Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe says that his victory is a clear mandate from the people to take over international banks in the country. Basically, he says it's a mandate to take control of any place known for keeping an accurate count of things.
Doctors at the University of Virginia at Charolottesville concluded that kids who drink sugary beverages are more likely to be obese. But still no clear link to cooties.
Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos is purchasing The Washington Post, just when you thought no one was buying the newspaper anymore.
American security services said that embassies and consulates in the middle east will remain closed following communications they intercepted from al Qaeda, which must mean that al Qaeda is finally on Facebook.
The Obama administration vetoes a recent ban on the importation of various Apple iPhones. When asked why, White House spokesmen said "because they're totally easy to spy on."
Time Warner Cable has blacked out CBS following stalled negotiations, although CBS programming will still be available on the Internet. And if there's one thing CBS viewers are comfortable with, it's the Internet.
In London, scientists debuted the world's first lab-grown hamburger. The patty cost just under $200,000 to produce, which is why fast food workers can't get a raise.
And finally, other scientists used an atomic force microscope to paint the world's smallest copy of "The Mona Lisa" using a process called thermochemical nanolithography. No word on what process or microscope they'll use to find someone who gives a shit.
Ta.
Showing posts with label amazon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label amazon. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Monday Morning Monologue - March 14, 2011
Did you enjoy your 47 hour weekend? Where did that extra hour go? Pretty sure Gov. Walker gave it to the Koch brothers. But we've still got jokes.
Conan O'Brien went to South by South West this weekend to see a documentary based on his firing from the Tonight Show. Festival organizers bumped his screening to midnight just for old times' sake.
On an Alaska Airlines flight, Air Marshals and FBI agents were alerted to "suspicious" behavior by three passengers. It turns out the men were Orthodox Jews and they were praying. Nice work, everyone. As a precaution, TSA screeners are now confiscating weaponized prayer beads from air travelers.
In a related story, the guy who played Gopher on The Love Boat is planning a radio show to deal with the topic of radical Islam. This sentence was brought to you in part by Mad-Libs.
Also in tolerance news, or "intolerance" news, Tennessee lawmakers want to make it a felony for residents to follow Sharia law. Guess that means mandatory porkchop sandwiches for everyone! Oh, and screw the First Amendment.
In Slovakia, a two-headed and five-legged turtle has been accurately predicting the winners in a Slovakian hockey tournament. Sports historians agree this is the most exciting thing to ever happen in hockey.
In Israel, Jewish and Arab rappers came together to form a hip hop group promoting peace and understanding through what is surely awful, awful hip hop. Featuring Timbaland, of course.
And lastly, Amazon is considering giving free Kindles to their Amazon Prime members. Meanwhile, Borders employees are subsisting on a glue-and-pulp soup made from boiling unsold copies of Sarah Palin's memoir.
That's all for now! Have an awesome Monday, everyone! Leave your comments, email/repost us to your hearts' content, and we'll see you again tomorrow!
Conan O'Brien went to South by South West this weekend to see a documentary based on his firing from the Tonight Show. Festival organizers bumped his screening to midnight just for old times' sake.
In legal news, former Survivor star Richard Hatch is going back to prison to serve out his sentence for unpaid taxes. There's been no word about a possible special appearance on LOCKDOWN.
In other celebrity news, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel broke up, which means now we'll have to suffer through an awful, morose breakup album from Timberlake. Featuring Timbaland, of course.
In a related story, the guy who played Gopher on The Love Boat is planning a radio show to deal with the topic of radical Islam. This sentence was brought to you in part by Mad-Libs.
Also in tolerance news, or "intolerance" news, Tennessee lawmakers want to make it a felony for residents to follow Sharia law. Guess that means mandatory porkchop sandwiches for everyone! Oh, and screw the First Amendment.
In Slovakia, a two-headed and five-legged turtle has been accurately predicting the winners in a Slovakian hockey tournament. Sports historians agree this is the most exciting thing to ever happen in hockey.
In Israel, Jewish and Arab rappers came together to form a hip hop group promoting peace and understanding through what is surely awful, awful hip hop. Featuring Timbaland, of course.
And lastly, Amazon is considering giving free Kindles to their Amazon Prime members. Meanwhile, Borders employees are subsisting on a glue-and-pulp soup made from boiling unsold copies of Sarah Palin's memoir.
That's all for now! Have an awesome Monday, everyone! Leave your comments, email/repost us to your hearts' content, and we'll see you again tomorrow!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Tuesday Morning Monologue - December 28, 2010
Alright, lets’ get to it.
The East Coast is digging itself out from under massive snow drifts after this weekend’s blizzard. New Yorkers aren't complaining though, as the snow is blocking the smell of the homeless people. Also, now they look like snowmen. Sad, angry snowmen.
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