Happy Wednesday. Are you surviving the heat? If you aren't then you're probably dead, and at the risk of sounding prejudiced, I don't want dead people reading my blog. Go read the Drudge Report or something.
If you're not dead, then I have some tips for you on surviving the summer heat that are about as useful as people asking you if it is hot enough for you. Hate those guys...
* Ancient Egyptians used to spread crocodile dung on their skin to keep cool. Try it! And post your results on YouTube.
* In the 1920s, people used to go to the movie theaters to stay cool. Build a time machine, go back to the 1920s and enjoy all the ice-cooled air you can stand! Oh, and also, maybe try and do something about that Hitler fella.
* Mammals are warm-blooded. Therefore, the more blood in your body, the hotter you're going to be. See if you can't do something about that.
* Move north.
* Buddhists believe that our desire is the source of our suffering. So, if you're suffering in the heat, it's your own fault, you greedy asshole.
* Nerves carry sensory data, like heat, to our brains. Lots of household cleaning products cause nerve damage. You do the math.
* Get naked. Unless you are ugly.
* Turn up the air conditioner, numbnuts. It's too late to do anything about climate change, so go crazy!
That's all for now! Stay cool, Internet!
Showing posts with label monday tip sheet on wednesday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label monday tip sheet on wednesday. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Wednesday Morning Monologue - September 28, 2011
Pull up a chair and commence to learnin' y'all. I don't know why I wrote that. Okay, continuing on in this week's in-depth coverage of stuff what matters, here's your Monday tip sheet on a Wednesday. It's the eight things you should know about the Occupy Wall Street protest!
1. The protest has now lasted longer than The Paul Reiser Show. Look out, Whitney!
2. Protestors occupying Wall Street were not initially greeted as liberators, but they still have a better exit strategy than Bush did.
3. Turns out lots of the police really love Goldmann Sachs.
4. Fox is planning to turn the protest into a reality competition show for mid-season: So You Think You Can Protest.
5. Filmmaker Michael Moore cheered protestors on Monday by visiting, and then leaving just before he became tiresome.
6. Keith Olbermann has had some great coverage of the protest on his new show on Current TV. Have you seen it? No? Yeah, me neither.
7. The protest won't be considered a success unless Rage Against the Machine reunites for a North American tour next summer.
8. Pretty sure I saw Warren Buffett leading the thing.
That's it for now. Learn more about the protest here https://occupywallst.org/ and for a surprisingly thorough background in financial and economic inequalities in America, watch the closing credits to The Other Guys.
See you tomorrow!
1. The protest has now lasted longer than The Paul Reiser Show. Look out, Whitney!
2. Protestors occupying Wall Street were not initially greeted as liberators, but they still have a better exit strategy than Bush did.
3. Turns out lots of the police really love Goldmann Sachs.
4. Fox is planning to turn the protest into a reality competition show for mid-season: So You Think You Can Protest.
5. Filmmaker Michael Moore cheered protestors on Monday by visiting, and then leaving just before he became tiresome.
6. Keith Olbermann has had some great coverage of the protest on his new show on Current TV. Have you seen it? No? Yeah, me neither.
7. The protest won't be considered a success unless Rage Against the Machine reunites for a North American tour next summer.
8. Pretty sure I saw Warren Buffett leading the thing.
That's it for now. Learn more about the protest here https://occupywallst.org/ and for a surprisingly thorough background in financial and economic inequalities in America, watch the closing credits to The Other Guys.
See you tomorrow!
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