Happy Thursday to all you Gregorian calendar-aficionados! Let's see what's funny.
Lindsay Lohan is going back to host Saturday Night Live for the fourth time this Saturday, because nothing goes better with new-found sobriety than a week at SNL. Sorry to be a downer.
And sad news out of the music world, as we will have to stage another Grammy Awards ceremony for Davey Jones.
In clothing news, the Navajo Nation is suing Urban Outfitters for misappropriating their tribal identity for a use in a clothing line. No word yet if similar legal action is forthcoming from the Grand Duchy of Douche.
A man seized at the Cairo airport turned out to not, I repeat NOT, be al Qaeda leader Saif al-Adel. However, the man is now questioning the wisdom of a career as a Saif al-Adel impersonator.
This week, Yahoo! reported that Reese Witherspoon had a serious talk with her children about recognizing and preventing domestic violence. She then apparently had a serious talk with them about issuing press releases to Yahoo! to let the world know about every damn thing you do.
Fifteen Academy Awards were auctioned off for $3million this week. See, they're not worthless after all.
In Methuen, Massachusetts, school officials apologized this week for a mis-print in the school cafeteria which advertised "KKK Chicken Tenders." They quickly fixed the error and apologized to the community. However, they were oddly silent about the "Holocaust Never Happened Milkshake."
And, finally, scientists have succeeded in artificially growing human brain cells from families with a history of mental illness in order to study their abnormalities. There, kids. That's how you write a SyFy movie. Now we just need to add a shark...
Okay, that's it! Keep watching the skies!
Showing posts with label holocaust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holocaust. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, March 7, 2011
Tuesday Morning Monologue - March 8, 2011
Hoo, boy. It's Tuesday, and we've got a great blog for you. Here's some real things that happened, but with fake stuff added for comedic effect:
The criminal case against Lindsay Lohan may be in jeopardy, as the jewelry store reportedly sold the security camera video of her stealing the necklace in question. This is great news for Lindsay, first because it may keep out of prison (again), but also because it's the closest thing she's had to a starring role in years.
In Oklahoma, state law enforcement is concerned that the current budget may not provide sufficient funds for cleaning up meth labs once they're busted by police. I've always wondered what the step was between "normal society" and "Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome," and I think it may well be when we start leaving old meth labs untended out in the wilderness.
In Mexican news, Marisol Valles Garcia, the 20-year old woman who became police chief in one of the most violent towns in the country, has been fired. It seems she left the country after she received multiple death threats and remembered that she got the job after the previous chief was decapitated. A spokesman for the city said "while we appreciate her desire to not be decapitated, we can't have people leave like that and not fill out the proper vacation request forms."
In California, ferret owners are demanding that the state legalize ferret ownership. Something tells me that's not the only thing ferret owners want legalized. Maybe they should just concentrate on getting the state to allow licenses for medicinal ferrets.
In a recent interview, Canadian pop-singer Avril Lavigne said that she often forgets the lyrics to her songs. That's probably because they're so forgettable, Avril.
In Iran, the French Holocaust documentary Shoah will be aired on a Los Angeles satellite television station that broadcasts to Iran. The film, dubbed into Farsi for the first time, will also be broadcast on Iranian state television, but their version will have all sorts of zany sound effects added.
China recently denied following and harassing foreign journalists. A spokesman for Chinese authorities said, "oh, that's hilarious that you would think that! Oh, really, that's just too much," adding "who told you that? No, really, who told you that? This will go a lot easier if you just tell us."
Lastly, the flagship Barbie store in China is closing, because even plastic girls aren't popular in China. Happy Women's History Month!
That's it for today. Comments, reviews and other feedback are welcome and helpful, as always. If you like what you see, tell the world via email/Twitter/Facebook/Blogger/Buzz, and you will forever be known to your friends as cool, forward-thinking and hip to the cutting edge of topical humor blogs.
Aloha!
The criminal case against Lindsay Lohan may be in jeopardy, as the jewelry store reportedly sold the security camera video of her stealing the necklace in question. This is great news for Lindsay, first because it may keep out of prison (again), but also because it's the closest thing she's had to a starring role in years.
In Oklahoma, state law enforcement is concerned that the current budget may not provide sufficient funds for cleaning up meth labs once they're busted by police. I've always wondered what the step was between "normal society" and "Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome," and I think it may well be when we start leaving old meth labs untended out in the wilderness.
In Mexican news, Marisol Valles Garcia, the 20-year old woman who became police chief in one of the most violent towns in the country, has been fired. It seems she left the country after she received multiple death threats and remembered that she got the job after the previous chief was decapitated. A spokesman for the city said "while we appreciate her desire to not be decapitated, we can't have people leave like that and not fill out the proper vacation request forms."
In California, ferret owners are demanding that the state legalize ferret ownership. Something tells me that's not the only thing ferret owners want legalized. Maybe they should just concentrate on getting the state to allow licenses for medicinal ferrets.
In a recent interview, Canadian pop-singer Avril Lavigne said that she often forgets the lyrics to her songs. That's probably because they're so forgettable, Avril.
In Iran, the French Holocaust documentary Shoah will be aired on a Los Angeles satellite television station that broadcasts to Iran. The film, dubbed into Farsi for the first time, will also be broadcast on Iranian state television, but their version will have all sorts of zany sound effects added.
China recently denied following and harassing foreign journalists. A spokesman for Chinese authorities said, "oh, that's hilarious that you would think that! Oh, really, that's just too much," adding "who told you that? No, really, who told you that? This will go a lot easier if you just tell us."
Lastly, the flagship Barbie store in China is closing, because even plastic girls aren't popular in China. Happy Women's History Month!
That's it for today. Comments, reviews and other feedback are welcome and helpful, as always. If you like what you see, tell the world via email/Twitter/Facebook/Blogger/Buzz, and you will forever be known to your friends as cool, forward-thinking and hip to the cutting edge of topical humor blogs.
Aloha!
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