Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Wednesday Morning Monologue - April 3, 2013

Some half-and-half for your coffee this morning? As in "the week is half-over, and these jokes are half-funny." Enjoy.

Lindsay Lohan is not pregnant. The actress announced her pregnancy via Twitter as an April Fool's joke this week, then revealed the hoax. She said she was overjoyed to see how many people cared about her, but you know, not enough to do something about her.

In Seattle, 44,000 people requested season tickets for a hypothetical NBA franchise in the city. That number is expected to fall once they realize it's the Sacramento Kings.

A sheep in the U.K. gave birth to a healthy lamb with five legs. Scientists predict the lamb will be 25% more filling than a normal lamb.

Archaeologists found the long lost ruins of a site known as "The Gate to Hell." The Turkish ruins are thought to be the world's first bank.

Online game company Zynga will begin offering gambling with real money today, so now they can lose your money even if you don't invest with them.

Viewers are flocking to webcams on Animal Planet's website that feature a wide range of animals in their natural environments. The idea came from The Jersey Shore.

A Pittsburgh man is accused of stealing promotional cakes from a "Cake Boss" event. In a related story, his prison nickname will also be "Cakes."

And finally, Hillary Clinton supporters have already started raising money for her possible run in 2016. Fundraisers cannot wait to see who she loses the nomination to next.

And that's it!

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