Good morning, y'all.
In Greece, two video game makers were arrested on spying charges after taking photographs of military installations. They're now planning to turn the experience into a new game, "Extreme Waterboarding 3D."
In Zimbabwe, a Swiss tourist was fined for insulting President Mugabe. Jeffrey Ross has cancelled his tour.
In television news, Dr. Phil recently called Dina Lohan "phony" before also telling her she was balding, had a stupid moustache and her medical credentials were dubious at best.
The NHL lockout deadline passed this weekend with no deal, leaving at least a dozen fans distraught.
In England, the royal family is taking to the courts to try and stop the spread of topless photos of Kate Middleton because that's how the Internet works.
In China, anti-Japanese protests are spreading across the country. Damn, even their bigotry is more efficient than ours.
In better news, poverty level dropped slightly last month. Gov. Romney congratulated the newly not poor on finally earning their first million dollar paychecks.
And finally, the Boy Scouts of America came under fire this week when the Los Angeles Times reported the organization has helped hide the presence of child molesters in the organization since 1903. The first clue: the Help Hide A Pedophile merit badge.
We are at an end. Till tomorrow!
Showing posts with label pedophiles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pedophiles. Show all posts
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Monday Morning Monologue - March 21, 2011
Happy Monday, everybody, and happy beginning of Spring! Wanna see if this season is as funny as the last one? Let's dive in.
In communication news, AT&T is attempting to buy T-Mobile for $39 billion. Guess those commercials with the girl in the polka dot dress really worked.
In Belize, increased international demand for the grain quinoa has raised the price so much that the farmers growing the staple food are no longer able to afford eating it themselves. One local grower said "damn it! This is exactly what happened with cocaine!"
In Utah, the governor designated the Browning model M1911 handgun as the official state firearm. He also changed the state motto to "BLAM!"
In entertainment news, former actor Kevin Costner has officially joined the production of the new Superman movie. He immediately denied all rumors that the film would be "any good at all."
In legal news, an international pedophile ring was busted this week, netting over 300,000 suspected pedophiles. So, if the creepy guy who lives down down the street is still there, he's probably legit.
In diplomatic news, Carlos Pascual, America's ambassador to Mexico, has resigned after saying the Mexican government was proving ineffective in the war on drugs. He also confirmed that, yes, that dress does makes his wife's ass look a little fat.
In other romantic news, Tiger Woods has a new girlfriend. The famed golfer says he's happy to be in a relationship, and is looking forward to just cheating on one woman at a time.
In lastly, Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen just bought a refurbished MiG-29 fighter jet, meaning things are about to get very bad for anyone who ever gave him a wedgie.
In the end, that's all I've got for you today. Share us with your friends and networks through the magical buttons below, tell us what's on your mind, and come back soon!
Have a great day!
In communication news, AT&T is attempting to buy T-Mobile for $39 billion. Guess those commercials with the girl in the polka dot dress really worked.
In Belize, increased international demand for the grain quinoa has raised the price so much that the farmers growing the staple food are no longer able to afford eating it themselves. One local grower said "damn it! This is exactly what happened with cocaine!"
In Utah, the governor designated the Browning model M1911 handgun as the official state firearm. He also changed the state motto to "BLAM!"
In entertainment news, former actor Kevin Costner has officially joined the production of the new Superman movie. He immediately denied all rumors that the film would be "any good at all."
In legal news, an international pedophile ring was busted this week, netting over 300,000 suspected pedophiles. So, if the creepy guy who lives down down the street is still there, he's probably legit.
In diplomatic news, Carlos Pascual, America's ambassador to Mexico, has resigned after saying the Mexican government was proving ineffective in the war on drugs. He also confirmed that, yes, that dress does makes his wife's ass look a little fat.
In other romantic news, Tiger Woods has a new girlfriend. The famed golfer says he's happy to be in a relationship, and is looking forward to just cheating on one woman at a time.
In lastly, Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen just bought a refurbished MiG-29 fighter jet, meaning things are about to get very bad for anyone who ever gave him a wedgie.
In the end, that's all I've got for you today. Share us with your friends and networks through the magical buttons below, tell us what's on your mind, and come back soon!
Have a great day!
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