Archaeologists revealed evidence recently that French winemaking actually comes from Italy. Still no word on where they got the arrogance.
A new study out of California indicates that a vegetarian diet can prolong lives. Although most of those lives are cows, pigs, and chickens.
Internet gaming company Zynga just laid off a third of their workforce. Which explains their latest batch of games: JOB HUNTER, Let's Collect: Unemployment, and the new tower-defense hit Mom's Basement. Also, the recently unemployed programmers are now hard at work on an actual farm. So they can eat.
Will and Jaden Smith's sci-fi adventure After Earth is struggling at the box office, which may explain why Will Smith posted a casting call looking for a new son. Ouch.
In Mississippi, indictments were unsealed in the case of the recent ricin attacks against the President. However, court was adjourned early when the judge discovered the indictments themselves contained ricin.
Blind advocates are up in arms over the CAPTCHA technology used to verify human presence on the Internet. Also angry: people who like to leave drunk comments on websites.
President Obama called for tougher sanctions against Iran, specifically their auto industry, leading many to speculate that Iran may have a secret automotive industry.
And finally, Michael Douglass said that oral sex can cause throat cancer. It's all part of his plan to make every man in the world hate him.
That's all.
Showing posts with label zynga. Show all posts
Showing posts with label zynga. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Wednesday Morning Monologue - April 3, 2013
Some half-and-half for your coffee this morning? As in "the week is half-over, and these jokes are half-funny." Enjoy.
Lindsay Lohan is not pregnant. The actress announced her pregnancy via Twitter as an April Fool's joke this week, then revealed the hoax. She said she was overjoyed to see how many people cared about her, but you know, not enough to do something about her.
In Seattle, 44,000 people requested season tickets for a hypothetical NBA franchise in the city. That number is expected to fall once they realize it's the Sacramento Kings.
A sheep in the U.K. gave birth to a healthy lamb with five legs. Scientists predict the lamb will be 25% more filling than a normal lamb.
Archaeologists found the long lost ruins of a site known as "The Gate to Hell." The Turkish ruins are thought to be the world's first bank.
Online game company Zynga will begin offering gambling with real money today, so now they can lose your money even if you don't invest with them.
Viewers are flocking to webcams on Animal Planet's website that feature a wide range of animals in their natural environments. The idea came from The Jersey Shore.
A Pittsburgh man is accused of stealing promotional cakes from a "Cake Boss" event. In a related story, his prison nickname will also be "Cakes."
And finally, Hillary Clinton supporters have already started raising money for her possible run in 2016. Fundraisers cannot wait to see who she loses the nomination to next.
And that's it!
Lindsay Lohan is not pregnant. The actress announced her pregnancy via Twitter as an April Fool's joke this week, then revealed the hoax. She said she was overjoyed to see how many people cared about her, but you know, not enough to do something about her.
In Seattle, 44,000 people requested season tickets for a hypothetical NBA franchise in the city. That number is expected to fall once they realize it's the Sacramento Kings.
A sheep in the U.K. gave birth to a healthy lamb with five legs. Scientists predict the lamb will be 25% more filling than a normal lamb.
Archaeologists found the long lost ruins of a site known as "The Gate to Hell." The Turkish ruins are thought to be the world's first bank.
Online game company Zynga will begin offering gambling with real money today, so now they can lose your money even if you don't invest with them.
Viewers are flocking to webcams on Animal Planet's website that feature a wide range of animals in their natural environments. The idea came from The Jersey Shore.
A Pittsburgh man is accused of stealing promotional cakes from a "Cake Boss" event. In a related story, his prison nickname will also be "Cakes."
And finally, Hillary Clinton supporters have already started raising money for her possible run in 2016. Fundraisers cannot wait to see who she loses the nomination to next.
And that's it!
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Thursday Morning Monologue - October 25, 2012
Bad news for Egypt, as the unemployment rate is skyrocketing. But don't worry, Romney has a secret plan.
Nintendo slashed its profit forecast for the year, as there have been way fewer coin-filled bricks than expected.
Game company Zynga made massive staff cuts recently, and that's why now hundreds of programmers have taken to the streets with signs saying "will annoy the crap out of you online for food."
Bobby Brown was arrested for DUI recently because he was driving. Said Brown, "my one mistake was forgetting that I'm Bobby Brown."
Warren Buffett says the U.S. economy is improving. Jimmy Buffett says that things are dire in Margaritaville, but that, of course, it's his own damn fault.
A medical study found that people are more likely to do CPR in affluent neighborhoods than poor neighborhoods, mainly because poor people taste bad.
And lastly, NFL referees will be officiating with pink penalty flags for breast cancer awareness. Although referees being aware of anything would be an improvement.
Zing!
Nintendo slashed its profit forecast for the year, as there have been way fewer coin-filled bricks than expected.
Game company Zynga made massive staff cuts recently, and that's why now hundreds of programmers have taken to the streets with signs saying "will annoy the crap out of you online for food."
Bobby Brown was arrested for DUI recently because he was driving. Said Brown, "my one mistake was forgetting that I'm Bobby Brown."
Warren Buffett says the U.S. economy is improving. Jimmy Buffett says that things are dire in Margaritaville, but that, of course, it's his own damn fault.
A medical study found that people are more likely to do CPR in affluent neighborhoods than poor neighborhoods, mainly because poor people taste bad.
And lastly, NFL referees will be officiating with pink penalty flags for breast cancer awareness. Although referees being aware of anything would be an improvement.
Zing!
Monday, September 10, 2012
Tuesday Morning Monologue - September 11, 2012
I forgot to post this morning. Sorry about that. Enjoy this well-aged humor.
In iPhone rumor news, there are unconfirmed reports that Foxconn is using forced labor to make the new iPhone 5. Even worse, they're suspected of forcing the laborers to sign two-year contracts with AT&T.
In other Chinese news, the central government pledged to increase consumer spending to bolster the domestic economy. They're instituting a new "One Savings Account" per family rule.
This week, Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte will be honored with other Latino athletes at the ALMA awards. And next week, he'll be honored at the annual Douche Banquet.
Speaking of Latin culture, it's becoming extremely popular among Japanese youth, who are redefining the idea of East L.A.
In business news, Sharp just mortgaged its building to generate cash needed to stay in business. This is bad news for investors, but good news for you if you happen to land on one of their hotels.
Rocker Melissa Etheridge will soon be releasing her twelfth studio album, although she said she's really more interested in a box set.
Computer game maker Zynga is hoping for a big hit with their new Farmville 2. It's just like Farmville 1, except now there's a drought. Wait, no, that's America.
And finally, South Africa's Zulu King Zwelithini's said this week that his sixth wife "needs a palace." Just like a woman. AMIRITE, FELLAS!? This king knows what I'm talking about.
Okey dokey. More tomorrow, friends!
In iPhone rumor news, there are unconfirmed reports that Foxconn is using forced labor to make the new iPhone 5. Even worse, they're suspected of forcing the laborers to sign two-year contracts with AT&T.
In other Chinese news, the central government pledged to increase consumer spending to bolster the domestic economy. They're instituting a new "One Savings Account" per family rule.
This week, Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte will be honored with other Latino athletes at the ALMA awards. And next week, he'll be honored at the annual Douche Banquet.
Speaking of Latin culture, it's becoming extremely popular among Japanese youth, who are redefining the idea of East L.A.
In business news, Sharp just mortgaged its building to generate cash needed to stay in business. This is bad news for investors, but good news for you if you happen to land on one of their hotels.
Rocker Melissa Etheridge will soon be releasing her twelfth studio album, although she said she's really more interested in a box set.
Computer game maker Zynga is hoping for a big hit with their new Farmville 2. It's just like Farmville 1, except now there's a drought. Wait, no, that's America.
And finally, South Africa's Zulu King Zwelithini's said this week that his sixth wife "needs a palace." Just like a woman. AMIRITE, FELLAS!? This king knows what I'm talking about.
Okey dokey. More tomorrow, friends!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)