Showing posts with label teachers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teachers. Show all posts

Friday, June 7, 2013

Friday Morning Monologue - June 7, 2013

Don't look now! Vladimir Putin just announced he's getting a divorce. So, watch out, ladies! No, seriously, watch out for Vladimir Putin.

In New York, the courts lifted a ban on phone apps used to hail cabs after the courts were assured that they would not be made available to black people.

Speaking of phones, people are up in arms about the NSA secretly eavesdropping on American phone calls. But if you think people are angry over this now, wait till you hear what they're saying about it in private.

Furthermore, Facebook denied giving the government direct access to their servers to spy on users and gather information. According to Facebook, they only do that for advertisers.

Apple also denied giving the government direct access to their servers, but that's because the government refused to purchase Apple's proprietary data cable to make the connection.

AT&T boasted that they have increased the number of Internet-connected devices on their network by over 500,000 this quarter. Even better, they've connected over 1 million to the NSA.

Broadcaster Glenn Beck said he regrets that he may have said things on his programs that alienated some Americans, even if those Americans are stupid Communists who hate America.

A pilot program in England is training returning war veterans to work as teachers. It's part of a new push to increase reenlistment rates.

At Sotheby's on Wednesday, a Persian rug went at auction for a record-setting $33.8 million. And somewhere soon, a tiny dog is going to have the most decadent bowel movement in recorded history.

And finally, disgraced writer Jonah Lehrer, dismissed from The New Yorker for plagiarism, has a new book coming out about the power of love. So now he's ripping off Huey Lewis and The News.


Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Thursday Morning Monologue - February 24, 2011

Yesterday in Central Falls, Rhode Island, the city fired all of its high school teachers in what sounds suspiciously like the beginning of a raucous teen comedy.

Ford Motors recalled thousands of F-150 trucks over a problem with improperly installed airbags. A spokesman for the company explained, saying, "our trucks aren't supposed to have airbags 'cause our customers don't need 'em! Airbags are for little sissies who drive Chevrolets! Right?! Yeah! Let's go get tanked! Ford tough!"

In a bold show of leadership by omission, the Obama administration will no longer be defending federal laws that ban gay marriage. Congratulations, President Obama, for being lazy enough to finally do the right thing on gay marriage!

Alleged television star and "Real Housewives" participant Countess LuAnn de Lesseps is back in the news for her upcoming appearance on Law and Order: SVU. Ms. de Lesseps said she's excited to be back in scripted television.

A recent software update from Microsoft caused some Windows Mobile devices to stop working entirely. When confronted by angry consumers, Steve Ballmer said "come on, you can't really be surprised."

Christine O'Donnell revealed yesterday that she was invited to join Dancing With The Stars, indicating that America may be out of stars. When asked if she could dance, Ms. O'Donnell replied, "no, but I also can't think in coherent thoughts, and I was almost a Senator. Why not give it a shot?"

Musician/rolemodel Sting said yesterday that he was troubled by the violence in Libya, and worried about the future of the country. Well, that's it. If you've lost Sting, you've lost Libya.

Lastly, a man jumped the barricade during a taping of NBC's Today Show, shouting "I'm God's gift to music!" before being subdued by security guards. It's the most bizarre Today Show moment in recent memory that didn't involve Kathie Lee.

That's it for me. Spencer's here tomorrow and Earnest checks in on Sunday. Tell your friends, share us on Facebook/Twitter/Buzz/CompuServe and let us know what you're thinking!