today, like every other day, it's gonna be jokes.

Following the peaceful election of Goodluck Jonathan in Nigeria, riots broke out across the country, right on schedule.

A company recently started selling a home STD test, touting the importance of privacy and discretion. After accusations that the tests are largely inaccurate, the manufacturer explained that the test is so private, not even the patient can be told the results.

The U.S. Navy recently unveiled new laser-based weaponry that will be used to fight pirates in what has been dubbed Operation Totally Awesome.

Justin Bieber lost his crown as the most viewed on YouTube last week to Rebecca Black and her video for "Friday." A confused Bieber said "Wait a minute, her song sucks... have I been doing this wrong the while time?"

The Volkswagen Beetle is undergoing yet another redesign. The company is just trying to get as far away from Hitler's original design as possible.

Dating website Match.Com began screening it's users to identify sex offenders. Membership in eHarmony expected to explode.

Donald Trump recently called America a laughingstock, but made no reference to his hair.

And finally, Google has begun teaching computers to feel regret, and shame. Next they'll be learning to appreciate the films of Ingmar Bergman.

That's all for today! See you tomorrow!

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